Love Me Tender (A Kaimelia - Kai Bartley/Amelia Shepherd - fanfiction)

Part 17

Waking up from anesthesia is no fun. The lights are too bright, the sounds are too loud and my throat hurts from being intubated. And there's also the instant fear of the unknown. Initially it's not knowing where I am. Then it's not knowing how the surgery went. And then the unknown of what comes next hits me.

I try to open my eyes for what seems like a whole eternity, but is probably just a few seconds. They feel heavy and tired and all I want is to sleep some more, but my mind is working overtime now. I need to know how it went. Am I able to speak this time?

There's this one last brief moment where the pain hasn't hit just yet. And when it does, I groan involuntarily, the sound feeling odd in my throat.

A hand, that I now realize was always there, closes around my fingers and I hear a familiar voice so I try to open my eyes once again and succeed this time. Kai is there and I notice how my heart jumps at the thought.

It takes me a moment to realize that they're saying something and dread fills me. Am I deaf? Am I dumb? Did something go wrong? But luckily it only takes me a few more seconds of fully waking up to understand what they're saying.

"You did great. How are you feeling?" Kai's voice is barely above a whisper and it still sounds so loud to me. I also notice that the only light in the room is coming from the chair next to my bed where a book is placed, a small reading lamp attached to it. But for my tired eyes, even the monitors seem to be shooting neon colors out of them. I do know that this is all normal so that keeps me calm.

Kai reaches for something and a small beep sounds, which I don't know the meaning of. I don't really care either. I'm alive and they're here and my stomach is still doing flips over that realization. All is good.

"Like shit," I finally manage to croak out a few words. I feel like I'm laying upside down and the pressure in my head is making the pain that much worse so I motion for Kai to lift the head of my bed. Luckily they understand my random finger-pointing and I move to a half-sitting/half-laying position with a whirring sound.

This one doesn't sound as loud so maybe my ears are getting used to being awake again too.

"Well, you look stunning," Kai compliments me and I smile even though it can't be true. Or at least I think I do. Everything still feels sort of numb.

A nurse enters then and I realize that Kai must have pushed the call button to alert them I was awake. See, I still know how this all works. Maybe Tom did leave my brain in working condition.

--

The nurse has assessed me and argued about pain meds and now finally left us alone. I've also found out during this that it's 2 in the morning. As good a time as any.

"I need to get up," I say, trying to get my feet out from under the blanket. My body is still not listening to me so it's difficult to do and my head hurts at the movement, making me wince. "Early mobilization is key in recovery so-"

Kai cuts me off with a gentle hand on my shoulder, forcing me to lay back down agaist the bed. "You need to rest, Amelia. You are in pain and you just woke up from anesthesia," their tone is soft and firm at the same time.

I attempt to shake my head, but the motion makes me groan quietly. "I'm used to pain, I've been in pain my whole life, I can do this," I try to argue back, accidentally sounding way more morbid than I intended.

Kai places both hands on my cheeks, tilting my head a little bit upwards so I'm looking at them. "You don't have to anymore, okay? I've got you," they say with the most sincerity I've ever seen coming out of someone.

It shuts me up, erasing all arguments that I'd prepared in my head. My mouth opens but no words come out and I accept that this is an argument I'm not going to win. I bite my lip instead, wanting to nod in agreement, but Kai's hands aren't really allowing for any more painful movement, so I say a quiet 'okay' instead.

They seem to relax at that, letting out a sigh of relief and coming to lay next to me on the bed. I get comfortable in their arms and close my eyes, trying to force myself not to focus on the throbbing pain in my head.

"You really don't need to stay though," I say quietly, remembering again that it's late and that Kai has been here this whole time. The thought makes me feel guilty and a part of me wants to convince myself that I'm a burden.

But Kai just chuckles lightly and presses a soft kiss to my forehead. "So you managed to accept my help and care for what.. ten seconds?" They sound amused and I smile involuntarily. I guess I do sound like a stubborn toddler with an idea stuck in her head.

"A personal record, I think," I go along with the joke. My head is on their chest and I can hear the steady heartbeat which calms me down even further.

"I think you can top it," Kai says. They're drawing small patterns on my back with their hands and I try to focus on that sensation instead of the pain. It's actually kind of working.

"I feel selfish," I admit. We all came to Minnesota for the research, but 'Hurricane Amelia' had to show up and mess everything up. Or 'Tumor Amelia', I guess. The two seem interchangeable.

"It's my decision to stay. To be here for you," Kai reminds me and I can feel them shaking their head. "I seriously thought about having one of the nurses give me a catheter so I wouldn't even have to leave for the bathroom," they add then and the idea of that sounds so utterly ridiculous that I burst into laughter.

Tears mix into it pretty quickly though and soon I'm crying instead, not really knowing why. Gratitude maybe. Kai doesn't question it, they just hold me as close as possible without hurting me and press tiny comforting kisses to my forehead.