What could have been.

- Chapter 39 -

If there were in an image used best to describe ‘minimal’ it would be of Cole’s room. No pictures’ or decretive anything...just grey walls, a double bed, a single chair and a wardrobe. I’d half expected his room to be slightly messy considering the mess in his living room but not even an out of place sock insight. 

He led me to his bedroom then returned to the hall, probably to speak to Jonah. He closed the door behind him so I can’t hear what it is he might be saying. If I were in his situation, it would probably be me asking Jocelyn and Eden to not disturb or try not to listen in. I hope that's what he's doing. I’ll be telling Cole everything and I’d like to hope it’ll only be his ears listening to what I have to say. 

Waiting for him, sat on the edge of his bed, I take in the only image on his wall. In a small probably 5x4 wooden frame is a family of three, who I assume is Cole and his parents. They’re sat with a picnic, on a patch of grass beside a lake. Cole can’t be any older than nine in the photo. His dad's eyes are mostly hidden away by the navy cap he's wearing but his smile curves the same as Coles, especially in this photo. Whereas, he has his mother's eyes. She’s beautiful. Long dark brown hair, bright blue eyes and smile. 

Cole doesn’t mention his mum a lot. From what he has said, I know his parent’s separated when he was twelve. His mum is remarried living in San Francisco but I don’t think he sees her often, or at all. He’s closer to his dad who he stayed with after his parent's separation. Maybe that’s why. 

I stand, walking over to get a better look at the photo, the more I look at it the more my mind tells that his mum looks familiar. Have I met her before? 

The door rattling startles me enough for me to take a few steps back, stopping when the back of my legs reaches the foot of the bed. 

“Sorry for showing up unannounced.” I rush out.

Cole lingers by the door for a few seconds wearing a downcast look on his face. He walks past me; his grey sweat pants hang low on his hips. Every time he lifts his arms to clasp his fingers together at the back of his neck, his white graphic t-shirt rises to expose his skin. 

Pacing the length of the bed a few times, Cole eventually sits on his bed, on the other side to where I’m sitting with his back to me.

I want to ask how he's been? But, with our back to each other, with his facial expression now hidden away, it’ll be the perfect time to confess. It will make the blow of his anticipated reaction hurt hopefully a little less.

I blurt out, “You read my text.” More so as a statement. Or, an opener to what comes next. 

“I told you I’d tell you in person why I wanted to see Joseph.” I take in a deep breath. “Please bear with me. I’ll tell you everything but I might pause. I-I just need a moment to-” Swallowing hard, I force down my nerves. “-collect myself.” 

First pause...

I take in a deeper breath, exhaling through my nose. My stomach has already started to turn in fear. I feel like I’m going to be sick. 

“The truth is last school year I was drugged and... I-I erm well I ended up in hospital. I was at the frat house where Joseph lived-” A sting in my eyes causes me to keep them shut for the remainder of the sentence. “- hanging out with a small group of people as a last little get together before I focused on college. I had mentioned I partied quite a bit last year...Well, it got to the point where I was on my final warning before getting kicked out.” 

Second pause...

Opening my eyes. The tears sitting hot and heavy on my waterline, I use the sleeve of my coat to wipe them away. It’s too soon to cry. 
I feel the bed shift as he rises to his feet.