Right Place Wrong Time

chapter 12

After that, Matt and I were closer than ever, I knew everything about him now, all those secrets that he had kept all his life, all the pain that he had fuelled into sex or boxing. I understood him because we were more similar than he thought. The month after I found out my dad had died; I slept with 16 different guys in one month. I needed a distraction from the pain and the confusion, for me that was the only way out.

As January drew to a close, the mood around my house began to become tense and sombre. I turned my phone off for a few days and booked them off work. This was the time of year where it was important to be with my family.

The 4th of February hit us all like a steam train, we all knew it was coming and we knew it would be difficult but I don’t think any of us could have predicted the actual impact.

The 4th of February was the day my dad died.

My mum had planned out the day so that we could dedicate it to the memory of my father. In the morning, we ate his favourite breakfast, then we went and walked around the fields he used to love, after that we went to his favourite restaurant for lunch. After lunch we walked down to the cemetery where my dad’s grave was. Everyone laid their flowers and I held my mum’s hand as she cried.

“You coming Tia?” Pete asked as they walked away towards the car.

“I’m going to stay a while,” I said quietly, “I’ll walk back later.”

“Ok honey.”

I watched the car roll away down the street and then knelt down beside his grave stone. I rearranged some of the flowers and then wiped my hand slowly along the cold inscription of his name.

“I miss you daddy,” I whispered, “I’m sorry I haven’t visited you and I’m sorry I haven’t prayed for you. If I had prayed, would it have made a difference? If God had listened to my prayers, you’d be right here with me. But it’s ok because I know that whatever you did before you died, you did it to save someone. Thank you for everything Dad.”

I felt a tear trickle down my cheek as I stared straight at his grave stone.

“I’m sorry it’s taken until now for me to cry for you.”

I laid my lily down on his bed, kissed my fingers and placed them on his name, and I walked away.