SAFE (mxm)

Chapter 1. Breaking The Glass (David)

   (Present time)

   The limousine is flying through the night city. The lights outside are streaming in a multi-colored kaleidoscope past the windows. The loud music is booming in the vast passenger's compartment of the luxurious, black Rolls Royce Phantom, making the soft leather of the couch vibrate under my fingers. I'm clutching the edge of my seat, gazing at the opaque partition between me and the chauffeur who's driving me with the maximum allowed speed to my salvation or to my doom.

   There are plenty of my favorite drinks and snacks at the bar. Everything is arranged so that I can feel as comfortable as possible, but my heart is pounding wildly. I can't make my body relax. It's like a taut string on the verge of breaking. My stomach is twisting. My muscles hurt. I'm overwhelmed by fear, excitement and anticipation.

   What did I get myself into? It's too late to back off. I'll do it. I just hope I'll survive this.

   Adele's voice fills the space.

"Go easy on me, baby...

I had no time to choose,

What I chose to do...

You can't deny

How hard I tried..."*

   I always tend to associate myself with the protagonist of any book I read or song I listen to. It's perhaps because I don't really have my own life. The lyrics are so relatable, though. I am that someone who is leaving their old ways behind. It's hard.

   I rub my forehead and adjust a lock that has slipped out of my perfectly smoothed hair. The gesture evokes a sad smile on my face. I am sick and tired of doing one and the same things every day. Nothing ever changes. Nothing ever happens. Years passed between the glass walls of the enormous house I built to hide from the world. I sleep, cook, eat, exercise until my muscles can't take anymore, shower and work till the early hours and then I start all over again. I have created the perfect greenhouse for all my obsessions to grow and blossom. Man, I do have some!

   I shake my head to chase away all the thoughts of what was before, because it's over. I'm breaking the glass. There's no more time to wait, to hesitate, to procrastinate. I'll demolish my heaven which started to feel more like hell. Here I am, doing the craziest, the most desperate and probably the stupidest thing because I just couldn't take it a minute longer.

   If I only wasn't so full of doubts and anxiety all the time, if I could only talk to people, I would have made some friends or at least found somebody willing to fuck me. But no! Whenever someone says 'Hi' my hands start to shake, my face turns crimson and I can't produce an articulate sound. Stupid OCD! Stupid phobias! Stupid racing heart! I was sentenced to solitude by my own brain, the same one that ensured my incredible success in the world of IT. I hate being the genius no one has ever seen. I hate to be the indoor plant that is too fragile to face the sun. Sarah laughs and says that I have managed to become almost perfect. What is the point in being perfect if no one can see it? What is the point to be smart when you can't have a normal conversation? What is the point of fulfilling your dreams when they can't make you happy?

   I catch myself singing along with the music louder and louder. Sarah loves to listen to me sing. She claims that I could be a star if I wanted. She is always so eager to make me like myself, although, she knows very well that it can never happen. If my hair is cut, it has to be also perfectly styled. If I have six packs, they must become eight. If I earned a million this year, they have to become two the next one. If it's clean, it must be spotless. It's an endless, exhausting, excruciating chain of goals, each harder to reach than the previous one. I am a machine in perpetual motion, desperate to stop. I want to be human, to take a gulp of fresh air, to have a hamburger and a glass of soda, but it always ends with me throwing up in the toilet. I am a robot that wants to come to life.

   If it wasn't for Sarah, I would never leave the house, but she somehow manages to drag me out from time to time. We go to secluded small hotels on the sea shore, rented exclusively for us, or hidden restaurants with no other customers. They always receive a long list of what should be done before we arrive, dishes and drinks that can and can't be served and rules how to clean the rooms and restrain from addressing me. They do their best to be flawless and I never visit them again.

   I learned how to sing, how to play the guitar, fifteen languages and defended three master degrees in economics, IT and marketing, but never learned how to actually live.

   Maybe, I am destroying everything I have achieved so far, but I had to do this. It might turn out to be a disaster, but at least I'll experience something, at least I will feel human touch. No one will have the right to accuse me that I didn't try.

   The conventional ways do not work for me. Sarah promised me this will be fine. I hope it works.

   I chose to believe that I will be safe.

__________________________

* Lyrics from 'Easy on me' - Adele. All credits go to the authors of the song.

A/N

Hello everyone who made it through the first chapter.

Thank you for supporting my newest story.

Warning: This story will not be for the faint of heart.

Despite being a romance like my other books, it might be significantly more mature and triggering.

I do not recommend starting it if mental health issues and explicit scenes are heavy for you.

!!! 18+ !!!

With that said, I hope you like it and enjoy the rollercoaster ride.

I am curious what are your first impressions?

Share your thoughts, ask questions and criticize, if you feel like.

And don't forget to vote, if you liked the chapter.

Thank you! ❤❤❤

Love: Anny