i'll never be a poet

dear reader

-no you can stay there and watch me reach into my stomach and hold on to this bellyache for three four hours more you can watch me pinch and peel the soft clay of my yellow-green belly away and dig out the wobbly jelly-fat with my fake flushed nails and carve at my stomach wall with my bent silver spoon to trap the seism in my squeezed fist the enclosed walls of my trembling hand dimly glow like hot iron fading fast because i am holding on to the embers of dying starlight and squashing the soul of my spinning satellite with its spinning turbines that've been whipping up a real spacestorm in there you can see the carvings in the walls where anguish has dragged its long beckoning finger across you can watch me watch you and never break eye contact while i force the crushed apple sun to keep bleeding cosmic juice and spill over the craggy crater i have dug out like a nebulous waterfall flowing milk and meteors you can stay there and watch like you've always been watching and i'll be watching you waiting for a twitch in your frozen visage a blink a furrow anything and i'll watch you watch my mess of an abdominal moons rolling across the blackened flaming floor like lost marbles in hades instead of looking at my eyes looking at your downcast ones i watch you look away from my face because i know my eyes are big for my kind and i can illuminate them from my flaming insides where the wax holds a roaring pool of fire i know you're scared to look into my big black eyes that have been searching for death like two magnetic lumps of coal you are watching me find death and nailing it to my body war has passed and famine long gone pestilence's cloven hooves have trotted away gaily into the bruised horizon and you watch me wring death by its muscled neck with one skeletal hand and swirl it round and round and round and round and round my stomach you watch me make death a tenant then a permanent resident in my skin watch me kill death for an eternity as death swallows and chokes on my leaking blood you watch you just watch-