kis·met
/ˈkizmit,ˈkizˌmet/
noun
destiny; fate.
We were always fated to be in each others lives. It was written in the stars the moment we wrestled on the playground our first day of preschool. But it was easier to love him behind the veil of hatred...
Delia had sent a postcard from Austin. It had a picture of the city skyline on it. On the back where the words, 'Got Hitched, C U Soon!' signed in her neat handwriting. My mother didn't cry from joy or any other emotion. Instead she took the postcard and threw it right in the garbage. Then she went to her room and didn't speak to anyone for three days.
Jaimie and Jorge fished out the postcard and talked in hushed tones. Most likely about Delia getting hitched out of nowhere. Jorge had mumbled something about a shotgun wedding, but I was too young to understand what he meant. Jaimie whispered worriedly about Delia's state of mind, and reflecting back on it now, I still wonder about her state of mind.
Julia looked the most confused and asked the most questions. So one day I took her to the park so she wouldn't go around asking Mom questions. "Why is Mommy mad? I thought weddings were supposed to make people happy?" She asked.
She jumped on the merry-go-round, and waited for me to push. I rolled my eyes and gave her a running start. She screamed in delight as it went faster and faster. It gave me enough time to find what to tell her.
I barely understood it myself then. Maybe Mom was mad Delia got married in the first place. It wouldn't have mattered if Delia had asked Mom for her blessing, because Mom would've said no. I don't think she wanted Delia to make the same mistakes as her. But then she got married and Mom was probably thinking that history was repeating itself.
Maybe it was, and that probably scared her more than anything.
When the merry-go-round stopped, Julia was back to questioning me. "So? Why isn't Mommy happy?"
"Um...I think Mom is just sad she couldn't be there." I said carefully. What I didn't say was that Mom was probably pissed she got married at all.
"I'm sad Delia didn't invite us." Julia frowned, digging the toe of her shoe in the dirt. It was a habit of mine that Julia seemingly picked up on. If Mama saw, she'd go nuts, but since it was just the two of us, I let her. "Why didn't she invite us?"
"She probably got swept up in the romance." I offered weakly.
Of course the real reason could be that she had been trying to distance herself from us for years. Delia liked to do things on her own, she was always trying to find an identity apart from us. I think out of all of us, Daddy leaving messed her up the most. Sure she'd always been the shock factor sister. Whether it was dying her hair electric blue, shaving half of it off, getting a lip piercing, or a new tattoo, Delia was doing it for the notoriety of it all. Even I knew that, and I consider myself a person who doesn't know jack shit.
But her running off to get married was probably the worst thing she'd ever done, and romance had nothing to do with it.
"Romance? Like she was too in love to remember us?" She said, her eyes wide and brimmed with tears.
"Hey," I said, sitting her down, pulling her closer to me. "no that's not it. Of course she remembered us, but we have school and Mom has work. She must've forgotten that. It's okay Jules, she still remembers us."
This didn't make Jule's feel better, if anything it made her even more upset. She ended up crying big fat tears and her face scrunched up. It looked like she sucked on a lemon. "When I get married I don't want Delia there. It's only fair." She said hiccuping.
"Don't say that." I chastised her softly. "You'll be sad if you don't have everyone you love there."
Jule's sniffled and laid her head on my shoulder. The breeze of early spring was in the air and the sun felt like a warm hug after one of the longest winters of our lives. Dad was gone, Delia was gone, Mom was here but not really. Things were changing.
What once was a family, was now a big question mark.
"When I get married, I want everyone there, including Delia." Jules decided. "But she'll have to sit in the back, because I wasn't at her wedding so it's fair."
"That seems fair." I smiled. Then it hit me, in my eyes, my family was in limbo. Stuck in a place undefined and with unpaved roads. But in my sweet little sister's mind, who only wished for the best in everyone. Our family was still very much a family. She was naive, but hopeful, and that had to mean something.
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New chapters bring me joy!
I think this chapter a little rough and I might do edits later but I have the day off today so I'm just going to relax and watch some K-Dramas tonight. I'll be back next Thursday.
Also if you guys have any song recommendations let me know. I love listening to new songs.
