What could have been.

- Chapter 41 -

“You baked me your peanut butter dark chocolate chip cookies!” Always a mouth full to say but always worth saying in excitement to thank my mum for making my favourite baked goods in the entire world. I pull my mum into what I think is our fifth hug since meeting up with my family outside a diner by their hotel. 

We haven’t even made it inside; I can’t stop thanking them for coming down to visit. I don’t think I could describe how much I’ve missed them. 

My brother has gotten taller and his hair is longer. It suits him, he has my mum’s curls whereas I inherited my dad’s thick hair with my own mix of frizz with it.

“Darling.” Stroking my cheek, my mum smiles as she continues. “Let’s head inside.” I nod. I pull my mum then usher my dad and brother into another hug before heading in.

I’ve missed them so much. 

“I’m so proud of you. I’m sorry I wasn't there.” 

“It’s ok. You've seen me perform a hundred times.” Tristan smiles up at me. He performed at his high school's talent show and won. Not that I’m surprised, he’s the most talented person I know. My dad sent me the video of his performance; he sang Blood bank by Bon Iver with his guitar. 

We’ve spent an hour after finishing our food talking, catching up on everything possible. Even neighbourly gossip. I want to hear it all. Every last thing. A part of the reason is it's an avoidance tactic. I've been on the verge of tears since seeing them. I don’t want to talk about me, I never do. It’s part of the problem but there’s nothing much to say without tears so I'll stir the conversation as much as I can.

I miss home.

It’s been nice not thinking of here, San Francisco. The last few months it hasn’t really felt like home to me the same way it did at the beginning of summer. 

I turn my phone over when it buzzes on the table. 

Cole: Hey. I know you're with your parents but are you free tomorrow evening...even if it’s late? 

I start to type out that I am but it won’t be until the evening as I have dinner reservations with my family tomorrow night but stop to read his next text. 

Cole: I checked with Jocelyn, your apartment is empty and I have a surprise for you. 

A surprise? 

I glance up from my phone before replying because my family's conversation has stopped. I'm met with all their eyes on me, smiling, staring...I'm confused. 

Maybe they realised I zoned out. “Sorry. What were you saying.” Directing my words at my dad as I’m pretty sure he was the last person to speak. 

Tristan is sitting beside me in the booth. He's the first to break eye contact with me, leaning off his elbows and relaxing back, sharing a look with my parents opposite us. 

My eyes widen and my eyebrows rise so high I’m pretty sure they meet my hairline. “What?” 

“Who is he?” My mum asks. 

I try to be coy. “Who is who?” 

“What are you an owl.” My brother chimes in and I elbow his side. 

My phone buzzes. I want to pick it up. I want to read what it could be but most of all I want to reply to Cole's text. They’re all still staring at me. I wasn’t planning on bringing Cole up, it's still new. 

My mum raises a brow and smirks, looking down at my phone and back up at me. She’s teasing me, I know it. 

“You should reply. Then you can try and convince us you're not talking to someone.” My dad pushes my phone toward me with two fingers then turns to my mum and says. “We should probably fake a conversation so she’ll feel comfortable enough to send the poor guy a text back without feeling defeat.” 

Here’s the thing about my family dynamic. I’m pretty sure my mum has the power to read minds because she can always tell what we’re thinking or feeling. My dad thinks he’s a comedian. And, my brother is a combination of the two. But he doesn’t tend to communicate to me what he thinks I'm thinking through words but rather by his own facial expression. In conclusion, I can’t hide a single thing from them and I'm also met with sarcastic commentary from my dad.  

I sit still while my family start discussing random topics, all smirking and avoiding my direction as they do so. 

“Apparently more people get bitten by New Yorkers than sharks.” My brother says, playing with the straw from his Chocolate milkshake. 

“Maybe we won’t add New York to our list of places to visit.” My mum replies. 

I roll my eyes and pick up my phone. 

I read another text from Cole. 

Cole: I think I worded that wrong. I’m making dinner. Would do my place but Jeffery has someone over so is it ok if we do yours? 

Me: Sounds great. I’ll be home around 9ish if that’s ok? 

Cole: Perfect. See you then. 

I put my phone on silent and into my bag.

“I’d rather swim with sharks than be face to face with a lion.” My dad argues. 

“No way. I’d rather go against a lion than a shark.” 

“Son.” My dad reaches for Tristan's hand. “I know we support you with everything and believe you could do anything but you have absolutely no chance. You’d die within minutes. Seconds. But I still love you and think you’re the best son.” 

I throw my hands up. “Ok. Enough.”

“Oh, thank God. I couldn’t bear bruising your brother's ego anymore.” My dad winks. 

“Too late.” Tristan huffs out. 

“So...” My mum smiles, pressing me with her eyes to tell her, everything. 

“So?” I shrug. My purpose or family role is to make them work for what they want to hear. 

“Darling, do they really need to start a silly debate again.”

“Because we will.” My dad adds. 

I cross my arms. “It's not been long. Yes, I like him. No, I won’t tell you anything about him. Yes, he texted me. I will be having dinner-” I pause. I’m having dinner with him after dinner with my parents. Didn’t piece that together before agreeing. Oh well. “-Dinner after our dinner. Yes, that makes no sense but I can’t wait. No, he doesn’t go to my college.” I look over to each of them, make eye contact, nod, then move on to the next one. “That is all.” 

“I like him.” My mum replies. 

My stern facade fades. “You do?” 

The waitress comes over and hands us the bill. My dad reaches for his wallet. “Me too.” He adds. 

I look at Tristan and he nods. 

My dad pays the bill and we all get up to leave. Tristan and my dad walk ahead. My mum threads her arms through mine, pulling me close to her side. “I haven't seen that beautiful smile of yours for a while.” 

“That’s not true.” Surely, that’s not true. I’ve been fine and I’ve smiled. I’ve laughed and I-

“A genuine one, Darling.” My mother clarifies.