That same night, Lindsey had his arms wrapped around Stevie, as they lay together in bed, in his hotel room. Whatever he said about changing his mind, they both knew it wasn't going to happen. Shortly after their moment back at the venue, they gathered their things and were driven to the hotel, without discussing it, she followed him, not having a single thought about sleeping alone tonight.
It had been a couple of hours, but neither one of them dared to speak up, although they both knew they should. Stevie changed her position, turning on her side, so she could look him in the eyes. She cleared her throat and he knew it was coming.
"You can talk to me, Linds. Be honest. I want to know what's been going on."
"I don't think I can be honest, I'm afraid you'll leave."
"I can't be with you without knowing the truth. I'm not mad at you anymore, but I am hurt."
Lindsey cursed himself, also rolling onto his side, so they were facing each other. "I'm sorry."
"You told me that before. I want to know why you're sorry."
He exhaled heavily, entwining their fingers together. "Before we started this tour, Kristen and I had a talk. It wasn't that I had to spell it out for her, you and I have never stopped seeing each other, she knew. She said that she'll let me go on one condition." Stevie swallowed uneasily, reading herself to hear what was it. "She wants another baby." Lindsey gave some time for that to sink in before continuing. "Kristen said that if I get her pregnant, then she'll divorce me, but if it doesn't go as planned, she won't or she'll fight for an unreasonable custody agreement. Same goes for if I decide to serve her with the divorce papers sooner than once she conceived."
"She can't be doing this!" Stevie suddenly exclaimed. "This is so unfair, Lindsey!"
"Don't you think I understand? And it hasn't been going great so far either..."
"You mean..."
"Nothing happens and we've been trying for months."
"Do you want that baby?"
"I want to be with you and I am ready to do whatever it takes."
"I don't deserve you." She cradled his face in her hands, tilting her chin up for a kiss.
"You're wrong, Stevie. I'm the one who's not worthy of you. I've been doing everything in my power to hurt you, to say things and do things that would be painful to you. What hurt me the most was when I saw the love you've always had for me fade away from your eyes."
"I had started falling for Hank." She admitted quietly, pressing herself closer to him, as his arm immediately wrapped around her.
"I know. I was seeing it. It was right there in front of me..."
"He was with me, he was there to call me beautiful, to make me feel beautiful. Something, that only you could ever do. And since you were acting as if you wanted nothing to do with me, I allowed myself to enjoy it. I knew he was married, but he never reminded me that. It was enough for me to look his way and he'd be tearing my clothes off. I needed that, I desperately needed that reassurance, because when you left me like that, I became ridiculously self-conscious. I thought that you got tired of my old body, of my tired face, of me. It completely destroyed my confidence."
"Please, Steph... Please, forgive me." Lindsey spoke, his face buried in her golden hair. "I... God, I don't deserve you!"
She heard what he was saying, but she kept talking about the other man. "On my birthday, Hank asked me to come to his apartment. I got ready; a gorgeous outfit, I did my hair and makeup, and I went to see him. He had cooked for me. We ate and drank wine, and talked about everything, just, you know... the most casual of things. After dinner he brought me strawberries, because he remembered how much I was asking for them the last time we saw each other. Do you hear that, Lindsey? He remembered something as stupid as that! I knew he had feelings for me and I was letting myself accept them and I was ready to return them. Then he asked me to wait somewhere other than the bedroom and when he returned to me, he took me by the hand and led me to his room, he had lit up tens of candles. He kissed me and we pulled the clothes off each other, and he carried me to bed. It wasn't us having sex, we were making love. And I was so happy, that I finally found someone. Someone, who I thought of as my partner, that he could be that and we could have a relationship. He told me he loved me, while I was feeling him moving inside of me and I think, I would have told him the same thing back if... if his wife hadn't walked in on us."
"What? Lacy caught you two?"
She just nodded. "And Hank wasn't about to do anything about it. I told him to go after her, I made him leave me alone. I got back to my condo and he was calling me nonstop, he was banging on my door until the early morning hours, but I didn't want to see him. When he came to my dressing room today, he told me he didn't try to go back to his wife, he didn't say he was sorry and begged her to let him come back home. Hank told me that he'll do anything to be with me, that he had fallen in love with me the very first time we saw each other."
"What did you tell him?"
"I didn't say anything, I wanted to see you first. He kissed me and I made him leave."
"Why did you want to see me first?"
"I want to know if you're ready to do what Hank is prepared for? Are you going to leave Kristen for me? Because I love you, Lindsey, I love you so much, but I can't do this anymore."
"Stevie, you know I want to be with you, but..."
"There can't be a but, Lindsey. You have to decide."
"She's going to forbid me from seeing the kids!"
"No, she's not. You are their father and a damn great one. It's because of you they have this wonderful life, a roof over their heads and food on the table. It's not Kristen who decides, when and how often you will be allowed to see your children, Lindsey. Couples get divorced and both parents get to see theirs kids. You're not any different."
"But she's going to fight for what she wants."
"And you're going to fight for it too, while I'll be with you, supporting you."
"I can't just..." He sighed. "Stevie, you have to give me time."
"I've given you time. I've given you for over ten years now, Lindsey. You have to choose. Either I'm staying here with you and we go through all this hell together or I get up and go back to my room, and call Hank."
Lindsey wasn't even blinking as he stared at her face, studying it whether she was for real or only joking. She was right, he couldn't ask her for more time, but he was so scared of losing his children. As much as he loved Stevie, he wouldn't survive without his kids.
"Okay."
"Okay?"
"Yeah, but I'm going to need you."
"And I swear I'll be there for you."
