I'll Be Good, I Will (Brahms Heelshire × Reader)

15

First Person P.O.V - (Y/N)

-It's been a week and a half since Brahms had gotten shot, and Loki had come back for more inspecting. Brahms, with his repaired mask, sat on the couch with his shirt lifted for Loki as they looked at his wound. Brahms looked very angry just looking at Loki, but of course he kept all his anger in. Instead he was just looking at me, who gave him a smile before I'd look at Loki.
-"Seems like he's moved just a little too much than he should have been allowed to." Loki says. "But it's enough for it to still heal properly. I'd just say quit letting him walk and he won't have to live with disfigured muscles." Loki then lifts their eyes and makes eye contact with Brahms before standing up and turning around to face me. "My four hundred."
-"Yeah, I got it." I take the money out of my back pocket and I hand it to him, and soon enough Loki is reading through the bills.
-"Yup, four hundred." Loki then steps up close beside me, stuffing their own back pocket with the cash before they lean towards me. "You let me know when you want to leave this place." They whisper to me. "You look scared."
-"I'm scared for you." I tell them, and they seem to raise they brows.
-"I'm pretty sure that's worse." Loki pats my shoulder, before sighing through their nose and stuffing their hands into their pockets. "Call me if you need anything. You've got my number."
-Loki walks away from me, and soon enough I'm sitting down next to Brahms, my body relaxing back against the couch with a huff from my nose. I could feel Brahms' eyes on me, and when I don't say anything, he finds it as an opportunity to speak up.
-"Did they upset you?" Brahms asks, and I shake my head. "What's wrong??"
-"I'm just tired Brahms, I.." I pause, before I take a deep breath and let it out in a shaky sigh. "I killed Henderson a week ago.. Dragged him and Candy to the incinerator. Y'know, when I had helped you with Billy and Edgar it wasn't quite as bad. But doing it on my own? Having killed one of them??.. I feel like I'm gonna vomit just thinking about it."
-"Vomit?? Are you sick??"
-"No, but I feel sick.. I never thought I'd have to kill..." I turn and I look at Brahms, recognizing the look of innocence and confusion in his eyes. "Right, uh.. I guess you wouldn't get it." I say, looking forward.
-"Why wouldn't I?"
-"You didn't bat an eye when you killed Edgar and Billy. You're desensitized to the whole murdering people thing I'm sure.. Y'know, maybe you felt bad about it once, but no matter what it's supposed to feel bad. Henderson was someone I knew, and sure he was trying to kill me, but now I've got his blood on my hands and I can't stop remembering who he was before it all."
-"...I've felt bad before." Brahms admits. "Do you wanna hug?"
-I turn to him, and I stare at his eyes, before I slowly lean over and rest my body against his side. I sigh softly, getting comfortable and snug as the soft sound of music plays from tbe vinyl record from afar. It was music appreciation time after all.
-"Brahms." I mutter, and he shifts slightly to take notice of me. "Do you want to hurt Loki?"
-"...Yeah."
-"Can you promise me not to hurt them?"
-Brahms becomes silent for a moment, before he huffs angrily, and hums in approval. But of course I can tell by the way his body was tensed under mine that he wasn't very comfortable with the idea of Loki not being something he could "fix". When I rose off of his body, I stood up as well, and he grabs my hand as soon as I'm no longer in contact with him. I look down at his curious eyes, somewhat pleading and somewhat controlling all at the same time.
-"I'm going to use the bathroom for a second Brahms, alright? I'll be right back. Sit here and enjoy the music, okay?" I lean forward and I press a soft kiss to his forehead.
-With that he finally lets me go, and I'm walking away from him. The bathroom was relatively close, and as soon as I shut the door, I let myself go. I lean my back against it's base and press my hands to my forehead, letting the stress in my body slowly disintegrate and fall off of me.
