I'll Be Good, I Will (Brahms Heelshire × Reader)

20

First Person P.O.V - (Y/N)

-French Toast was for breakfast yesterday; today was the day that Winona came with a new delivery. I already knew of the food products that'd come with her, but the extra items bought were certainly not edible. Burn scar removal cream, cotton balls, as well as skin care products to help, and other healing items that I thought up of. There wasn't much variety in the end, but regardless of all that, Brahms seemed fairly happy that I was putting effort into making him feel better about himself.
-"I don't think you're ugly Brahms, I think your beautiful and perfect. YOU think you're ugly, so we're gonna fix that."
-I held Brahms hand tight as he opened the front door, and he froze at the sight of Winona who gave him a bright smile that held no judgment.
-"Hello Mr.Heelshire!" She exclaimed. "How are you doing today?"
-I look up at Brahms as he stands there as still as a statue, his hands shaking a little before he clears his throat. "...good."
-"Oh, that's great news! I'm also doing pretty well. I've brought you all of your groceries plus your medical things. I sure do hope that it helps you feel better."
-"...thanks."
-Winona nods with a smile and then looks at me. I start speaking, given the silence was slowly shifting to a sense of awkwardness. "It's really good to see you Winona. Uh, do you think on your next trip you can pick up some medical books for us? I don't know what books are good."
-"Oh!" Then she starts talking on and on, and as she's doing so I'm half listening and half focusing on my hand on the small of Brahms' back. It's at least five minutes of listening to her ramble on about how her wife used to be a military nurse and saved many men before she retired. "So if you'd like to borrow a few things from her she would love to help out! Maybe she can come over and tend for him herself if you're having too much difficulty."
-"I'll think about it, but I think borrowing the books will be just enough. If I need anymore help with it then I certainly will ask."
-"And I will be willing to help! You two have a wonderful day now."
-I nod, and I give Winona a wave before I shut the door for Brahms, he let out a huff of air before he looked down at me.
-"I don't like socializing." Brahms grumbles.
-"I don't blame you, but if you're going to live life to its fullest then you should be able to get out of the house once'n'a while." I poke his chest, and I take some of the groceries from him. "C'mon, to the kitchen."
-Brahms follows behind me as we walk down the hallway. "What if I don't ever wanna go out of the house?"
-"Well, you can do that.. But I'll have you know that it's nice being able to go places rather than being forced to stay in one spot forever for the rest of your life."
-"..Do you not like it here?" I look up at him as he asked this, and I shrugged.
-"It's cozy, and it's definitely a nice place to live.. I guess the difference between you and me is that I'm not used to being.. Y'know, constantly in one spot forever. I guess part of me is thinking you're miserable without being able to see the world. Are you not.. Y'know, sad here?"
-"I was when I was alone. But now I have you, and you're not going to leave me."
-"No, no I'm not." I set the bags on the floor as I turn and I look at Brahms who follows suit. He looks at me, knowing I had more to say. "But, uh.. I do have a life, Brahms, you know? A life that I wanna live, and.. Maybe, sometimes, we can leave the house?"
-"I don't wanna go out in public."
-"Well maybe not in public but like, we can start with that walk we went on. We can go on more walks in the spring and.." I could feel myself tense, feeling like he might take it the wrong way as I speak, but what better way than to just get it out and be straight forward. "I don't want to be in the house forever Brahms."
-He cocks his head to the side. "...But I don't wanna leave?"
-"Well that's you Brahms, you don't want to leave. I wanna leave the house sometimes."
-"...You want to leave me?"
-Of course I expected him to take it this way. "I'm not leaving you Brahms, if I leave the house I'm certainly not leaving you. You are not the house."
-"But I'm in the house and if you leave the house I'll be alone."
-"How about we talk about this when you're ready to listen? I don't think you can even handle the idea yet--"
-He stepped over and pinned me against the counter, looking down at me with unreadable eyes. I gulp down my nervousness as I look back up at him. He wants to say something I can tell, but I can't tell exactly what it is given he won't say anything. But he definitely looks.. Frightened? By something??
-"Just try to listen to me alright?" I remain as calm as I can, my hands gently raising and placing on his biceps. "Can you do that?" He gives me a singular short nod. "Okay.. People, who leave the house, also have other people in that house right? The person who leaves the house always comes back, because that's home. But they're not leaving the person. Maybe they're alone, but they're not left. I'm not going to abandon you, you're always with me and I'm always with you."
-"But what if you don't come back?"
-"I'll come back no matter what Brahms." I reach up, cupping his face. "I'm never going to leave you."
-Brahms stares and then shakes his head. "You can't leave me alone, it's the rules."
-I sigh, my shoulders weakening as I can tell any further argument would cause him to lose his mind. "How about we put the groceries away, alright?"

-Brahms has been really quiet all day since then, not speaking a word to me, even during play time and studies. He definitely wasn't happy, that was evident enough, and I had already tried talking him back into his usual self. I guess at some point, our little safe haven had to break, whether that be from Brahms having a tantrum that would be a deal breaker, or me having this issue. To be fair I can't blame him for being scared, the last time someone left him they either ended up dead or they harmed him to get away. But things have to change, and I can't be trapped here. That's what it's beginning to feel like at least.
-It was dinner time now, and I set the plate down in front of him, and then in front of myself. He didn't move right away, just looking down at his meal, and I feel a frown come onto my face. I cross my arms over the table, my meal also going to be untouched.
-"You didn't eat much of Lunch neither." I point out. "If you're upset about something I'd rather you talk about it than act like this."
-He looks up at me for a moment before looking away, staring absentmindedly at the wall instead. His fingers began to fidget with one another, and I can tell that he just didn't know what to say, but he repeats the same thing he did before.
-"You can't leave me alone. It's the rules." He points out.
-"Yeah? Well who made those rules anyways? Was it you?"
-"Yeah."
-"Well then you're just scared Brahms. I get why you would be too, trust me. I understand. But you have to realize that.. You've gotta get comfortable with being alone every now and then."
-Brahms finally looks back at me. "No, I don't. You're staying with me."
-"I am, but sometimes I wanna leave the house Brahms."
-"That doesn't make any sense."
-"Brahms, maybe if you ever went back outside you'd know how wonderful the world is! When was the last time you went to the park? Or just, walked around and looked at pet stores to say hi to the puppies?.. Look, I wanna take you with me to these places, I do, but if you don't wanna go with me then I can't help that."
-"No, if I don't want to go then you shouldn't go either."
-"Not everything is about you Brahms. You ought to know that by now since no one knows who you are." It went silent for a moment, and I sigh outwardly. "It's not even about getting caught anymore is it? Are you just scared to go outside because you don't remember what it's like?"
-"I just don't wanna go."
-"Alright, then you won't." I look down at my food instead, not enjoying the intensity of his stare. "You can stay inside the house all day, for the rest of your life. It's not my life, after all."
-Then it went quiet. Suddenly Brahms picked up his dinner and left the room, supposedly going into the walls to avoid me. I sigh through my nose, preferring not to give him a response to it. Maybe he just needs the time alone to process things? I'll take it as that and hope for it to not be anything else.
-I eat my dinner, and time passes. When it comes to bath time, Brahms doesn't bother coming out, and he doesn't bother for bed time neither. Of course, this absence is probably his secondary option to him trying to ignore me, and to be fair I'm not really going to give him the satisfaction. If this is the tantrum he wants to throw, then it's not my problem. I'm too irritated with his lack of understanding to put up with it.
-I went to bed in my bed this time.