inside my head

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i pray i die before i wake. he called me replaceable. he said everyone is.

thats not true. people die from loosing someone everyday.

my grandfather never replaced my grandmother. he lived for years afterwards, but he never got over it.

he started to miss her so much he lost his will to live.

he whithered away and died.

he let himself starve to death.

the feeding toob didnt help because he still did take anything in he needed.

the iv didnt help either or all the meds they forced down his gullet.

strange how modern medicine still cant cure a man set on dying.

he let himself die slowly because it hurt him so much

the only time he seemed better was after i visited, because i look just like she did.

i never told anyone but i blame myself for his death.

after i saw him i was so scared to see him again i never visited anymore, he got worse and worse until his body gave out and he died.

i should have visited.

i wish i would die. fast. now b