The Cliche One Direction Fan Fictions

Bruh...Just Stop

Okay wattpadians...

It's girl code.

...

Just kidding. It's my rant.

And today were gonna go over some typical fanfic happenings.

1) With all the drama of the fanfictions, the girl and basically everyone around her has no time for school it seems. They sometimes take days and days off, and frankly, it's hella annoying.

But somehow, throughout all of this, this girl manages to keep her grades up. However, that is not the real problem of all this.

Somehow, in some fanfic way, the girl always knows how to freaking help Harry or whoever the boy is (mainly Harry 99.9% of the time).

When Harry (being the dumbass he always is in fanfics) gets into another fight (which he always seems to be getting into), gets hurt, the girl always knows how to magically patch him up.

Like, excuse me bitch, I know your mother who is never home is a nurse (because they always seem to be), but that doesn't mean you can turn into frikin DOCTOR OZ.

It's like, yeah, you barely go to school, and somehow you know how to fix them up all the time?

Uhhhh, nah.

I can't even cope with a paper cut!

Story 1:

Girl: (sees Harry with blood everywhere) OMG WUT HAPPENED?!?

Harry: (angrily) Nothing.

Girl: DONT TELL ME ITS NOTHING LOOK AT YOURSELF ANOTHER FIGHT HARRY REALLY?!?! (starts crying)

Harry: I'm FINE! Gosh, why do you care about me so much? NO ONE CARES ABOUT ME!!

Girl: Just let me help you. (Starts fixing knife wound) (notices more blood in floor) (sees gunshot wound) I WILL HELP YOU HARRY DONT WORRY I GOT THIS.

End of story.

Not to mention he gets all his blood on their fancy apartment floor that magically seems to pay itself because no one has a solid job that can pay for it.

Which brings me to problemo number dos.

2) HOW THE HELL DO THEY PAY RENT?

I honestly don't care that you share an apartment with Louis (because it's happened more than once)! Being a waitress doesn't pay for rent! I can guarantee you that!

Story #2:

Girl: (thinking) Wow, I just moved into England, and now I'm living with Louis. I should really pay rent. I have an idea! I can become a waitress! Yay! I'm so smart!

That was too accurate.

Honestly, if you think about it, fanfic girls aren't the sharpest tools in the box. It's like, they can't get a well-paying job because they're stupid. They can't shut up in an argument. They always put theirselves in danger. It's like, seriously, do they have a neon, 20-foot-long light a over their heads saying "DANGER! OH, DANGER! COME TO ME, DANGER! I'M STUPID!"

I've met brighter 5-year olds.

3)Explain to me how every fanfic guy has a secret place.

If I had a dime for every time there was a scene where the guy takes the girl to his "secret place," I'd be richer than frikin Bill Gates.

Literally, every fanfic:

Harry: Do you trust me?

Girl: Yes, I trust you.

Harry: Then come with me.

Girl: okay (rides in the dark night on Harry's fast motorcycle, but she's hesitant to wrap her arms around his waist)

LET'S JUST PAUSE A MOMENT.

This nasty girl has done several unspeakable things, and she's hesitant to wrap her arms around his body?

*scoffs*

Okay, hoe. Whatever suits you fancy. Let yourself die.

Sorry for the interruption. We will now continue with our (typical) story.

UNPAUSE.

Harry: (continues driving on fancy motorcycle and arrives at the destination. Oh, look. It's a waterfall.) (like, seriously. How many secret waterfalls are there?)

Girl: (hops off motorcycle fabulously) (looks around area in wonder) Wow! It's-it's beautiful.

Harry: Not as beautiful as you.

Girl: (blushes, turns red, turns into a tomato) I LOVE YOU, HARRY.

...

BRUH.

LORD, IF ONLY I HAD A DOLLAR FOR EVERY TIME THAT HAPPENED, I'D BE RICHER THAN THE DAMN UNNECESSARY KARDASHIANS.

But like really! He always takes her to some kind of secret getaway place where he always goes to clear his mind, and it just so happens to be freaking Narnia every time.

All we need is a lion and witch so we can snap that fanfic bitch in reality.

4) I think Bo is the most retarded name of all time...just had to put that out there.

5) Last, but not least, the fact that they always know how to defeat zombies when a zombie apocalypse happens.

*sighs*

*clears throat*

WHEN THE FUCK DID YOU BECOME A FUCKING WARRIOR?

Them girls be busting out moves like freaking Iggy Azalea in the Black Widow.

It's like, these are the most uncoordinated girls of all time we're talking about here.

A) They trip all the time.

B) They are clumsy.

C) Umm, oh yeah. THEY'RE FUCKING STUPID.

I guess that's just it: I can't handle fanfics anymore. It's honestly super difficult to find a well-written fanfic with a great plot and great grammar. Honestly! And don't even get me started on those damn Harry fanfics where he's a teacher or instructor.

I honestly have the urge to put a bullet through my head going through those fanfic descriptions.

I wish I had a gun.

Not really, actually. If I had a gun, I think I'd go crazy and like shoot my own foot on accident or something.

...

Something a fanfic girl would do.