Love Me Tender (A Kaimelia - Kai Bartley/Amelia Shepherd - fanfiction)

Part 12

a/n I have absolutely no clue what season it is haha :D Should be winter probably if you look at the actual Grey's Anatomy, but I'm leaning towards a more autumnal feel where it's not super cold yet but you need a jacket. Sorry if it confuses anyone by being different from Grey's.

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I look at the sun setting on the horizon, my thoughts wandering all over the place. The day has been great - we went on a very tourist-y walk around the city and Kai showed me all of their favorite places. And even though my feet are tired from the day, it was great to take my mind off of all worries. But now that we're sitting down comfortably at a restaurant, I feel the anxiety returning.

I jump slightly when Kai places their hand on mine, bringing me out of my thoughts. "You with me?" they ask with a smile that's doing a poor job of hiding the worry on their face.

I manage the same kind of a fake smile and place my other hand on top of ours, nodding quickly. "Yeah, sorry. Reality is playing catch-up."

They nod understandingly and look down at our hands for a few moments. I already feel the question forming in their head before they say it out loud.

"So this has happened before.. The tumor, I mean," Kai says and although they already know the answer, I still nod. "And you fell for someone because of it?" they ask and I bite my lip. This is the part that I really don't have answers for.

"The last one was probably there for about ten years and seriously affected my decision making. So in a way, yes," I finally explain. "The relationship I had during the whole tumor saga was strained and I made some really impulsive decisions that made it worse. In the end it felt like he had married a tumor and not me."

Kai looks surprised at that and I realize what I just said. "Um, yes.. One of those impulsive decisions was asking him to marry me," I chuckle lightly. "It only got more complicated after that," I add with a frown.

"Do you regret it?" they ask, the tone careful. Knowing Kai, they don't want to push too hard or ask too much, but surprisingly it doesn't feel too uncomfortable talking about this.

"No. He is married now, to someone he was truly meant to be with in my eyes. And I have long moved on from it all," I ensure them, squeezing their hand gently.

Kai smiles at that, obviously feeling some relief. But the worry still remains in both of us whether or not anything will change after the tumor is removed this time around. "But you never married Scout's father?" they ask now and then shake their head. "Sorry, I feel like I'm prying too much, we can change the topic."

"No, it's okay, really," I am quick to answer. A big part of me wants to move forward with.. whatever this is between us. And in order to do so, they deserve to know where me and Link stand.

I take a moment to think about how to explain all of this and can't help but notice the subtle changes in Kai showing signs of nervousness. "He did ask. Many times. But I don't want to get married," I finally say.

"Then why did he keep asking?" Kai asks, looking and sounding confused. I half expected for them to disagree and argue that all couples should get married so this answer surprises me enough to make me laugh.

"I kept wondering the same thing. I guess he figured I'd change my mind," I shrug. "Honestly, I did love him, but I wonder more and more if we had even ended up together without Scout. He was a surprise and we weren't even serious before him so that changed everything."

Kai nods understandingly, but I still feel like they seem worried about my feelings for Link. Or maybe I'm worried about it affecting us. "I think we just weren't compatible. He wanted more kids and marriage and the stereotypical white picket fence. I got a taste of that and it messed with my head enough that I almost started using again. So I think it's for the best that we're just co-parents."

"I think picket fences are overestimated," they shrug and I smile involuntarily. They may be just saying this to please me, but knowing Kai, they wouldn't hold back if they thought differently.

"So, on the topic of really heavy stuff," Kai smirks, making me laugh. This has gotten pretty deep quite fast, but it also feels easy to talk to them about it all. I haven't felt judged for one moment, just understood. Feels nice for a change.

"You get one more question, otherwise this will get really depressing real fast," I warn them, a smile still on my lips. Lord knows I have enough skeletons in my closet to fill the whole conversation.

"Agreed," Kai nods. "How long have you been sober?"

This question should put me on edge. If it was anyone else asking, I would be internally upset, thinking that they were judging me or worried about an upcoming relapse. But all I get from Kai is just genuine interest in things that are important to me.

The answer is still embarrassing whenever I say it out loud. "Five years, give or take a few months," I say, remembering my last relapse all too well. "I've been off drugs for longer than that, but I had an unfortunate evening with one glass of vodka tonic."

Kai nods again and smiles gently. "Well, I don't mean to say that one glass is nothing, but as far as relapses go, I'd say that you did great with stopping after just one drink."

I smile at that, appreciating the way Kai is careful with their words, not wanting to insult me or say anything wrong. "It wasn't easy and I still regret it, but well.. relapse is a part of the journey unfortunately." But luckily the sad topics are over now, as agreed. And Kai doesn't seem to be looking at me any differently so maybe I was worried for no reason.

I look around the restaurant and find it a whole lot emptier than before. I guess I wasn't really paying attention to the time and the other customers.

"We should probably get moving, I think they're closing soon," Kai says, as if reading my thoughts. They let go of my hand to get up, which feels strange immediately since I had gotten used to the feeling.

"My turn to get the bill," I say, standing up as well. We finished our meal probably an hour ago, but the waitresses were nice enough not to throw us out immediately so I plan on including a large tip for that.

"Nope," is Kai's short and playful answer to that and I have no time to even react before they're heading towards the bar to save the waitress a trip to the table. I guess I'll have to get the next one then. If there is a next one. I'm used to wondering how long things or people will last, but for once I'm trying my hardest to just take things one day at a time.

I put my coat on and grab my bag just as Kai returns, a warm smile still on their face. They reach for my hand and we interlock fingers. It feels like we've done this a million times and the thought alone makes me smile as well.

"So," Kai starts, pushing the door open to let me out first. "Favorite ice cream flavor?"

I laugh at the sudden change in topic and we head towards my hotel, delving into a very serious discussion on vanilla versus chocolate.