Come Home To Me (Elizabeth Olsen X Reader)

Chapter 63

Y/N pov

Tonight is the night that were telling her parents and sisters about the baby. To say that I am nervous is an understatement. So I'm currently pacing around the kitchen. I'm more nervous about not being a good father. I was soon broken out of my thoughts by a sleepy Lizzie coming into the kitchen in one of shirts that stop mid thigh.

"Are you OK baby?" She asked me softly.

"Yeah I'm good. What do you want for breakfast?" I asked her as I stopped my movements.

"Waffles?" She asked for with a smile.

"Would you like anything with your waffles?" I asked her as i started to mix the batter.

"Just some blueberries baby." She asked she got her self a drink before sitting at the island. "Are you sure your OK?"

"I'm OK." I told her as I kept my concentration on the waffles in front of me.

"Well you've been getting up earlier again. Are you still having nightmares?" She asked me softly while I just shook my head. I hated the constant nightmares and not being able to sleep properly. I haven't had an episode in a while which is good I guess 

"It's fine love. Nothing I can't handle." I told her with a small smile as I handed her her waffles before I started to clean my mess

"Aren't you going to eat?" She asked me.

"I already ate love. I'm gonna go for a run." I told her as I left.

Lizzie's pov

I'm not sure what's going on with him lately. He was doing fine and it just seems like he's gone back to being closed off. I need to make sure that he is OK. After I had finished my breakfast I went to shower and get myself ready for the day before I decided to tend to my garden. I just wish I knew what was on his mind. I think he thinks I don't notice that he wakes up at 3am every morning. The first week of it happening he kept telling me to go back to sleep but I just dont know how to help him. I thought this baby would've gave him something more to look forward to but it seems like he's going backwards and I need to know why. I just need to make sure he's OK. I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn't realise he had come home.

"Hey love, how long have you been out here?" He asked me softly as he stood beside me.

"Why does it matter?" I asked him bluntly.

"Because I love you and I care for you." He said with a furrowed brow.

"Well why don't you talk to me. You've been shutting me out AGAIN. I just need to know that you're OK. And don't say that I'm fine because i know you're not." I shouted at him making him flinch slightly at my raised voice.

"It's nothing to worry about." He said as he walked away. I started to walk after him.

"It is something to worry about. I love you and care for you. I want to make sure that you are OK mentally. I know that you wake up every morning a 3am. I know that you wake up in cold sweats and you quietly get a towel and clean clothes and take a shower in the guest bedroom so you think you're not disturbing me. But what does disturb me is you not TRUSTING ME SHARE THE LOAD." I shouted raising my voice more.

"I DONT WANT YOU TO KNOW WHAT GOES ON UP HERE RIGHT NOW. IM BROKEN ELIZABETH. IM AFRAID." He shouted back at me. I haven't heard him raise his voice at me in months almost a year.

"Why are you afraid?" I asked him softly.

"Because I don't want to mess this up." He said pointing between us. "I thought I was getting better. For both of us but it seems to be 2 steps forward and 10 steps back. I'm never going to be who I was before. I'm never going to be him. He died when he couldn't save that kid, all that's left is this mess." He continued as his voice broke. It broke me to see him like this. "I'm not the person you fell in love with. I'm damaged, all I'm gonna do is bring you down with me. And I want to be a good dad to our Peanut but I never really had a good father figure. My pops was the only one I had when I ran away from home before my father decided to drag me back home for a good beating. I've never been whole. I've always been broken but now I'm shattered." He finished as he started to let the tears fall.

"You're not going to be a bad father to our baby. Yeah you might not be the person I fell in love with but you went through something that's changed you. I still think you're the strongest person I have ever know and I am so lucky to be starting a family with you. I will be with you through everything because I love you so much." I told him softly as I walked up to him. "But you're father gave you a prime example of what type of father not to be and I believe that you will be better than him. Way better. You already love this Peanut so much and it's not even here yet. You do everything for us but you need to let me do something for you every once in a while. Because that's what it means to be in a committed relationship, it's give and take. I love that you only focus on us but you need to be selfish every once in awhile." I told him as I wrapped my arms around his neck.

"I'm sorry." He whispered softly

"You have nothing to be sorry for. You've been through hell and back. You've had a lot of trauma to get through and you're still getting through it but I am going to be by your side through it all. I'm not going anywhere." I told him with a soft smile as I cupped his cheeks.

"Thank you." He said as he kissed me gently. I hate the way he thinks about himself. I just wish he can see himself through my eyes.