Blurry is the Line Between Love and Lust: A Tears of Shame Novel [EDITING]

Chapter 27: The Beginning and End of My Happiness

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Recap chap 26:

I snuggled deep inside the blankets and awaited his return. I realized while I waited that I'd been confused. More than that, I'd been dazed and terrified. My hand fell to my stomach and rubbed it in disbelief. Like if I rubbed it hard enough, I could have rubbed it away.

I was pregnant. How the hell had that happened?

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Chapter 27: The Beginning and End of My Happiness

Arianna POV

A week had passed. I had managed to keep Xavier's suspicions at bay. It had grown harder to hide my feelings and the fact that I was pregnant from him. I had begun to show. I had a small mound that protruded from between my hips and increasingly sensitive, albeit larger than normal breasts. Damn it! How could I have hidden this? I wasn't sure how I felt about it.

In some ways, I longed to have a child, though I was very young. In others, I feared that Xavier would have been unhappy with the inconvenience of it. I was torn. I had no one I could have talked to about it. So I decided to visit Zander and Maria. They would have helped me figure things out.

I walked to the cottage on the outskirts of the palace grounds. I was a quiet, quaint place. Not too large, but big enough for the three of them. It was fronted with cracked and vine covered cobblestone which gave it a worn, lived in look. I knocked softly on the door and was greeted warmly by Maria. Her figure had somewhat returned to its pre-baby state. She embraced me and invited me in.

"Maria, how are you and the baby?" I inquired pleasantly, though I felt a bit of urgency that washed over me.

"We're fine Arianna. Thank you. Do you want to hold Ezra?" She asked. I could not have done that, but she left me no choice when she placed the little bundle in my arms. He was beautiful, so warm and at peace. I wondered if my baby would have been the same. I hadn't thought about that. I still reeled from the revelation that I was pregnant. A deep gentle voice startled me.

"Aria, what are you doing here?" Zander asked, concerned.

"It's nice to see you too Zander." Sarcasm fell from my lips. Then I remembered why I had been here in the first place.

"I need to speak to you, It's very important." I insisted. I hadn't realized how I had missed him in the last few weeks. I swiftly followed him to the living room and settled myself on a comfortable couch. Maria took the baby from me so I wouldn't have been distracted from my mission. She always seemed so perceptive, she must have known it was something big. I took a breath and hesitated, so he started the conversation with the obvious question.

Zander POV

"What's wrong this time Aria?" I asked. She looked dismayed, frightened and concerned. "You couldn't have waited until I came back to the palace? It must be bad to have brought you here." I smiled. My attempt at reassurance failed.

"I... well... I'm..." She hesitated. Words fought to leave her tongue. This must have been bad, very bad.

"She's pregnant Zander. Can't you see that?" Maria announced when she reentered the room. She seemed a little annoyed at my lack of notice.

"No Maria. That's not it. It's not possible." I denied. It must have been something else.

"She's right." She blurted. "I'm pregnant, about 7 weeks. I didn't think it was possible myself. But it's true. Dr. Wesley confirmed it." She stated with a hint of sadness in her tone. I gasped. I was shocked. She was pregnant? She was 7 weeks pregnant?

That had been the time of her wedding, the time of her rape. Had she any idea who fathered her child? Had she even thought of that? I was overrun with pain by what she must have thought, how she must have felt about the situation. This was not a position I wanted to have been in. But she hadn't gotten to the heart of the problem, so I prompted her.

"Aria..." I searched for the words. "Do you know who the father is?" I questioned regretfully. I was ashamed to have brought the subject up.

Arianna POV

"Aria..." He hesitated, looked regretful. Hesitation was always bad. "Do you know who the father is?"

"What?" Why would he have asked that? I was confused. I hadn't even thought of that. I had been so wrapped up in my own feelings, in my fear, that it had never occurred to me until that moment.

"It's just that 7 weeks ago was when you were married, when you were ..." He explained, but hadn't finished his thought. No doubt on account of the fact that my mouth hung open and all the blood had drained from my face. My head swirled with confusion and pain. I was 7 weeks pregnant. 7 weeks ago I got married. 7 weeks ago, I was raped. 7 weeks ago was the BEGINNING and END of my happiness.

Panic gripped me like a vice. My heart was clouded by shame. The thought pained me more than anything I had ever experienced. He was right. I had NO idea who had fathered my child. It could have been Xavier or Ronan. How could this have happened?

Zander pulled me into a tight comforting embrace while Maria laid a hand on my shoulder. Tears of shame streamed down my cheeks at the heart wrenching revelation.

"I have no idea who the father is. What am I going to do?" I admitted. I was defeated.

"You have to tell Xavier everything." He demanded, sympathetically.

"I can't. I won't. I can't hurt him." I couldn't have hurt him like that. I knew he would have been upset, maybe even left me.

"You can't hide this. Sooner or later, he's going to notice." I was silent. I could fathom what his response would have been. He would have found out I was pregnant, found out I was raped by his brother. He would have killed him for certain this time. I couldn't have faced it, his pain or the monstrous rage that followed.

"If you're not going to tell him, you need to tell Ronan. Maybe he can help you figure this out." He offered an alternative. It wasn't one I'd been thrilled with, but one I tolerated.

"Okay. I'll talk to Ronan. But don't tell Xavier, please." I begged them both. They nodded in response.

"I won't. neither will Maria, we promise. I'm sorry... so sorry this happened to you." He embraced me again. Comforted me the only way he could have. He was my friend, the best one I had. He carried my secrets, and shouldered my burdens. I was grateful for him and everything he had done for me.

I left Zander's home and made my way to Ronan's room. I had no idea what I would have said, or how he would have reacted. He needed to have been made aware of the situation. I had been certain of that fact. It may have been his problem too, or maybe it hadn't been his problem at all. I was so unsure. My thoughts were muddied by the fact that this was one more secret I would have kept from Xavier. I would have lied to him, AGAIN. Was there no end to my deception? Fate's cruel hand struck me down. Only this time, how could I have gotten back up?

I stood in front of Ronan's room. Fear, pain, shame, and anticipation gripped me. When he opened the door, I met his gaze. His eyes were fraught with concern.

The truth had been unearthed, and the truth was a loathsome beast.

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Sorry it's so short... but it need to be done. Don't pretend you didn't see that coming! ... let me know your thoughts and guesses...