What could have been.

- Chapter 37 -

“What-W-why? Why are you asking me about him?” 

There’s a pause before he replies where Cole takes another step back, away from me. “Sienna, just answer the question.” 

Releasing a sigh, I confess. “He’s my ex-boyfriend.”

Cole doesn’t respond with words but his saddened facial features let me know how he feels.
  
How does he know Joseph’s name? Has Joseph tried to contact him?

Surely not.

This makes no sense.
 
I haven’t told anyone about Joseph contacting me. Cole couldn't have found out about it through someone else.

Did he hear a rumour? Has someone told him about Joseph and me? Have they told him what happened last year? 

My chest begins to tighten. My breathing hitches. He knows.

No, he can’t. I don’t want him to know. I’m not ready for him to know.

“Who told you?” 

“Who told me what?” Cole replies bluntly.

Now, I’m the one creating a space between us, stepping further away from him. My back finds the exit door. I’ve found my escape. If I need to, I’ll push the door open and run. Petty, I know. I didn’t plan on having this conversation so soon with him. I’m still in whatever honeymoon phase of dating we're in. 

“Everything ok?” Standing at the top of the stairs, Jocelyn's eyes flicker between Cole and me. I try to nod, to convince her that all is ok.

Without hesitation, Jocelyn rushes over to me. “You’re not ok, what’s up? Did something happen between the two of you?” She asks me in a quiet voice. I shake my head in response. Unsatisfied Jocelyn turns her head around and I peek past her to look at Cole but he's gone. Of course, he's gone. He always leaves. This time I don’t blame him.

“He knows.” My voice that I hoped would come out calm enough to not alert Jocelyn to how upset I am betrays me and cracks. The sting in my eyes doesn’t help my case when I try to assure her that I’m ok. Neither does the tears, that make their way down my cheeks, leaving a burning sensation against my already hot skin. 

This was my secret to tell him and I wasn’t ready. Now Cole is probably freaked out. I wouldn’t be surprised if he doesn’t want to see me again. 

Jocelyn pulls me into a hug, whispering into my hair, she asks me if I want to leave. 

Usually, I’d answer yes to leaving. I’d jump on the opportunity to lay in bed and wallow in my hurt. Then, after all the wallowing I’d get up and feel more hurt so I guess I don’t want to feel anymore hurt. Even if it’s for a small moment. 

Perhaps, the rest of the night can be my distraction. My pause button to all my drama I’m not prepared to face. 

Jocelyn leads me back upstairs where a new band has begun to play. 

Liam's eyes widen when he walks over to us, leaving Jonah at the bar. When he reaches us, he opens his mouth as if about to say something then slams it shut and smiles taking mine and Jocelyn's hand again to dance.
 
Knowing Jocelyn well enough, she probably gave him a signal to not say anything. Him being completely at her mercy must register that right now I don’t want to talk, I’d much rather dance.

During the band's performance, I catch glances of Jonah that has remained standing at the bar. I don’t know whether I’m being slightly paranoid but he seems to be looking over at us, a lot. It could be that he's not much of a dancer like his brother or Cole and prefers to watch.