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Love you Sooner... Part 1

Italics and ~~ are used to separate the memories/past from the current POV.

Natasha's POV
18 months ago to this day I had a choice to make... Y/N had asked me to go out with her on a date and Fury "asked" me to join the Avengers Initiative....

~~~
"Hey, Natty are you free tonight? I'd love to take you out, you know, maybe wine and dine you." Y/N asked playfully.

"Um. Y/N, I have to go into a meeting with Fury real quickly. Can I get back to you?" I brush her off, but not without seeing the twinge of hurt in her eyes.

"Yeah. Of course." She says and swiftly walks away

——-

"Agent Romanoff! I've decided to enlist you along with Agent Barton to join the Avengers Initiative. I need your help in enlisting some of the others—Tony Stark and Bruce Banner. It's about time we have a group of protectors, prepared to defend Earth from whatever's out there." Fury tells me instead of asking.

"Thank you sir... I won't let you down! When do we get started?" I ask excited for such an opportunity.

"Tomorrow morning. I want you packed and ready to go. We'll take off at 6:00AM. Then we'll head to NY to get started on Stark."

"Of course sir. Thank you!" I reply gratefully, but now it's hitting me that I'm leaving. It's good that my bestfriend is coming, but Y/N was not...

~~~

In retrospect, I could've worked something out. Found a way to have had both. She's a fellow shield agent, and Fury could've helped me to make it a reality. I was far too excited about this opportunity to clear my ledger that I realize now that I let the best thing to ever happen to me go.

~~~
*Knock Knock*
"Come in!" I shout towards the closed door behind me as I pack my bag.

"Hey Natty, it's lat—.. Oh. You got a mission?" Y/N asks sounding disappointed.

"Y/N. Come here, we should talk."

I told her all about this great opportunity I was just handed.

"I finally have a purpose Y/N. I can clear my ledger!" I boast while she stares back at me with such complex eyes. They're full of hurt, but she's desperately trying to cover it with her unwavering love and support.

"I'm so happy for you Natty. This is all you've ever wanted, to be able to prove to yourself that you're more than what they tried to make you out to be. I already know you are, go be great! Stay safe, and keep in touch." She dropped her hands off of my shoulders as her pep talk, or I guess her goodbye came to an end.

She looked up to me with a big smile, which was a contradiction to her eyes that were on the verge of crying. She grabbed my hands, and gave them a squeeze, then she kissed my cheek and waltzed out of my room.
She left without giving me a chance to say goodbye, and watching her leave broke my heart. My need to do right by the world outweighed the need to run after her ...

~~~

The first six months was "easy", simply because I was too busy to feel the absence. I was undercover as Tony's assistant. I kept in touch, but it was superficial "hey's" and "how are you's" on my end. She'd send me updates on her life and it was actually the highlight of my week. If she had a mission, she'd tell me—as per my orders. I like to keep tabs on her.
If Fury did something stupid she'd tell me. It made me feel comforted.

Slowly though as time went on she stopped giving me the updates. The absence of her little updates is when it really hit me how much I actually missed her.