Blurry is the Line Between Love and Lust: A Tears of Shame Novel [EDITING]

Chapter 18: Only Hurts If You Want

*****WARNING***** This chapter containsa brief sex scene.*****

Fan if you want, also comment & vote... My very first sex scene :/

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Recap chap 17:

I carried her to the room and set her on the bed. She admired it for far too long. Yeah, it was nice, but a bed is a bed. I hadn't understood her fascination. I unbuttoned my shirt before she even noticed. She stared at me as she always had, with wonder. I was sexy after all. What could I have said? She looked pretty sexy herself.

"Welcome home Princess." I smiled.

"Welcome home My Prince." She smiled in response.

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Chapter 18: Only Hurts If You Want

Arianna POV

  "Arianna, my friend, my love, my wife, you gave me the greatest gift I could ever receive, your love." I blushed at his sentiment.

I really loved him and I wanted him. I hadn't realized how much desire I had burning in my loins. He sauntered over, removed his shirt and lay next to me on the bed and I stared in to his golden eyes. I was lost for a few moments, and then I began to speak.

"I want to give you another gift." I removed my veil and tiara and threw them to the floor.

I unlaced my corset, which was a difficult task, and started to remove it. I was nervous, I admitted that to myself, but I wanted this so badly. Maybe not in the beginning, but in that moment, there was nothing I wanted more. I had saved myself, resisted temptation since the age of 15 when I discovered my sexuality. I had done that for him, a man I'd never met. He stopped me with a gentle hand, just as I'd started lifting my dress, before I exposed myself to him.

"You don't have to do this. I know what I said before about the rules, but rules were made to be broken." He was thoughtful and sincere.

I hadn't known him to be so honorable. I was confused, hurt. I thought he had wanted this, more than anything. Was it me? Was I not good enough, not sexy enough? Was I too inexperienced for him? Surely Selene had more experience than I.

"I thought you wanted this. It’s what you've been waiting for. Don't you want my body? Don't you want my blood?" Pain and confusion covered me as I realized my fears.

He hadn't seen me the same way. He couldn't bear to have been with me in a sexual way after what happened to me. He hadn't wanted to touch me. I was broken unclean, and dirty just as I'd thought I was. This was the only explanation. I beat back the tears of rejection, but they overflowed anyhow.

"I don't want to take what you're not ready to give." His eyes were pained, because he felt the guilt. He grabbed me securely when he continued. "I don't want to hurt you, I could never hurt you. You're not ready for this." He spoke with compassion and conviction.

I was angry. I hadn't liked that he told me what I thought and what I felt. I was the only one who knew my mind, my heart. It wasn't me who wasn't ready, it was him. I pulled back and looked into his worried eyes.

"I am ready. It's you who's not ready. You can't even think about touching me. I want to give myself to you. I want to feel you." I stated, partly begging and partly aggravated.

"Your fear holds you back, and you can't give in because you're afraid of me, afraid of hurting me.  But that's exactly what you're doing, whether you realize it or not." My words were no longer angry, they were passionate and truthful.