Blurry is the Line Between Love and Lust: A Tears of Shame Novel [EDITING]

Chapter 24: If I Can forgive You, You Can Forgive You

As always, don't forget to vote, comment and fan... I love to read your comments & appreciate them. Thanks, Crissy =:)  

As I said previously... it was part of the previous chapter but got split up... it's better this way.

This chapter is one of my faves. I absolutely LOVE IT!

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Recap chap 23:

The passage of time and the thought that he'd almost died solidified this revelation. I couldn't have blamed him, nor could I have blamed myself. I loved him, but our connection would have never been the same. A small piece of me would have always belonged to him, cared for him, but I could never have been with him. I couldn't have been in a relationship with someone who raped me. I could never have understood his loss of control, but I forgave it.

I needed to absolve him of his guilt.

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Chapter 24: If I Can forgive You, You Can Forgive You

Arianna POV

I trudged down winding halls to the infirmary at a slow human pace. I had only been there once, the day after I was rescued. It was that day that Dr. Wesley had told me I would not ever bare children. My body was too irreparably damaged from the fierceness of my kidnapping and attack. I remembered it to be blindingly white and sterile with no traces of warmth and décor the rest of the palace held.

This day, it was dark and dreary. It mirrored my sentiment perfectly. I entered the room and settled in the arm chair next to the bed. I rested near the edge, leaned forward and grasped Ronan's hand lightly. I evaluated his condition for a few moments. He looked depleted. Bruises lightly covered his skin. What were once gashes and gouges in his flesh were now transformed into slight abrasions and lacerations. How was that even possible? A few hours ago he was on death's door, now he looked as though he'd only been in a minor traffic accident.

"Ronan." I spoke in a soft tone. I felt him stir; he gripped my hand in response to my voice.

"Ronan, please open your eyes." His eyes fluttered then opened fully. I peered into his shimmering amethyst eyes. They looked timid and a little fearful. I'd never seen that look in his eyes, ever. Then I remembered that I had things I needed to say, and he probably had as well. I couldn't have divulged my grand epiphany if I hadn't been certain he was in fair condition. That needed to be established first.

"Ronan, you look... better. What happened? Before you were so..." He interrupted my inquisition with a faint smile and lighthearted words.

"It was nothing a lot of blood and a little rest couldn't cure. We vampires have a capacity for quick healing." He raised his eyebrows. Oh, fast healing too? What other traits were left undiscovered?

"Well, I'm glad you're going to recover." I had been glad. The alternative was far too painful.

"Look, Aria, you didn't have to come here. I didn't expect you to. I think it's best if you go." He sighed. His eyes were desolate, full of regret and shame. It was what I had expected, and exactly the reason I had to speak to him. I was sure he wouldn't have liked what I had to say, but I hadn't given him a choice.

"Ronan, I have some things I need to say to you, things you won't like or understand. But I'm not leaving here until I do. So please, just listen." I announced rather adamantly.

"Fine, I'll listen, but I have some things I need to say to you as well." He complied but refused to look me in the eyes. I took a deep breath and continued.

"I forgive you." I confessed.

"WHAT?" He interrupted. He sounded shocked and confused.

"I thought you were going to let me finish." I shot at him.

"I'm sorry, please continue." He glanced at me but quickly looked away.

"Ronan, I know everything is so messed up right now, I wish I could change it. But I can't and neither can you. I don't understand why you did it, but I can forgive it. You lost control. You weren't YOU anymore. And I do forgive you, but things will never be the same between us. I care about you, a part of me will always love you, but I can never be with you. I'm sorry... I'm sorry." I paused. He looked thoughtful and regretful.

"I never meant to break your heart as I'm sure you never meant to break mine. We can never be more than friends. I forgive you and you need to forgive yourself." Relief washed over me when I finished my heartfelt dialogue. He was hesitant, waited to see if I'd finished. I gestured to him that it was his turn.

"You are far more generous than I had the right to expect. I wish Xavier was as generous with his forgiveness. Although, I am lucky to be alive, so that says something." He responded. He seemed a little relieved. Wait. Xavier had no idea that he raped me.

"He doesn't know." I admitted.

"Doesn't know what? That I ..." Again, hesitation was bad.

"... Raped you?" He whispered, barely able to have spoken the words.His pain and shame overtook him. A horrid sadness crossed his haggard face.

"Why didn't you tell him? You should have told him." He argued softly, yet forcefully.

"He would have killed you! I couldn't let him do that." I retorted.

"You shouldn't have stopped him. I deserved it." He shook his head in dismay.

"This is exactly what I'm talking about, all this self-pity bullshit. If I can forgive you... you can forgive you! Just please, don't tell him. Please." I couldn't bear the thought of what he may have done if he knew.

"Fine, I won't tell him. Now, will you listen to me?" He explained. I nodded in agreement.

"Arianna, I'm sorry... that I raped you. There is no excuse for what I did. If I could take it back, the pain and the suffering, I would. I took something form you that you will never get back." He was ashamed, it littered his words.

"I accept your forgiveness and I will try to forgive myself. I don't expect you to love me, or care for me after what I did, but I will ALWAYS love you. I know it sounds pathetic, but it's true. Someday I may regain your trust, and if friendship is all I can have, then I'll take it. I am truly sorry for what I did. You have no idea how sorry I am..." He gripped my hand tightly.

I was overwhelmed by how heartfelt his words were. They touched me so deeply. I pulled him into a tight embrace. Tears overran both our eyes. I released him after a few moments.

"I have to go. I don't want him to get suspicious." I expressed my concern.

"It's okay. I won't say anything, I promise. Go, I'll be fine." He spoke softly.

I made my way back to my old room. I couldn't believe it was over. There was one obstacle left.

Our secret must not be discovered by Xavier.

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Touching huh? I know some of you still hate Ronan... but I love him!!

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