SAFE (mxm)

Chapter 28. An Oil painting (David)

   [Trigger warning - heavy scenes and anxiety attack description]

   (Present time)

   The bright sun rays tickle my eyelids. I keep them closed and smile at the glimmering bubbles of light, floating in my sleepy mind. I am tired, warm and so happy. It must be noon, but I am not ready to face the reality yet. We can spend the day here, hidden from the world, letting it spin around its axis without us for some more time. Why not stay lost in heaven until we can?

   My palm slides over the wrinkled sheets, searching for my lover's smooth skin. I woke up several times before the exhaustion finally drowned me into a deep, regenerating sleep. He was always right there, next to me, holding me close, whispering soothing words in my ear, kissing my shoulder and repeating again and again how special I was. I grin wider, remembering the cute way he pronounces every word with his strong Japanese accent and the way his voice changes to gentle whisper every time he calls me Otokomae. Ryo, my stunning lover. We are a perfect match. I should apologize to Lea for doubting her. 

   My nose wrinkles in annoyance when my exploring hand finds no one in bed. He must have gone to the bathroom. I strain my ears to hear running water or some noise from the kitchen, but it is completely quiet. A surge of worry rushes through my body, making my stomach shrink. 

   No, he is here. Why would he slip away without uttering a word? I know he said he didn't usually go for a second date, but things changed for both of us. I can't be mistaken. Even if I am, he is not the kind of person to tiptoe through the door without looking back after such a night. I am just freaking out. Ryo will be back any moment. He probably went out for a walk. He is not supposed to just sit and watch me snoring. Yes, that must be it. I will simply relax and stop being so pathetic. 

   I turn on my stomach and bury my head under the pillow. Everything smells like him. I take a deep breath and try to lie still. The silence is deafening. There is not a single sound. Minutes are passing painfully slowly, turning into an hour. 

   My heart is pounding wildly, but I am still trying to be reasonable and calm myself down. Ryo was sincere the entire time. He never claimed this to be more than a one night stand and actually let me make the choice. That was what I myself asked of him. It is not his fault that I am inexperienced and unable to control my emotions. Passion does not mean love. I can not blame him for my wishful thinking. Whatever it was, it is obviously over. I need to brace myself, get dressed and go home as quick as possible. 

   I finally sit up and open my eyes reluctantly. The blinding sunlight, coming from the wide open window hits me mercilessly. Everything around me suddenly looks unfamiliar and hostile, the messy room, the cream walls, the burgundy curtains and an oil painting of a boat in the see on the opposite wall which I haven't even noticed. I throw myself to the night stand and open the drawer abruptly against my better judgement. It is empty. There are no handcuffs, no rope, no toys. Nothing. Completely empty. 

   I look around frantically, searching for any other trace of his presence. There are none. Only my clothes are sorted neatly on a nearby chair. They are crumpled, although, it is visible that someone has folded them carefully. I can't put them on, too untidy, too imperfect.

   My breath hitches in my throat. The weight in my chest is becoming unbearable. My hands are shaking. I feel the first signs of the panic attack, but can do nothing to stop it.

   I am not safe anymore.

   My brain urges me to get out of bed. I try, but immediately slide to the floor, unable to stand on my trembling legs. My hair is tousled. My skin feels sticky and sweaty. My vision gets blurry at the thought that I am not clean enough. I desperately need to take a shower, but my stiff muscles won't move. It is getting harder to take a breath.

   "Bakaaaaa Yaroo! (You idiot!)" A sudden scream makes my heart jump. An explosion is heard in the distance. Goosebumps raise all over my body at the petrifying, primal fear that instantly overwhelms me. I am cold, so cold that I begin to shiver. Even my teeth are chattering. The voice keeps yelling, "Nanisama no tsumori? Anata wa jibun o dareda to omotte iru nodesu ka! (What are you doing? Who do you think you are!)"

   I do not understand the words at first. All I see is that he is mad at me. I made him angry, but I did not want to. I did not mean to startle him. His face is too beautiful to be distorted by rage this way. It all unexpectedly makes sense, because I somehow know now. I have learned his language.

   "Wait," I whisper. "Please, stop. You are too close to the..." 

   Another explosion makes us both shudder. He does not understand me and keeps stepping back to get away from me. If I only knew what he was saying back then. If I could only tell him that I wouldn't do it again and persuade him to take my hand before it was too late..."

   "Sir, are you there?" A female voice takes me out of the stupor. I look around. There is no one. I am still sitting on the floor, near the bed, in the empty bedroom. There are no explosions, no screams in an unknown language, nothing. It is quiet again. Did I imagine it all? What is happening? 

   I am afraid to look up because I know that my gaze will fall on that painting. The thought terrifies me for some reason. I crawl on all fours to the nearest corner and curl up into a fetal position. It is almost impossible to breathe. I hide my head between my knees and start counting slowly. If I reach three hundred, everything will be fine. 

   The female voice comes from behind the half open door again. "Sir, are you ok? I am so sorry to bother you, but it is really late and you didn't call me. I just wanted to make sure you were alright. Can I be of service in any way?"

   Am I imagining this too? I have no idea what is real anymore. Maybe, my extreme anxiety has finally turned into pure madness.

   "Sir," the woman doesn't give up. Such persistence cannot be imaginary. My scared witless mind finally recognizes my chauffeur's voice. "Please, Sir. Can I call someone who can assist you? Shall I contact Lea? You need someone to help you. She would know what to do."

   "Sarah," I barely rasp. My dry throat hurts, but I make another effort. "Tell her to call Sarah."

   "Right away, Sir," the girl readily responds. "Can I come in?"

   "No," I shout, but immediately soften. She is just trying to be useful and does not deserve rudeness. "I am s-sorry! Leave me a-alone. Just Sarah..."

   "Yes," she firmly answers. I hear her receding steps. Her muffled voice is talking insistently to someone on the phone. I close my eyes and focus on counting, praying for the vision of the boy, screaming at me, never to return.

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A/N

Hello everyone at the end of chapter 28.

Thank you for reading and supporting! ❤❤❤

Do you think Ryo disappeared without a trace? 

What was David's vision in your opinion, a reaction to the stress or a memory?

What do you think provoked it?

Share your thoughts, ask questions and criticize, if you feel like.

And don't forget to vote, if you liked the chapter.

Thank you!

Love: Anny