A Quiet Kismet

Chapter Twenty Eight

AGE: 10

Jaimie was in the slumps after coming back from a date night with her boyfriend, Gael. These days their date nights had revolved around where they were going to live once the baby was born, and how they were going to support their new family. I knew it wasn't how she envisioned her senior year to be. Pregnant and figuring out her life faster than any of her friends.

She was sobbing when I found her, curled up in her bed with the covers over her. I crept in quietly and sat on the floor next to her bed. I wasn't the one Jaimie would have gone to whenever she was upset. Those spots were usually reserved faithfully for Delia and Jorge. While Delia was earnest and honest with her approach, Jorge was easily her shoulder to cry on, encouraging her every step of the way. I was neither.

But Delia had been in Beaumont with her piss poor excuse of a husband, and Jorge had been working on the rigs, with minimal outside contact. And this didn't seem like the kind of sobfest that should have happened over the phone.

"Are you okay?" I asked her.

Jaimie choked on a sob and sat up with little struggle. Her face was tear strained and her hair all in disarray. "What are you doing up Millie? It's late and you have school in the morning." She said, softly chastising me.

I shrugged. The truth was I didn't sleep well most nights. I usually stayed up reading books, or daydreaming for hours until my eyes felt heavy enough to sleep. That night had been one of those nights, so it was easy for me to hear Jaimie coming in right before midnight to cry in her room.

"I'll be fine." I waved her off, letting the silence settle between us. Then when it seemed like it had become heavy and awkward I cleared my throat and tried to channel my inner Delia and Jorge. "What happened? Do I need to kick someone's ass?"

Jaimie snorted and shook her head, "You shouldn't be swearing Millie. You're ten, it's not very becoming of you."

I laughed, "You sound like a proper southern belle."

Jaimie cracked a smile, "Eighteen and pregnant, yeah that's proper."

I stopped short and shook my head, "Is that why you're upset?"

She let out a deep shaky sigh and laid back down, patting the spot next to her. I didn't hesitate to crawl into the small space and curl up into her side. Her hand reached out and touched her belly, closing her eyes. I think she was gathering her strength so I didn't say anything and waited for her patiently.

"Nobody ever tells you what it's really like being in love, and having a family so young. Sure they tell you to wait until you're old enough to take care of yourself...but when it happens backwards it's..." She trailed off sniffling. I placed my hand atop her and squeezed my fingers around hers. "Millie, I don't know what I'm doing."

"No one does. I don't think anybody ever figures it out." I offered lamely. If our mother was any example, it was that you could pull yourself together but still not have it figured out. My small belief was that we faked it until one day we didn't have to anymore. "You're going to be okay no matter what."

"I'm scared it's happening too fast. I'm supposed to be picking out prom dresses and colleges not changing tables and strollers. It's so messed up!"

"Jaimie, do you want to do this?" I asked her carefully.

She laid there, with her hand on her belly for a long time just staring at the ceiling. She had little glow in the dark stars on her ceiling, mirroring the ones in my own room. Looking at them with her it was easy to remember that Jaimie wasn't much older than me. I could see why this would scare her, this was her future. It was happening right now, small limbs, heart beating, blood pumping and everything. Her life was already happening and she was trying to understand it. I was trying to understand it for her.

"Yeah I do." She said decidedly, "I know we're Catholic and we're supposed to believe that abortion is a sin. But I never did, you know I support a woman's choice to do what she wants with her body. I just...this was my decision. To have this baby no matter what. Now here I am, pregnant, in a relationship that feels like it's stalling, and probably flunking out of school as we speak. Some role model I am." She scoffed bitterly.

"You're my incredibly head strong sister who doesn't take crap from anyone. You're still in school and you will finish because you'd never let your kid grow up knowing that you gave up. You found your life partner early in life and you're hitting your first obstacle, and I know you'll work it out because you're headstrong and failure isn't even a word in your vocabulary." I said fiercely, hoping to whatever high powers pulled the strings that they'd restore this belief in my sister.

"Thank you Millie." Jaimie said wrapping her arms around me and pulling me closer so that my head fit right in the crook of her neck. I closed my eyes and smiled, "You don't think I'm crazy for wanting this?"

I shook my head and echoed Mom's words, "The road you travel should always be paved by the decisions you made for yourself."

Jaimie snorted, "She loves throwing out that line."

"It's a good line." I countered.

"Yeah it is."

It's been a long time coming but I'm back. I have a lot of unpublished chapters and in the coming weeks I'll be posting more here and on RadishFiction (@-rheaday97 ) I have one more chapter to post so please read on!

-R.E Bell