Stone Heart { Daniel Ricciardo x reader }

Chapter 5

You end up really sleeping better that night and the night later. Not hearing from Daniel otherwise was making you feel confused. In a way his presence made you feel everything at once, but his absence was heavier than anything else. You couldn't help it, you wish you wouldn't feel like this, like he was becoming the world to you, the center of your universe. You were hoping not to fall in love with this bastard after all that happened, but you wouldn't control the little flame that had grown inside of you during this quiet week. Not having news of him made you wonder if he was still here, in Australia. You were too proud to ask anyone and you didn't want to play the stalker and catch up with his social media account.

However the rage and anger still hasn't left your body and you scented it building and turning into misunderstanding after that night when everything should have gone wrong between you. You realise that if you had listened to you and your tiredness, there wouldn't be any hope for you and him and especially for you. You were quite sure anymore that you wanted to move with your life and put him in the past forever. That bittersweet feeling that affected you that night, you had been craving it. You didn't want to allow yourself to believe that after all those years, no matter how much he had hurt you, Daniel was the only one you had made you feel this much alive. He was the only that had found the notice to turn down that fire in you just as much as he knew exactly how to light it up and maintain it, even feeding it to make it burn so much inside you couldn't deny that it was keeping your heart beating and your body warm.

No matter what were the origins of your feelings for him, you know they were there and never actually disappeared, you wouldn't care otherwise, you wouldn't fight yourself and it wouldn't hurt as much as it does. Your brain was refusing to say the word that was describing this amount of emotion, never truly admitting what it was to yourself. The fear of rejection was present, after all you had serious ptsd especially because of him.

You wake up from overthinking and daydream, stop writing inside your journal and start your day by drinking coffee and checking your mailbox. You were feeling a lot better physically at least, even smiling at your neighbour and exchanging quick talk as you grabbed your mail. One envelope caught your attention, it hadn't anything written on it, not even your address. If someone had dropped something in there it can only bring someone from the building or one neighbour let someone inside to put it in your mailbox. That little envelope got you so curious that you almost spilled your beverage as you climbed the stairs two by two to go back to your apartment.

You thought all the other mail to the coffee table to only focus on this one, your fingers couldn't hide their excitement and you almost ripped the piece of paper protecting the content it was holding.

A letter, it was a letter and you recognized the handwriting right away ...

Daniel.

                                                                           ❦ ❦ ❦

"January 2007,

It's been a month or two, I can't count, since I didn't ask any news of you. I'm trying not to think of you, I'm trying to focus on something else, but my nights are all the same. I'm alone and I think of you.

It's so hard to do it alone, to live alone, to eat alone, to play alone, to drive alone, to dream alone. Every night I'm thinking of going home, thinking of seeing your face, you would be smiling and everything will be normal. Italia sucks ... I don't even want to make friends here, they aren't you so what's the point. I only need you, right ? That's what we said to each other. That it was okay to be friends with people, but we will never have the same connection you and I have, right ? The weather ain't pretty here, it's raining and it's cold and I miss the reflection of the sun on your hair, and the blue sea perfectly suiting your skin in the evening. I miss sneaking out without our parents noticing so we could go to our spot. I tried to sneak out here but ended up finding my bed because he didn't make me feel anything. No excitement, no fun and no joy ... if growing up is that, I don't want it ... not without you.