SAFE (mxm)

Chapter 41. Weak at The Knees (David)

   [Trigger warning - extreme anxiety description]

   (Present time)

   "Am I too formal?" I mumble, gazing at my reflection in the mirror. The navy, three-piece, Valentino suit is glued to my body like a second skin. I must admit that I have a thing about ultra slim-fit clothes. I just like the way I look in them. It is not bragging when no one else can see you, right?

   "You are absolutely gorgeous," Sarah states. She never says anything but praise. I could use some constructive criticism. The horseshoe waistcoat surely makes me look like someone getting ready for their prom, or rather like a groom. 

   "I don't want him to think I'm showing off my money," I frown. 

   "He won't," she grins. "You look quite humble, compared to when you wear those tailor-made suits that cost as much as a small car. He has already seen you in one of them... hmm... also without one of them, ya know. I don't think he's interested in money or fashion. I think he just wants your hot, naked self... in handcuffs."

   "I think you better shut it and I try another suit," I sigh and start taking off my jacket.

   "No way," Sarah clicks her tongue and grabs me by the lapels. "This is the tenth one. Enough! You're going to be late. Ryo will get weak at the knees when he sees you no matter what you wear."

   I reach for the small bottle of 'V by Valentino' cologne on the dressing table.

   "No more," she shakes her head. "You don't want him to start sneezing when you get closer, do you? David, are you trying to postpone going out?"

   "Yes," I confess. "I'm scared shitless. I don't like it when I am not clean-shaven either. Why am I listening to you at all? You're a bad influence. I feel all the muffins you made me eat have become a ball of clay in my stomach and I look like a private escort."

   "My poor baby," she cackles. "Go get your man and stop whining."

   I glance desperately at the spherical cactus on the coffee table, as if the plant is going to help me.

   "Anthony, you stay out of this," Sarah snorts and pushes me towards the hallway. "Do you have mints in your pocket?"

   I nod and start taking deep breaths, exhaling slowly. The closer I get to the front door, the more I worry. My anxiety increases by the second. I already hear the familiar buzzing in my ears. My heart is pounding.

   "Go ahead and see if there are many people on the sidewalk," I rasp and freeze in the open door frame, gripping the side jambs.

   "No," Sarah firmly answers. "It doesn't matter. Not relevant. You'll do this anyway. Don't look around too much. Focus on your feet. Just walk straight ahead, watch them move one after the other and count the steps. Don't forget that I am right behind you. I won't let anything bad happen to you. Imagine it's only me and you. There's no one else. Come on!"

   I do exactly as she says, shutting myself away from the world around me. It helps and I somehow cross the porch and the vast front garden and reach the high, iron gates, leading out to the street. The roar of car engines and the distant chatter of the crowd make my stomach shrink. 

   I press my forehead to the cold, metal rods. The lump in my throat is suffocating me. This is not going to happen. Both Ryo and Sarah overestimate me. I can't fight the fear.

   "David, do you remember how it all started? What were you afraid of in the beginning, when the panic attacks were unlocked?" Sarah squeezes my shoulder. "You kept repeating one phrase over and over again when your parents asked you why you wouldn't leave the house. You always answered that you were scared because..."

   "... he wouldn't be there," I whisper.

   "Well, this is not the case now," she says. "He will be right there, waiting for you. Do you understand me? You found someone who will be exactly where you expect. You have no reason to be scared this time. Open the gates."

   Sarah is right. The realization instantly makes it easier to breathe. I have no idea who I was searching for as a child. I don't know if the boy from my vague memories is real and where he is now. But there is one thing I know for sure. Ryo will be waiting. He said he always kept his promises. I believe him and I will not be the one who breaks mine.

   I slowly count to ten, open the gates and pop out on the pavement. Someone passes by, but I pin my gaze on the welt stitching of my shiny, cap-toe Oxford shoes and take a step. One. Nine hundred and ninety-nine more and I will be with him.

   I am striding determinedly, as close to the buildings as I can and as far away from the people as possible. My pulse is crazy. My vision is blurred. I am not safe. It feels like drowning. I'm getting nauseous, more and more with each passing second, but I put a mint in my mouth and keep moving on autopilot.

   "You're almost there, Davy," I hear Sarah's voice. "I can see him. God, he's handsome. You lucky boy. He's waving to you."

   I raise my eyes and see Ryo, right in front of me, on the other side of the road. The breeze is playing with his raven hair. He is smiling, squinting at the bright sun, looking so different, much younger than in the dim night lights, stunning against the background of the beautiful, white marble, spouting fountain. I made it. I am almost there. Just a few more feet and I can touch him. I rush across the street without taking my eyes off him. 

   He suddenly runs towards me, screaming, "Angel, stop! What the fuck are you doing?"

   His voice is silenced by the deafening screech of car breaks.

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A/N

Hello everyone at the end of chapter 41.

Thank you for reading and supporting! ❤❤❤

Sorry for the cliffhanger. 🙈

I just couldn't resist, but next chapter is coming soon.

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Share your thoughts, ask questions and criticize, if you feel like.

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Thank you!

Love: Anny