[trigger warning - anxiety attack description]
(nineteen years ago)
I am frozen in the door frame. The toes of my perfectly polished, snow white sneakers are glued behind the inner line of the doorstep. I am gripping the jamb so hard that my knuckles are white and my fingers are hurting. The trickles of sweat are sliding down my back. The onset of nausea makes my breathing rapid and shallow. My heart is pounding. Every beat is pulsating in my years. I am counting them frantically. My vision is blurred. Every attempt to focus on the pathway, leading through the garden, to the gate and out on the street, fails. Fear erased everything rational from my mind, leaving only the petrifying feeling that something bad would happen the second I stepped out and one persistent thought, 'he won't be there'. I do not understand who I am looking for, but I know that it will break my heart again when I don't find him.
"Davy, what are you doing?" Sarah turns to face me, standing among the vibrant, red rose bushes. She adjusts the pleats of her elegant, navy blue dress and raises a brow at me. "Why did you stop? Come on! We're gonna be late if you keep dragging your feet."
I am gazing at her, shaking my head in protest, barely distinguishing her words through the loud ringing in my ears. I can't move an inch or take a breath. Black spots start floating in front of my eyes due to the luck of enough oxygen.
"Honestly, Davy!" Sarah's voice shows more annoyance than concern, while her quick steps are approaching.
Her arms firmly wrap around me. I sigh in relief and close my eyes. The level of anxiety rapidly drops the moment I relax in her embrace, leaning my head on her shoulder. She pushes me inside, forcing me to move backwards to the sitting room until my calves touch the edge of the sofa. I flop heavily among the cushions and finally take a big gulp of air. The noise in my head slowly subsides. I raise my eyelids only to see her with hands on the hips and a frown on her face, right in front of me. The soul wrenching dread is instantly replaced by guilt.
"Why?" she grumbles.
"I don't know," I mutter. "I didn't do it on purpose. Remember what happened on the first school day? And then on the second too... and the third... "
"School is over," she pouts. "You promised to take me to the movies for my birthday. Wasn't it enough that you left me to deal with those bullies on my own all year long? Do you know what George said when you stopped attending classes? He told everyone that I probably ate you and you deserved it for being Godzilla's boyfriend." Tears spring out in her eyes.
"I am sorry, Boo-Boo," I reach out and squeeze her hand. "Please, don't cry. I wanted to do it. I swear. Besides, you know he's just a jealous idiot, right?"
"We are playing in the garden and around the pool every day," she sobs. "Why couldn't you even walk out of the door today?"
"I don't know," I repeat. It's the truth. I would do anything to change this, if I only knew how. "Maybe, because I was aware I had to go to town this time."
Sarah stomps her foot in anger and points her finger at me. "I am not letting you stay at home forever. I hate studying, but I will get into college and read around the clock. I'll learn everything about... about... psychology and I will heal you. You'll see. I'll make you pay me a fortune too, cause shrinks are super rich, so you better start thinking of ways to make lots of money."
She sits next to me, wiping away her tears and throws an arm around my shoulders. "Therapy starts now. I read about this online. Positive incentive."
"What is the incentive?" I faintly smile.
"Would you come with me to the cinema, if I promise you that David Bowie will wait for us there to take you on a date?" she grins.
"No, silly," I giggle, "because this can't happen. He lives in London and has a wife. You can't make him come to see me. Mom and dad won't allow it either. I am only eleven."
We both start to cackle and tickle each other.
"Heyyy, what are you still doing inside?" Sarah's mother appears at the door. "I thought this birthday girl wanted to watch Finding Nemo. I've been waiting in the car for twenty minutes. I'm afraid there is no way that we get there on time now."
"Change of plan," Sarah beams, pulling me by the hand to stand up. "We prefer the pool party to start right away."
"Why am I not surprised," Diana rolls her eyes and smiles widely. "You two always come up with something unexpected. Fine! The other children will be here in few hours. What would you like to do until then?"
"Can we inflate the big, pink, floating castle?" Sarah bounces on her feet enthusiastically. "I have a private conversation with Davy, so we will talk in it."
"Ohh, I see," Diana chuckles. "Of course, sweetheart. May I ask what is this secret discussion about?"
"It's about Davy's perfect date and his massive crush on..." my best friend starts.
"Shut up," I shout and try to cover her mouth with a hand.
"Make me!" she laughs out and darts outside, screaming, "Davy likes someoooone. This someone is..."
I rush after her, yelling, "Sarah, shut it! I like no one. You are no shrink. Have you herd of client confidentiality?"
"Children, careful!" Dad scolds us when we run past him, mom and Sarah's dad, almost knocking down the smoking barbecue.
"I won't tell, but only if you jump in the water with all your clothes on," she keeps giggling while we are chasing around the garden.
"No!" I state, cornering her near the pool. "I'll make you jump with all your clothes on because you are a snitch."
We both end, splashing in the water, laughing our heads off, while our dads are approaching, carrying an enormous inflatable castle on their shoulders.
________________________________
A/N
Hello everyone at the end of chapter 31.
Thank you for reading and supporting! ❤❤❤
A little more insight into David and Sarah's friendship and his struggles as a child.
Do you think the reason David still can't leave his house is because that mysterious 'he' won't be there?
Do you think he will finally remember who is he looking for?
Share your thoughts, ask questions and criticize, if you feel like.
And don't forget to vote, if you liked the chapter.
Thank you!
Love: Anny
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General FictionA handsome man, obsessed with computers, workout and books, clever, well known for his professional expertise, rich and impressive. David is all of that on his thirtieth birthday, but there's one more tiny detail. No one knows this except his best f...
