Love Me Tender (A Kaimelia - Kai Bartley/Amelia Shepherd - fanfiction)

Part 32

Happy New Year everyone! I adore you all ❤️

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I walk in with a plan today. Well.. Not a plan really. I have no clue what I'm going to say or do. But my goal for the day is to make Kai talk to me and hopefully fix this mess. I can't stop thinking about them and it's driving me insane. I am fully aware that this is all my fault, but that doesn't lessen the frustration I feel after yesterday.

For a split second it appears that the lab is empty and my heart drops. I knew Meredith wasn't going to be here today, but where's Kai? I push the glass door open, looking around for any signs of them and sigh of relief when I notice some papers on the desk and their bag on the chair next to it.

But still no Kai. I guess I could get to work while I wait, but I'm so on edge that I wouldn't get anything done anyway. Then I hear the door open and I turn around quickly, coming face to face with them. I bite my lip nervously, waiting for Kai to say anything, but they just look at me and that same sadness is reflected in their eyes.

"We need to talk," I say finally, not even phrasing it as a question this time. "Please," I add, just in case. And I think that does the trick because Kai looks away and nods then.

"Maybe not here though," they finally open their mouth and I nod eagerly. The place really doesn't matter for me.

It's quite impossible to understand what Kai is thinking right now and so the question slips out before I can stop myself. "Are you angry at me?" I mean, of course they are, I've been a complete ass.

Kai is quiet for a few seconds, opening the door for me and letting it close shut after we've walked through. They point towards a hallway and we start heading that way, me still anxiously waiting for an answer. "I'm.. confused. But even if I was upset, I guess you still deserve a chance to explain," they finally say.

Being closer to them now, I can actually see some emotions on their face and I feel both relief and regret. They do look sad and tired and it may be very selfish of me, but I kind of hope that the lack of sleep is because of me.

"Right," I say, only because I've been silently staring at them for a bit too long. We enter a conference room and the nerves kick up again. This is the part where I'm supposed to magically make everything better with words and I have no clue what to say. "Um.. I don't really know why I do the things I do-" is my pathetic attempt at starting somewhere.

"I think you do, it's just hard to be vulnerable and admit it," Kai says immediately and I know they're right. They lean against the table and put their hands in the pockets of their pants and I'm momentarily taken back to the night of our first date. I wish I could just go back to that and do everything right.

"I got scared. Being with you is.. easy. And I'm not used to that. So I got scared and convinced myself that it's going to end eventually anyway and it made me run and push you away," I talk quietly, lowering my eyes to my hands. It feels a bit awkward to just be standing here, but I also don't want to sit down.

"Why would it end?" Kai asks, their voice gentle. And even though I'm used to hearing judgement in everyone's tone when I mess up like this, I don't find it in theirs.

"I don't think I deserve you. And it's only a matter of time until you realize the same. I mean, I'm an addict, I have a terrible past.. Not to mention how difficult this actually is with half my life in Seattle and you here.." I sigh, remembering the conversation me and Link had. If he thinks that there's still a chance, how would I even approach the topic of living in Minnesota part time or.. full.

"I know all of this and I'm still here," Kai says, their eyes staring into mine. "Your past is just that - the past. Why would I judge you for that or see you any differently? It doesn't matter to me. It doesn't make you difficult for me."

I feel relief for a moment, but I'm not really sure if I should or what this means. "I can't remember ever being loved like this and that-" I say and stop, realizing what I've just said and shaking my head. "I didn't mean to put it like that or to put words in your mouth-" I try to backtrack quickly.

"I do love you. And if you feel that, it just means I'm doing something right," Kai interrupts my anxious rambling. I'm so taken back that I don't even know what to say now, my mind drawing a blank.

Luckily Kai seems to catch on to my inability to talk and comes to stand in front of me. "There's this saying in this book that goes 'we accept the love we think we deserve'. You said it yourself, you don't think you deserve me," they talk quietly, my mind still stuck on the word 'love'. Kai places their hands on my waist, holding me close. "But maybe you can learn to think differently? To accept that I'm completely in love with you?"

And that's all I need for my thoughts to stop the race towards doom and for my body to relax. I slide my hands up their arms, finally clasping them together behind Kai's neck. A smile makes its way onto my lips and all feels right in the world again. "I think I can give it a go," I say with a nod.

Kai wraps their arms tightly around me, pulling me closer. "That's all I need from you," they answer with a smile.

"So we're okay," I say, wanting to just hear it to believe it fully. I mean, I came here expecting to be turned down by them because I missed my chance. So it's a bit hard to fathom the reality right now.

"We're okay. We're whatever you want us to be," Kai nods and that's all I need to hear for the courage to return. I reach up, thanking myself mentally for choosing to wear heels today, and kiss them, slowly at first, but then all thoughts disappear and feelings take over.

They hold me so close that I can feel their heartbeat through my own chest and I smile into the kiss, finally feeling whole again.