I let out a sigh as I fall onto my bed, my headphones softly playing my playlist for moods like this, the ones where you wanna be alone because everything is a little too intense.
I start to shuffle my tarot cards as I zone out and think about all the good and bad memories of the last few years, it sucks but it's my life. A few bad exes, some shitty friends, some loss of family and friends from this life and you get the summarised version of my mental state.
Today is the trauma from a shitty boyfriend. I realised how badly it hurt me despite being over it so I've decided to see what my tarot cards have to say, see if there's any insight into what I'm feeling and just to find some comfort.
Three cards jump out at me instantly, the second one I didn't even notice land on top of the first one. I look at each one and laugh a little bit.
Ten of Shields [reversed]; Issues with isolation and loneliness
"That explains a lot," I mutter to myself as I flip over my next card.
King of Swords [reversed]; Emotoinal manipulation and the clarity of realising that it's happening
"Well duh," I flip over my last card.
Ten of Wands; Overworking, hard work will pay off but sacrifices in mental health will be made.
"I knew that already," I sigh and sit on my bed for a few minutes in silence as my music plays in my headphones.
I see the door creak open out of the corner of my eye and I pull my headphones off and give Sam a soft smile.
"You okay in here?" Sam asks me as he sits at the end of my bed and sees my cards sitting in front of me. "Oh."
I give him a closed smile and nod, "I needed to take a minute and got answers that I needed to hear, they actually summed my emotions up really well at the moment."
"What's goin on then?"
"Trauma healing essentially," I say softly as start to pick up my cards and put them away.
Sam gives me soft eyes and a knowing smile, he's been here before and he knows how hard it can hit me some days. He scoots up the bed and opens his arms and I crawl into his arms, the mix of the warmth and the weight that he provides as he lays us down makes my heart skip a beat, this is exactly what I need and he knows it.
"Why do you help me when I'm down like this? No one notices let alone is willing to help me," I ask as look up at him from where my head is resting on his chest.
"You take care of me on my bad days, so it's only fair, I don't deserve you, y/n," Sam says and he gives me a smile.
I flinch at what he says, expecting him to yell at me or start crying about how his life isn't worth living because he's worthless like my ex used to, Sam sees this and he starts trying to figure out what he did wrong.
"What did I say?" Sam asks me and he gives me some space.
"I don't deserve you, he said it when he was trying to get me to talk him out of suicide or whenever we had an argument," I whisper as I look Sam in the eyes as mine start to burn and well up with tears.
"I'm sorry Sweetheart, I didn't realise," Sam says as I crawl back into his arms.
"It's okay, no one knows about what he did," I reply quietly, really only for myself but Sam hears me and kisses my head before he starts running his hands through my hair.
"I'm always here to listen to what happened, you know that," Sam says into my hair.
I nod in response and start to listen to his heartbeat as we get comfortable and start to fall asleep.
YOU ARE READING
Supernatural Oneshots
FanfictionA collection of Supernatural Oneshots and Imagines.
