No Looking Back

Chapter 19

Layla's POV:

It was Saturday.

Oh my god, if I was freaking out about agreeing to marry Faiz before, now it was real.

I still remember all of last week, where I was pacing and going to Reyna as if she were my therapist.

The poor girl tried so hard to give me unbiased answers, but I knew that she was very much on board with me marrying her brother, making it very obvious sometimes. We both agreed to give up, and also agreed that I should go to someone else.

So, I went to Maryam Qureshi. We had met up for coffee a couple of times and ended up talking so much. At first, when I told her my predicament, Maryam was surprised, asking about why I changed my mind about marrying before securing my dream job. But after she heard the story, she sympathized, letting me rant my feelings to her.

These coffee-talks became frequent and very quickly she became like a sister to me, like how Reyna is. Sure, we had been close friends before, but confiding in her about the marriage deal had made us closer.

Our conversation on Sunday evening was what made me decide to marry him.

"I see him, Maryam, all the damn time. The poor guy is like a sad puppy. He's always glancing at me whenever we see each other outside or with our families. He tries to grab my attention, tries to talk to me, but how can I? He's so sweet, but I'm still deciding if I want to really marry him," I had told her, leaning on the table, my hands over my face.

Maryam had been playing with the sugar packets, pursing her lips, deep in thought.

Another thing I've come to love about her: she always thinks deeply about her responses, and her responses are so genuine, they make you feel validated and heard.

"Layla, of course, he's going to feel like that. Think about it from his point of view: he wanted you to be happy, so he proposed a deal where you both get what you want from this arranged business marriage. But don't make thinking about your own feelings about this decision as selfish. Make this decision with your feelings leading now, because you have all the cards laid out in front of you now. This is your move. What you say goes. You shouldn't make your decision based on feeling bad for Faiz. He'll need to wait for any answer you give him, whether it's a 'yes' or a 'no'. You need to make the choice for the outcomes you want," she finally says.

I nod in understanding of what she's saying.

"I mean, let's stick with the facts for a sec, shall we? If you marry Faiz, you get your position, you get gorgeous Reyna as your bhabi, and you get Faiz as a husband. I mean, your parents couldn't have chosen a nicer guy to arrange for you to marry. He's sweet, he's respectful, he knows what's up. He would never put you in harm's way. So him, his family, the company position, they're obviously not the problem. So I need to ask Layla, what's the real problem? Why are you stuck?" She asks.

What she had asked me was a lot to unload.

I had bit my lip, glad to have the chance to speak on what's on my mind.

"Maryam, babe, to tell you the truth, I do want to marry Faiz. He is a nice guy, and I would be getting my company, and our families would be happy but..." I had stopped.

She had raised a brow. "But...?" she said, waiting for me to continue.

"But he promised he wouldn't get intimate, but what if... what if that's something I want? Having an intimate relationship. And I know I might have a crush on Faiz now, but getting married to him would just feel... rushed. And I don't even know the first thing about being a wife! What if I screw up? Will I lose feeling for him? Will he lose feeling for me? He wants kids, but do I want kids? I've never even thought of kids!" I had finished, my thoughts finally tumbling out of my mouth from a week of suppression, a feeling of relief had washed over me, making me feel lighter.