Jaded ||| Johanna Mason

seventeen

Jade realized something in the days after her mother had been murdered. As she laid in her bed, unmoving, it came to her. The moment replayed in her mind over and over. And then her mind went to Snow, what he told her. Their arrangement was off. And Jade was free.

Jade was glad her mother was dead.

She missed the woman. Of course, she did, more than anything in the world. But Bulla thought Jade was a monster, and she was.

Bulla didn't have to live in a world where her daughter was a vicious murderer. She got to go be with Nero.

And as bad as it was, Jade was free. Snow could not control her, he had nothing to use against her. She had no one left she loved.

It didn't make Jade feel better in the days that followed. It didn't soften her shell. But it was a realization that helped Jade cope somewhat with her situation. She was glad Bulla was dead.

Being alone was better. Alone with no one Snow could use as leverage. No one Jade had to save, no one she had to care about.

Domitia took care to remove all of the alcohol from Jade's house and halt all orders if she tried to place any. She wouldn't let Jade be like Haymitch. No matter the health hazards, 2's weren't like him. They weren't drunks.

Instead, she checked on Jade every single day to make sure the girl didn't hurt herself. She got some of the others to visit sometimes but Jade couldn't have cared less about them. She just wanted to be alone.

Grief was such a strange thing. Some days Jade felt like she could be okay. That maybe she would be able to cope. Others, she cried the entire day. Sometimes she spent the day in bed or she went on a screaming rant. Jade never felt the same and she had no idea how to fix it.

Time seemed to fly, though. And four months later, even though Jade felt like she'd made no progress, the 4's were arriving for Annie's tour.

As the newest victor, Jade was supposed to lead them on a tour. And no way in fucking hell did she feel like leading them around.

"I don't understand why I even have to show up. Snow can't do anything to me if I don't. I'm not going to the banquet." Jade was picking at her nails and standing in front of Domitia in a loose sweater.

"It's not to please Snow, it's to show respect for the victor. You're friends with Mags and Finnick. Just show up, I don't care if you walk them around the justice building and call it a tour." Domitia was used to dealing with Jade's moods, though it never seemed to get easier.

Jade begrudgingly agreed and greeted the 4's at the station. She wasn't enthusiastic about it.

By that point, almost all of the victors had heard the news. Jade's only living family had been killed by Snow as punishment. They didn't know for what and didn't care to ask.

The tension was obvious among them. Finnick and Mags wanted to comfort Jade, talk to her, but they had a job to do with the others. And they were still at risk.

Annie was just as much of a mess as she was when she won. Maybe she was a little more present and coherent but her speeches were less than inspiring. It was merciful when she was done and it was time for the tour.