Mine (HOOD) [COMPLETED]

24; Moving on

Calum's POV

Shay and Tommy went back around lunchtime, and I miss them already. I miss my son cause he has a potential to be an amazing rockstar and I miss Shay, just cause. It was amazing seeing Shay in such a mom mode when she told us off about our kiddish behaviour. I know that the guys and I can be super immature about little things, but that's just how we bond. Regardless, we need to show a great example to Tommy if I want him to stick around. 

I grab the bass from its stand in the living area and walk into my room to sing some tunes from my song book but as I look at my table, it looks strangely neat. I stack my books but somehow all the corners are on top of each other, did Shay went through my stuff? Did she found out about the Little Women novel? I hope not, I hope that she just can't stand looking at my books being stacked like Jenga blocks and just doing a little tidy favour. I pull the book under the stacks and hold it onto my chest, it just has an effect on me and I do not want to let it go. Why can't I let go? I am aware that I never stopped caring for Shay, and I know that leaving her is a mistake which I regret till I die cause no one deserves to be abandoned without any form of closure. I sit on my bed, put the bass on my lap and start strumming and let my emotions flow through my fingers, I even feel like I need to sing something out of my chest. 

I never said these words to you,
And I think I never will,
Cause you pushed me away, because of my mistake,
I don't blame you, I'll do the same.

But why can't I let go,
Even you told me no, a million times before,
Why can't I let go,
All of the memories, playing back between you and me,
Intertwining under starry nights, the sunny sky,
The times you make me smile, and it's been awhile,
I feel the way I felt, when I can't let you go. 

But why do you have to toss me away,
Can't I be your beautiful mistake that came back for a second chance,
To be a better man..

Cause I can't let go, all of these feelings,
It is a part of me and I don't want it to leave,
Let me show you, let me hold you,
and I will never let you go,
Like I did before. 

I stopped strumming and tighten the grip of my bass to hold the tears behind my eyes, I don't know why I can't let go of Shay. I have this connection with her and I never want it to disconnect, even after meeting a bunch of girls around the world, I still feel that the girl who reads on the bench till the sun sets back in Sydney is the best girl I have ever met. Maybe this is how she felt when I left her, the excruciating pain that makes you harder to breath. 

"Buddy, you're okay?", Micheal said laying his side on my door. 

"Love sucks, man", I told him and he quickly sit beside me and put his hand over my shoulder.

"Cal, are you talking about Shay?"

"Who else, Mikey? Who else have I fallen in love with all these years? I have traveled the whole world and meet these hot young women everywhere, but I still think of the girl I dated back in Sydney and is now a mother of my child", I told him.

"Okay, I'm gonna be blunt to you and don't get all angry", he looks straight at me and I look back at him, waiting for him to say something that will potentially have my fist on his face. 

"You never talked about Shay when we're on the road, and now when you find out that Tommy exists and Shay is the mother, maybe that's just triggering some nostalgic feeling. You are having feelings for Shay because of guilt and it's the desire to play family with Shay but Shay is not a play thing. Don't play with her feelings anymore, Calum. You left her cause you were unsure of your feelings, don't lead her on and leave her again because of the same reason, because when our album is out, we're going on tour again, buddy. How are you gonna handle that?"