The Cliche One Direction Fan Fictions

Glorious

Hello, hello, hello.

It is the ranter, and this is my rant.

Well, Wattpadians, it seems as though Wattpad is getting more and more basic by the moment.

-DADDY AF

There are approximately 5 billion story based on "daddy."

Honey, the one and only "dad" you should have is your birth dad. Other than that, I'd rather have you not.

There is another topic that I just want to talk about.

-KIDNAPPING.

Okay, so I know I've talked about this earlier, but I need to kind of reinstate a few things.

If you are trapped (yeah, I'm talking to you fanfic girl) for days and days, handcuffed to a downstairs basement or something, don't you need the bathroom? Or any kind of basic hygiene cleaning?

I know he barely feeds you enough to live, but you still got to go. I'm talking both ways, sister. Let's be real for a moment, guys. I know this sounds hella disgusting, but it's true!

DEAR FANFIC GIRL,

DON'T YOU EVER NEED TO TAKE A SHIT?

SINCERELY,
ME

Like, you barely use the bathroom, you're out for days, and nothing.

Do you just have magical superpowers that allow you to live and never use the bathroom?

I'm not asking for intense details about some glorious dump you took. I'm just curious as to how you function as a normal human being.

It's not just that, also. Like anything! A simple shower? Shaving? I don't know.

Oh, and what do those kidnapped girls do when they get their periods!

Harry's not going to throw a tampon at you.

Or a pad.

So, what? You have magical powers against that, too?

This just really goes for those kidnapped fanfic girls. Like yeah, I know Harry or Liam or whoever is in the mob, and they're too busy killing people and shit to do anything for you, but you're a human being. YOU HAVE BASIC NEEDS THAT NEED TO BE ATTENDED TO. YOU CAN'T GO A MONTH WITHOUT TAKING A SHIT. THAT'S SERIOUSLY UNNATURAL.

Okay, I think that's enough for that topic.

-COLLEGE LIFE

I'm in high school, so I don't quite know how the college life works. But what I do know is that it absolutely doesn't go how it does in the fanfics.

From basic, common sense, one knows that in college, you're given a lot of assignments and essays and such. So for that reason, HOW THE HELL ARE YOU ABLE TO PARTY FROM 6:00 PM TO 6:00 AM AND STILL CONTAIN A HEALTHY EDUCATION?

These FanFiction girls literally party from dusk till dawn, and I just don't understand.

Not all fanfic girls do it. I mean, yeah, your roommate may have forced you to go. She also may have forced you to dress into a short dress. She also may have forced you to wear a bunch of makeup. It also may be -30° outside, and you may be wearing a skin-tight booty dress. You're not a vampire! You don't have the powers to stay up all night and sleep throughout the day. You can't deflect the temperature outside. IT'S MOTHER NATURE, BITCH.

I swear, these fanfic girls are supernatural.

Which leads me to my next topic:

-UNEXPECTED TURNS

I understand the matter of surprise. It's something needed in a story to keep things interesting. It keeps the readers entertained.

But here's when it goes wrong.

I was literally reading this Zayn fanfic. It was really, really good. I think I made it to like chapter 35 or something. And then this happened.

Supernaturalness made its way into the story.

It literally fricked everything up.

Like, c'mon! I was enjoying that shit, and then you turned Zayn into a wolf? Really? Like, why?

I understand if the genre of the story is "supernatural." But if it's some random fanfic, and supernaturalness has absolutely nothing to do with it, then DON'T BRING THAT SHIT IN.

Fanfic girls take it so well, too.

Bitch, did you not just see your fucking boyfriend turn into a fucking dog?

You're not freaked out the slightest?

Let's be realistic! If I saw my boyfriend turn into a freaking canine, I would haul ass. I don't care how much I love him, I would leave.

And then later in the story, she realizes she has powers.

?????

??????????

...

????????????????????

Like, what the FUCK?

That's all for today. I have a plane to catch. Hope it doesn't get hijacked by Harry Styles' gang.

Peace ✌️