SAFE (mxm)

Chapter 17. 信頼* (David)

   *Shinrai - trust, reliance, confidence

   (Present time)

   Ryo's fingers trace my nape and follow the curve of my shoulder, finally resting on the small of my back.

   "I like your Apollo dimples," he mumbles. "You work out a lot, don't you?"

   "What are those? I've never heard of Apollo dimples." I peek at his face. He is lying motionlessly with his eyes closed. A soft smile is curling up the corners of his perfect mouth. I use the opportunity to explore carefully his features. He is so handsome that it is almost hard to believe, dark, flawlessly shaped brows, high cheekbones and full, seductive lips with a prominent Cupid's bow on the upper one. I blush at my shameless ogling and quickly add, "I train two hours a day."

   "That's too much, if you don't eat properly," he shakes his head. His hand moves lower, caressing the two indentations, right above my butt cleft. "Here, these dimples."

   I gasp at the warm sensation, evoked by his gesture. The feeling of his firm body under mine is the best ever. I would never move from here, if it was possible.

   "See?" he chuckles. "I told you. You are a big cat. I bet you'd love it if I scratched you behind the ears. Come on, kitty cat, let's feed you."

    "Oh, no, no, no," I protest worriedly. Ryo immediately opens his eyes and cocks a brow questioningly. I try to explain, "I am not disobeying. It's just... I... I never eat out of my house. I mean, I can't. I am not able to... I have rules about food and..." 

   My breathing quickens. I start to adjust nervously my tousled hair, realizing that nothing in my appearance is as it should be anymore. The panic is rising. I suddenly feel the need to jump up, run into the bathroom and ruthlessly scrub my skin. 

   I move to get up, but Ryo wraps his arms around me and presses his lips to my ear. 

   "Ochitsuite, ōkina neko (Calm down, big cat!)," he whispers. "Daijohbu da yo. (Everything is ok.)"  He starts placing gentle kisses on the side of my neck. "You don't have to obey me when we are not having sex, Angel. It's ok if you refuse, even if we do. This is a game. It's fun only when we both are willing to play."

   "It's not because of this," I mutter, clinging to him like a helpless child. "I like the game. You just have no idea how messed up I am."

   "Oh, I do," he laughs lightly. "Trust me, I do. Will you let me keep leading you? I can handle this. You only have to relax and let me be in control all the time."

   "Don't ask me to eat," I insist. "It might get really ugly. I will probably throw up. I need to know where every ingredient comes from. I also have intolerance to..."

   "Shh," Ryo puts his palm on my mouth to stop my rambling and says in a commanding voice, focusing his dark eyes on mine. "Take a breath and do as I say. Watashi o shinjite! (Trust me!)"

   I stare at him, hesitant what to do. The panic has subsided, but I know what can happen if it overwhelms me again. I have put Sarah in terrible situations. She had to call 911 the first time I agreed to stay with her in a hotel. Things may get as bad as fainting, suffocation and seizures. Anxiety attacks are scary. I am sure he has never seen as severe as mine.

   "Come with me," Ryo orders, giving me no more time to contemplate.  

   He pulls me by the hand and leads me to the adjacent bathroom. It is spacious and cozy, designed in earthly colors like the rest of this place. Big scented candles are scattered on the ledge of the huge, vintage bathtub. Subtle vanilla scent is lingering in the air. The light is dim. It comforts me.

   "Get in," Ryo pushes me lightly towards the tub and adjusts the water. I settle inside and wrap my arms around my knees, taking deep breaths. He lights the candles and sits behind me. I feel his palms, sliding slowly up and down my back. "Do you know what shinrai is?" he asks.

   "It means trust," I answer, "to rely on somebody."

   "Yes, Angel," his arms snake around my waist, making me lean back on his chest. "That's what I want from you. Can you give in and do me the honor to rely on me completely while we are together?"

   The hot water relaxes my strained muscles. The twilight soothes my uneasiness. I sigh contentedly at his closeness. It feels so natural. There is something about him. I can't put my finger on it, but his presence is like a cure for everything that tortured my mind before I met him.

   "Yes, I can," I finally whisper and turn my head to look at him. "Watashi wa zetsudainaru shinrai o oite kita. (I put all my trust in you.)"

   "Arigatō (Thank you)," he smiles and presses his lips to mine.

__________________________

Photo by cottonbro from Pexels

A/N

Hello everyone at the end of chapter 17.

Thank you for reading and supporting! ❤❤❤

Ryo seems to know how to cope with every difficult situation David's anxiety creates.

Why do you think he is so good at that? 

Share your thoughts, ask questions and criticize, if you feel like.

And don't forget to vote, if you liked the chapter.

Thank you!

Love: Anny