The Last Train Home

Chapter Thirty-Seven

That night, I slept on the sofa and Eva took my room, although she didn't appear to know why.

Goose, who hadn't experienced much change since she had started living with us, ended up being thoroughly confused about where to sleep once I started to make myself comfortable on the sofa. In the end, she opted for sleeping on the end of my bed with Eva, although I think that was more to do with comfort than anything else. Still, at least Eva wouldn't be alone and considering what had happened, that was a good thing.

The sofa turned out to be a very uncomfortable place to sleep, not that I expected anything less. I spent the night trying to get comfortable and when I did, the cockralls started cawing outside. Even with my chores on the farm to do, I ignored the sound and buried myself deeper under the blanket. Upstairs, the sound of footsteps also broke through the silence of the early morning, informing me that Jonathan and Barbara were now awake and I wouldn't be alone downstairs.

Neither of them tried to wake me up. Both of them tiptoed downstairs and tried to be as quiet as possible. With the floorboards repaired, that was a lot easier than it had been when I first arrived.

"Should we wake her?" Barbara asked, trying to keep her voice. Little did either of them know that I never went to sleep.

"No, let's leave her for now. Sleeping on that can't be comfortable and I think we can probably get all the chores done ourselves," Jonathan whispered.

Barbara sighed. "I'm worried about her. I know she's trying to keep it together for Eva's sake, but she would have grown up with Anthony. Not to mention her father being out there too. It won't do her any good to pretend like none of it is happening."

"I don't think that's what she's doing." I heard the sound of teacups being moved. "I think she's just trying not to fear the worst. That, and she's only known us for a few months and I doubt she's going to open up that easily. She most likely talks about it with Eva so I doubt she keeps it all to herself."

"She needs to know she can trust us."

"She does, and I'm sure Sybil will open up in time, but we can't expect her to be so open after just a few months. If she knows we're here for her and we will listen, she'll come to us when she's ready. It won't do any good to force her, either."

The room fell silent once more and I fought to keep my breathing steady so they wouldn't know that I had been awake the whole time. I listened to their footsteps as the two of them left the house to complete the early morning chores and split the farmwork between them, something Jonathan and I usually did. When the front door had clicked shut, I opened my eyes and stared into the living room. The clock ticked loudly and broke the silence.

Although I knew my relationship with Barbara had changed significantly compared to when I first arrived, I didn't think she would be that serious about me not opening up to her. The conversation we had the night after my picnic with Alec did stay in my head for a few days after, but I thought nothing of it and believed she might have had more of an ulterior motive for even mentioning it. That morning, she proved me wrong.

I had always been careful of my emotions because I knew how they would be taken in a world that looked down on women and didn't see them as up to the task of most jobs. Being on the farm had helped me to prove that I could do anything a boy could do, and oftentimes more, but I still kept myself guarded. Not just because people may not take me seriously, but because I didn't want to open up emotionally to Jonathan and Barbara.

Part of me believed that if I opened up in that way, it would be like betraying my real family in favour of someone new. Mum had always been up for those sorts of conversations, especially as I had grown older and she wanted to discuss my future. When Mark and Enid had received permission from their parents to start seeing each other in a romantic way, Mum had pushed me to talk about whether there was anyone at school I liked; I didn't. If I started to have those conversations with other people, I would be leaving Mum behind.