A Quiet Kismet

Chapter Nineteen

AGE 26

My mom stopped me as I entered the restaurant again. Her red stained lips were pressed firmly together in disdain. "Can we talk for a moment, Amelia." She said in a tone that said it wasn't a request. I nodded and followed her to the back room of the restaurant.

As we walked farther away from everyone, I glanced back once and saw Derek entering the restaurant. His eyes scanned the crowd and when his eyes met mine, I turned away and followed my Mom.

I braced myself for whatever my Mother had to throw at me. It would be the topping to a very shitty evening. "Mom-"

"Are you okay?" She asked worriedly, her hands finding mine and squeezing them.

I blinked, "What?"

The wrinkles around her mouth and eyes smoothed out, and leaned her hand against my shoulder. "I saw you come in with Ruben earlier. You looked a little shook up. Are you okay, mija?"

I stared at her and tried to imagine her as a lovestruck young girl. As someone who had many ambitions and people behind her cheering her on. But I couldn't. She was my Mom.

She was my strong willed mother who scoffed at the idea of love. Who's greatest ambition was making sure the lights stayed on this month. She wasn't this wide eyed dreamer. She was just Mom, my no nonsense, dependable mother.

"I'm okay." I said, shaking her hand off of me.

She looked hurt, but dropped her hand. "Are you sure? I just want to..." She trailed off, her eyes moving over my shoulder. I turned and found Ruben standing next to Jorge and his family. He was holding my niece, Eva, in his arms. It was a flashback to my childhood and something in me cracked and ached for that little girl. Mom's eyes fleeted back to mine, her eyes elsewhere, in her memories, like mine were. "It's hard to see him again." She admitted.

"You don't think I know that?" I bit out, my Mother flinching at my tone. She reached out, as if she wanted to comfort me but I turned my shoulder on her. I didn't want to hear a reprimand from her. "I should go find my table." I said excusing myself.

"This is hard for all of us, but he's trying. We could meet him halfway." Mom said calling after me. I fisted my hands, letting my nails dig into my skin.

Meet him halfway? Why should we? Ruben left this family a long time ago and only now wanted to be a part of us again? We were all grown up, we don't need him now! We needed him when we were kids, when Mom was drowning in bills, when Delia ran off and didn't come back, when Jorge shipped himself out into the middle of the sea to make ends meet, when Jaimie struggled with motherhood, when Jules and Ruby cried out for him when they had nightmares. I needed him, to tell me that I'd be okay even if everything else wasn't.

But now we have to meet him halfway. Now that we're fine, and functioning. Now that we've rebuilt and healed from the past. I wouldn't do it, and I couldn't believe Mom of all people was asking me to.

I forced my legs to move me farther away. Each step felt like I was walking on pin needles. My feet felt like they were shrouded in open gash wounds, but I forced myself to keep walking, to keep going . When I finally reached my table, I nearly collapsed in relief.

I let out an audible sigh and didn't even notice I wasn't alone. "You okay?" Ruby asked me, his eyes clear and sober.

"You're not high?" I mustered up a smile. Ruby stared at me flatly and shook his head. "What? What did I say?"

"I'm not high all the time. That's just what you think Millie." He said his voice on the verge of hurt. "I'm not saying smoking weed is bad, but come on. I'm more than a stoner."