kis·met
/ˈkizmit,ˈkizˌmet/
noun
destiny; fate.
We were always fated to be in each others lives. It was written in the stars the moment we wrestled on the playground our first day of preschool. But it was easier to love him behind the veil of hatred...
My mother had this saying, "Agua que no has de beber, déjala correr." Which literally translates to, water you shouldn't drink just let it flow. It was a warning, don't get yourself into something that doesn't concern you or you'll soon regret. I wondered if this was one of those times.
I had taken a bus from Onassis to Gable. A normal eight hour drive took twelve because of pit-stops and a broken radiator on one of the transits. It was a horrible trip, but I had managed to get to Gable in one piece. I didn't have a car, but I was at least grateful the town was small enough that everywhere took at least five minutes to get to on foot.
As soon as my feet had hit the ground, I felt a sense of nostalgia. I was home and I didn't expect it to feel like it. It was late afternoon on a friday evening, and everyone was out and about. I walked downtown where all the diners were and walked past Sally's Southern Comfort Inn, affectionately called Sally's the only diner worth eating at in Gable. It was as if time had stood still in the diner, everything looked exactly as it had. The red table tops with leather white booths. The same subway tiles on the walls with pictures of every varsity football team since the 1960's hung on one wall, and a portrait of Sally holding up a stack of flapjacks on another.
I was about to go in for a quick bite when I saw him. He walked right past me with a group of people, they were all talking about a party that was going down that night. Everyone but Derek and one other guy walked into the diner. I slipped to the side of the building, deciding I didn't want him to see me. Two horrible scenarios played through my head. One he would recognize me, and I'd have to explain why I was in town and saying I was in search of my estranged father was not small talk. Or he wouldn't recognize me, and that would crush me. I don't know why, it wasn't like I had pined after Derek when we moved to Onassis. I had moved on, and dated boys who liked me back. I was over a silly childhood crush.
But still, the thought of him forgetting me hurt.
"I don't know dude, my Dad was already pissed that I missed a day of work last weekend." Derek said, and it startled me how deep his voice had gotten. I mean, I knew it would, he couldn't stay pubescent forever, but still. Unlike the diner, he wasn't frozen in time.
"You do know you don't work for him right? He doesn't pay you to work with him. You can just skip it and come party with us. Come on Derek, it's our last summer before everyone goes off for school." The guy said, and Derek looked conflicted.
"He's already pissed that I'm going to Lubbock with you in September. He'll want help this summer, I can't just bail on him." Derek insisted. The other guy rolled his eyes and shook his head at Derek.
"He has an entire construction crew. No offense but your Dad can manage." His friend said, "You're already going to work for him and eventually take over the business. Why not learn a few new tricks and experience a whole new world outside of Gable before that happens?"
I didn't know who his friend was, I didn't recognize him as anyone I'd grown up with, but I wanted to rush over to him and take his side. I didn't know what Derek was up against, but I was all for going to college to discover yourself. When I got into UT Austin, I almost expected my Mom to stop me, but all she said was, "The road you travel should always be paved by the decisions you made for yourself."
Derek nodded, like his friend's words struck a chord within him, like a fire igniting. "You're right. It's my last summer before college. He can deal without me, I'll just tell him something came up."
"Yes!" His friend cheered, shoving Derek excitedly.
I smiled, and decided that was how I would leave Derek. Him, deciding to take the road paved by his own decisions. Now it was my turn. I walked away from Sally's and took the back roads to the only trailer park in town, my Dad's address burned into my brain. My mother's voice not too far away echoing in my head.
"The road you travel should always be paved by the decisions you made for yourself."
"Agua que no has de beber, déjala correr."
I was in a place where I could pave the road with my own decisions, and I could regret that decision. There was only one way to find out for sure, and that was to find my Dad.
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So I was supposed to be back last week but life happened. My older brother was in a serious car accident NYE and between calling the hospital every hour to get updates for him (because of covid we couldn't be by his side) and making arrangements to bring him home to care for him, I had completely forgot to update.
But my brother is home now and recovering. Since I work from home it's easiest for me to be his caregiver and help him with his physical training. Updates might be slower from here on out but I hope you all understand.