-It wasn't that I didn't love Brahms, but he was so difficult sometimes. I didn't think I'd put my life into taking care of a grown man who wants to play baby.. Not that I really mind in the end. I never really had my own kid, and I always wanted to take care of people. Maybe this is my repent for not saving Sarah when I could, for killing Henderson. It's not a bad consequence surprisingly, but it's still what I ended up with. Sarah is rolling in her grave right now, I can hear her laughing at me.. Wait, no. That's just in my head. I'm remembering all the times she burst out laughing at my jokes when she got drunk.
-I haven't had a single chance to grieve for her, haven't had a chance to grieve for anything. The emotional bottle was going to blow up eventually, but I didn't think now would be the best time. I still have to help Brahms.
-I wash my face off with water, hoping it will soothe my stress before I walked back into the music room. "Hey Brahms, I think Language is in ten minutes. How about we get a head start and start heading for the library?" I pause at the doorway to see him hunched over, his mask in both of his hands. "...Brahms?"
-He lifts his head just slightly in my direction, keeping his eyes on the ground however as I approach him and stand in front of his figure. I run my fingers through his hair and I play with the soft locks, attempting to soothe whatever tension was growing in him. He simply hums, and my heart thumps deep in my chest as he slowly lifts his head, but then he freezes halfway. I can tell his insecurities were pulling him back down, and I bite my cheek a little.
-"It's okay Brahms." I tell him, remaining as calm as I can despite my excitement and nervousness. "Just remember that I'm not going anywhere."
-With that he looks up at me, a little quicker than expected, and I hold myself back from absolutely any reaction I could've had. A good half of his face was burned, but not at all split down the middle. Scars engulfed the top of his head and his right cheekbone and above that. But his jaw, and left side of his face were unscathed, as well as his lips and part of his nose. Regardless of these marks though, I found him quite attractive. I can't stop myself from smiling.
-He's trusted me enough to show me his face. I could tell by the way his eyes shift from my eyes to my smiling lips, his eyes lighting up with hope. He's relieved when my hands leave his hair and gently cup his face.
-"You are handsome, gorgeous." I compliment, leaning forward and pressing a soft kiss to his unscarred cheek, before I lean back. "Does it hurt to touch?"
-He shakes his head. "Hurts to move."
-"Awe, I'm sorry Brahms.. With time we'll find a way to fix that, don't you worry." My thumb strokes his bare cheek and he twitches, before his head leans into my hand, and he closes his eyes. I can't help but smile a bit more at the sight of his shoulders slowly lowering through his comfort. "Thank you for trusting me, Brahms. I trust you too."
-He hums, his hand grabbing mine as he pressed a soft kiss into my palm and looks up at me. "..Kiss?"
-"On your real lips this time?" He nods, and I nod. "Alright.. Let me know if I hurt you, okay?"
-I lean forward, and before I can kiss him, he's kissing me. I hum in surprise at his eager attitude, yet I should've expected it. His kiss is very inexperienced, yet as I start kissing him back he becomes the quick learner that he's always been. His hands rise and clasp my face, holding me tightly as if I was going to run from him for any reason, and I hear his breathing pick up. His obsessiveness was getting the better of him, and with that I break the kiss, letting him breathe.
-"(Y/N)." He whines at me, and I can't help but giggle. "You're laughing at me."
-"I'm laughing at how cute you are. It's not meant to be mean.. I'll give you one more kiss, and then we gotta go to the library, okay?"
-"Then I can have more kisses?"
-"If you're good." I coo back, and I lean back down and earn a more gentle kiss this time around.

-Brahms laid down slowly as I tucked him in that night, and reading him a story was not at all a hassle. After the bed time kiss, which happened to be on his real lips this time around, he strapped his mask back on like he had done multiple times already. He's always wearing it when he knows he won't get kisses now.
-I rounded the bed and laid down beside him, knowing if I don't he'll try to walk the treacherous hall all the way down to my room to get to me. I'd prefer to just be here when he needs it, and he and I are both very comfortable with that fact. Tonight was like all the other nights this past week.. Except in a few hours it'd turn out to be something different.