Indie and Sawyer's Lockdown Blues

Day 1

INDIE

I wake up from my sleep and get ready. I retie my ponytail and sit at my messy desk and study for two hours before I hear Sawyer wake up.

He gets into the shower and makes loads of noise but I'm not annoyed as long as he's not speaking to me.

I finish todays work I set for myself and go back into my bed before deciding I should work out.

I complete my work out and wait for him to exit the bathroom before going into it.

Our rooms were separated by the bathroom and we both had access to it from our rooms.

I didn't mind sharing the bathroom even though it was Sawyer, it made made me feel like part of a family.

I always had to share with my siblings to feel even an ounce of validation from them. They never shared back.

I showered and got back to my room and lied down as I just stared at the wall.

Blank.

He knocks on the door.

"Would you like something to eat?" He asks and I shake my head.

He was ruining the blank.

I liked the blank, it made me forget.

"You haven't eaten all day." He says.

"And you cared about this since when and for the record, I did eat." Him pretending to care was laughable.

"Get out." I say as I get underneath the covers and shut him out.

He wants to speak.

I didn't want to listen to him.

"Get... out."

I sit at the side of my bed and and stare at the wall, contemplating.

I turn on my playlist and play it through my Alexa as I continue staring at the door for hours. I feel the day go bye as I sit in the same spot.

I hear the door open from my bathroom and Sawyer walks through and I just ignore him as I stare at the door.

He sits next to me.

"What are you staring at?" He says and I ignore him completely.

My phone ringing shakes me out of my thoughts and I take it and answer it.

"Hello, hello, hello Indie." Kameron says and I breathe in sharply. "I'm surprised you answered the phone, Saywer was telling me how you're being a dramatic little bitch."

I look at Sawyer and drag him up by his collar and push him out of the room.

I lock the door as I listen to Kameron.

"Yeah okay, what do you really want?" I ask as I sit down on my bed trying not to let me anger get the best of me.

"I just wanted to ask how it feels to be not here with us? Don't feel sad." Kameron is so condescending it hurts.

"Why would I want to be holed up with you guys? Get a grip Kameron." I say as I cut the phone.

I have to take a moment to breathe but I'm too angry to stay calm as I start throwing stuff around again.

I want to scream but hold back as I throw the stuff around a little longer before crying into my hands.

I'd love to be home again, sitting on my bed, watching TV but no. I wasn't invited.

I would tolerate hell just to be able to stay with them, just to pretend to be part of the family.

God knows I didn't feel like it.

I also just didn't understand why my parents showed me less love at the end of it all.

I felt like they hated me, I knew that they hated me.

I always checked every avenue. I checked every email account, my social media, my other phone number, my new phone number for an invitation or a happy birthday but I never got it.

I knew it wasn't because they didn't know how to contact me, I sent them countless happy birthdays, wished them well on any festivity and always asked how they were.

They never responded.

One time my father called me and told me that he didn't want me to contact them again.

I did contact them again after that and I wasn't going to stop.

Maybe one day they'd call me and tell me how much they love me and that they miss me.

Maybe one day.

I get up and go into the bathroom and sit on top of the toilet as I stare at the floor, my knees up against my chest.

Sawyer opens his side of door and just stares at me.

He closes the door and I stay there for a while before I get up and go to the kitchen.

I make a slice of toast and an omelette and take it to my room and eat it before leaving my room again and washing the plate and putting it back.

I go back to my room and continue on with some work on the now empty desk as everything else is on the floor.

I put the work I'm doing in a folder and put it in my drawer and shut the drawer so that I don't lose that amongst the mess.

I get all the stuff of the floors and tidy my room.

I want it to be perfect.

I get the spare mirror and remove the old one and put the new one up.

I broke mirrors a lot.

I broke everything a lot which is why my room was empty for the most part. It wa basically devoid of personality.

I decided I didn't want the mirror anymore and put it away neatly.

I don't want to break it again.

I made sure my room was spotless and all my chores were done before I went to sleep.