SAFE (mxm)

Chapter 43. Déjà Vu (David)

   (Present time)

   "It's ok. Don't worry. Here. Take this." Ryo squeezes gently my shoulder and hands me a bottle of water. 

  I don't look up at him until I've rinsed my mouth at least ten times and swallowed a handful of mints. What a disgrace! I have never felt so embarrassed in my life, even when I became a laughing-stock on the first day of school twenty years ago, which has definitely been at the top of my list so far. 

   I crawl to the nearby lawn and stretch out on my back with a tortured groan. I am so drained that I do not have the strength to worry if the grass will stick to my suit or muse on the fact that this place is anything but clean. I don't give a damn who is watching either. It feels like life has been sucked out of me and nothing can make me move from here. I will just lie quietly, watching the fluffy clouds floating in the azure sky, chased by the summer breeze. A flock of gulls is circling high above me. With my luck, one of them will probably poop on me. You can always hit a new low. The opportunities are unlimited. The thought makes me giggle.

   "What's so funny?" Ryo mumbles, sitting next to me. He puts his hand under my nape and pulls me closer. "Lean your head on my lap. I know how you hate your hair to get messy. It's also teeming with ants."

   "It's too late." I roll to the side and press my cheek to his thigh, inhaling deeply his fresh, exotic perfume. His muscles tense as he adjusts to make me more comfortable. I add bitterly, "Don't you think that in the history of dating, this must be the most disastrous one? What could be worse? Now you know first hand how bad things are. I'm so sorry I couldn't live up to your expectations. I disappointed you, but most of all myself. It's obvious that I'm not capable of..."

   "Shh!" Ryo's warm fingers rest on my lips, stopping them from moving. "I am proud of you, Angel san. Your friend was right to be angry with me, but she was wrong to assume I didn't know what you were going through. She probably thinks that I am the one who should be apologizing. Well, I am not sorry. Next time will be much better. I promise you."

   "Next time?" I rise, leaning on my elbow and glance at him in horror. "I'm certainly not doing this again, Ryo. There is absolutely no way you can make me leave home once I get there."

   "We'll see about that," he says softly, stroking my cheek. "You're exhausted and frighteningly pale. Enough for today. Let's go. Is the invitation to visit your house still valid?"

   I only nod because I have suddenly lost my ability to speak. I am finally calm enough to really look at Ryo and the sight leaves me breathless. He is not the intimidating man I remember from the night we spent together. His skin is smooth and flawless, glowing in the bright sun. His eyes are sparkling and tender, full of astonishment, admiration and laughter, but also sad. He is so young, probably younger than me. The wind is waving his hair and he buries his fingers in the untamed strands to brush them away from his face, smiling at me.

   My heart skips a beat. There is something too familiar in his gesture. It feels as if I've seen this same look in these same deep, dark, beautiful eyes. it's like I am experiencing déjà vu. The more I stare at his face, the more it seems I've known him forever and have been missing him my whole life. The barely perceptible smile, the way his eyelashes are casting shadows over his high cheekbones while flattering to hide the vivid emotions in his gaze...

   "Otokomae?" Ryo strokes my cheek again. "Is there something wrong? You look confused."

   "I... for a brief moment I thought... never mind," I shake my head. "My brain is playing tricks on me as usual. I have difficulties to distinguish dreams from reality lately. Too much excitement, I guess. Can we go now, please?"