SAFE (mxm)

Chapter 81. The Right Grooves (Ryo)

   [xxx - mature content warning]

   (Present time)

   "And what exactly is your way?" I ask, gazing into Angel's eyes. He only shakes his head and ignores the question. The golden specks in his amber irises seem to move every time he smiles, like nishikigoi* in a clear lake. No matter how long I stare, I feel like I still have not seen everything. I am yet to discover another beautiful detail of his appearance, a tiny freckle on his cheek or a cute expression I have not noticed before.

  *nishikigoi (錦鯉) - a colorful variety of carp fish, also known as koi

   There is this particularly smooth spot on the inner side of his arm, from the elbow to the armpit. I love running my fingers over it, up and down, enjoying the silky skin. The muffled sounds that sip between his lips as he tries to endure it without giggling are simply adorable. He prefers to suffer, but would never tell me to stop. I am spoiled. What did I do to deserve this gorgeous man?

   "It is terribly ticklish right here, isn't it?" I try to pull my hand away but he immediately grabs it and gives me a mischievous grin. I raise a brow. "What? Don't say you like it, 'cause there's no way I'm going to believe you."

   "But I do," he protests and kisses my fingers. "You are gentle. It's fascinating to observe how your mood changes after the climax. You become the most tender person. It is the same like that feeling when you've eaten something spicy and then take a sip of cold Coke, the relief that washes over you."

   "Oh, I see. Was I too rough?" I roll on my back and sigh in content. "I will be happy to change a little for you. You surely deserve it. Would you prefer me to be more, umm, vanilla?"

   "No, silly," he ardently objects. "How could it even occur to you that I would wish to change anything about you. Well, since you mention it, one tiny request. Don't get carried away with the hot wax next time."

   "I promise. I'll be careful with that." I smile. His infatuation is too sweet. It prevents him from seeing my flaws. I swear, there are too many of them. I am lucky to have such a generous lover. "How about you, Osuneko? After all, I am asking you to change for me. Is it bad?"

   "It's different." Angel sighs and casually shoves his hand into mine. Our fingers naturally intertwine. "Agoraphobia and emotional issues are not who I am. I need to fight them. You are not forcing me to be someone else, only trying to help me. Those who love me always pamper me and protect me out of pity. It's a pleasant change to have someone tougher than the rest, who actually believes I can survive out there. You have no mercy. Perhaps, I need it."

   "Exactly." I nod in confirmation. "I am sure you can not only survive, but also thrive in any environment. I did it. You are stronger than I was at that time. You don't need this greenhouse. We can do it together. I won't feel sorry for you for a single second. You can bet on that. After all, I have to maintain a bad boy reputation, right?"

   "Ryō, anata wa ī hitodesu (You are a good person, Ryo)," Angel says, and hurries to add, "with some questionable methods."

   My smile gets wider. I do not remember ever lying in bed with a naked man just holding hands. Although I would never admit it, thanks to him I am now a much different person than I used to be two weeks ago. I like the transition. It is awesome to breathe without being coiled like a spring and driven by desperation the entire time. I am no longer focused on searching for ways to keep my deep-seated nightmares under control. I only breathe, deeply, calmly, a free man. Angel has already helped me in more ways than he can imagine. My prison was no better than his. It may even be true that I owe him my life, if he turns out to be who I think he is.