Jaded ||| Johanna Mason

nine

Jade stayed in her house for a very long time. She didn't go out, go explore the district she never got to explore. She stayed in bed.

Because when she got up, she was back in the arena. It was like a switch. First, she would see the people she killed. Thor, Boolean, Halibut. She saw them all.

It was hard to tell if she was still in the arena or not, she was afraid. And she had no one to help her.

Without Bulla, Jade was alone in the house. She felt like she was losing her mind each time a memory forced its way to the front. It had to get better. There was no way she could live her life like that.

And the worst part was that there was no relief in waking up. Her nightmares tormented her while she was asleep and the moment Jade woke, her flashbacks took over. It was an endless cycle of hell.

A week went by of this cycle. Jade had hardly eaten or even done anything. But she knew she had to do something before this killed her.

Besides, every other victor had done it and they were fine. Jade could do it too. But she understood why many of them turned to alcohol and morphling. Because it was hard.

Jade decided to do something small. She was going to explore.

She walked around the house and looked at everything, she touched everything.

In the study, Jade looked at all of the older books and trinkets sitting around. Ahenobarbus was a strange man.

But she found something. Tucked underneath of a small statue there was a letter. Confused, Jade picked it up, sat in the chair, and opened it.

To who it may concern,

My name is Ahenobarbus. You might know me, you might not. I was the first Victor. But if you are reading this, that means you're a victor too. And I'm sorry.

I thought we were fighting for something. I really did. But the more children we send into the arena, the more greedy we become for victors, the more I realize that our fight was for nothing.

We don't win our games, no one does. The moment we leave, we're a slave. Because we all have someone we love.

I've managed to convince the others. I thought it would make it easier if they thought this was right, they found purpose. But it isn't right. None of it is.

If you're reading this, I hope you can understand that. And know that I'm sorry for starting this. For putting you through the games and the arena and everything after.

Even I still remember my games, the faces of the rebels I killed. It doesn't go away, it never will. It gets better but it doesn't go away.

But please. If you're given the chance to change this, do it. For everyone who came before you and everyone who will come after. We can't do this forever.

And maybe this is wishful thinking. But for my sake, think about it and know we all do what we have to do.

-Ahenobarbus.

Jade was stunned when she read the letter. She had no idea that the very first Victor thought this way. That even he didn't want the hunger games to continue.