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Chapter 35: Chaotic Gargoyle Tommy Shit

Ayo, new lore + manhunts dropped during the writing of this, so sorry if we seem a little distracted today 😅

It's because Fire's writing new plot lines that I'm totally  not  going to spoil secretly to yáll 👀

God, don't you dare-

You flipped open another chest, scanning the contents inside. "Ayo, I thought you were fucking joking about going through our chests," Wilbur complained behind you, picking up random objects.

"Darling, I never joke about stealing things," you told him over your shoulder, tossing out a few repeaters, a multitude of buttons, and a clock behind you. There was a scratching of shoes on stone as Wilbur lunged and stretched in ways the human body was not meant to stretch as he tried to keep the bits from shattering on the ravine floor.

"Shadow, stop throwing things," he complained, shoving past you and replacing the items in the chest. He was wearing the coat Niki had given him, but it was a little too big and made him look like some supervillain.

"NEVER!" You cried, slamming the oak chest closed and sprinting towards the birch one across the cave. Wilbur made an annoyed noise, but you saw him smiling as he took of the coat and threw it at your legs. It wrapped around one of them and you nearly slipped on the material but caught yourself on a boulder at the last moment.

You fumbled for the coat, slinging it on after a moment and hurrying down a tunnel. Behind you, Wilbur's heavy footsteps came closer and closer. You took a left and chose a tunnel which sloped downward sharply, skidding on pebbles. Taking a running leap, you jumped onto angled surface and braced yourself, sliding down the slick cave quickly. There was an audibly 'oof' behind you as Wilbur tripped, falling down face first. You narrowly dodged a rather large dripstone spike, wind-milling your arms to stay on your feet.

You pushed off of a stalagmite to gain speed but ran into the cave wall and lost all your momentum. Wilbur ran into you, tackling you to the floor in a clatter of stones and pulled his coat off your arms. Suddenly, Tommy, the fucking chaotic hero of the day, leapt out of the shadows like a racoon, grabbed the coat, screamed "FUCK OFF, BITCH!", and tore away down the tunnel.

Now it was Manhunt mode.

Wilbur ducked down another tunnel (a shortcut back to the main cavern) and went off searching for Tommy, who you could distantly hear screeching. You decided you'd finish what you started and doubled back to Wilbur's personal cave. You'd noticed a locked chest in here earlier. Pulling out your knife, you broke the lock off and opened Wilbur's private chest. Inside was a few diamonds, a very nice enchanted golden helmet, and several enchanted weapons, all of which you promptly stole.

On your way back to hide the things, you ran into Techno, who was obviously confused as to why everyone was screaming curses and chasing after each other but vibing with it. As you fell to the ground, the helmet fell out of your hands and slid to a stop at Techno's feet. He grabbed the piece of armor, then helped you up. Behind you, Wilbur was getting closer and closer to this cave as he searched for Tommy. You decided to leave the helmet with Techno and dashed away.

Fifteen minutes later, the stolen goods were hidden in your own cave behind a rock, Wilbur had his coat back, and Tommy was angrily perched on top of one of the rope bridges like a sulking gargoyle. You were sitting innocently on your cot reading The Art of War when Wilbur discovered his treasures gone.

His first suspicion was the Chest-Monster themselves, you.

"Ayup, Shadow. Um, did you fucking take my stuff?" Wilbur asked, leaning against the cave's entrance, coat dusty from the rock dust and a small hole in the hem where Tommy and bitten the dang thing like the gremlin he was.

You didn't even look up from your book, instead turning one of the well-worn pages. "Of course I did, darling. You saw me earlier, remember? You told me to stop throwing shit. Why are you even asking me? Damn, you so old your memory's goin'?"

Wilbur wasn't amused. "No, as in my good stuff. The ones in my fucking chest. The one in my room." Now you glanced up.

"Ayo, you have a chest of good stuff in your room? Fucking bloody hell, I wanna see!" You slid off the cot, placed your book on the pillow and started towards the cave, but Wilbur blocked you from exiting.

"Hold on. First, do I have permission to search your room for my things?" You nodded. "Great. The chest is practically fucking empty now, in case you were wondering. Might save you some tim-" You shrugged his hand off and started walking out the cave before he was done. The only problem was Techno coming towards you with the gold helmet on his head.

Fuck.

Wilbur noticed too and did a double take. "Te-TECHNO THAT'S MY FUCKING HELMET! WHAT- WHAT THE FUCK, MAN?" He knocked the helmet off the pig-man's head, glowering the whole time.

Technoblade, probably more confused than he had ever been in his life, gave you a perplexed stare. You just suppressed a laugh, gave him a wink, and started walking away. Unfortunately, Wilbur saw the wink, crossed his arms, and sighed. "Shadow."

You burst out laughing and turned around. "THE LOOK ON YOUR FACE WAS ABSOLUTELY PRICELESS- AND IT TOOK YOU SO LONG TOO!" Wilbur bullied and threatened you into giving him his stuff back until you finally gave in and moved the rock.

Tommy had other ideas.

The moment the rock was moved, Tommy, annoyed as to why he wasn't the loudest thing in his environment, suddenly leapt off the rope bridge, did a sprint that could've won the Olympics, knocked Wilbur over, scooped up the items, and started running the fuck out of there. "YOU'LL NEVER CATCH ME ALIVE!" he screamed, then actually started screaming as Wilbur dropped the helmet and gave chase. Techno, still rather confused but still vibing with it, grabbed the helmet and offered it to you.

"So. You gonna want this back or..." You shrugged and took it but smiled.

"Honestly, Wilbur's gonna hunt me down for it later, but yeah." You checked your watch. Almost dusk. "Speaking of hunting me down, I gotta go. Schlatt'll get suspicious if I'm gone for too long, plus, I should probably hide before Wilbur starts murdering."

Techno nodded. "I'll come with you a little way, I guess." You popped the helmet in your bag, slung it over your shoulder, and bowed with a flourish.

"After you, zhū bà ba."

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1121 words

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Honestly, this was kinda a shitpost if I'm being honest. We wanted to write chaotic Tommy shit, so we did.

 I can't tell whether I love or hate the new lore-

RIP Charlie and Ranboo.

On the plus side, new cosplays and fanart XD

While I'm rambling (or Ranboo-ing), Fishy Business is out :D

Ta te children :D