bad timing

four

{chapter playlist}
k. - cigarettes after sex
stargazing - the neighborhood

      I had never been so nervous to talk to him. After all, I had known him my entire life. I hated that one bad night ruined everything. I stood up, and Jake gives me a knowing look, like 'be careful'. I nod, walking upstairs and knocking softly on Sam's door. He opens it a moment later, letting me inside. "So?" He asks, shutting the door behind me. "Really?" I ask, raising my eyebrows. "'So' is all you have to say? Like you have no idea why we need to talk? Like you're expecting me to apologize?" I felt my face heat up with anger as I looked at him.

"You're gonna act like you didn't do anything wrong? You started it. You were the reason the fight happened. You're the reason I said that." He exclaims, and my jaw falls open. "So this is completely my fault? I just didn't want you to hurt her, Samuel." I exclaim, my heart thumping against my chest. "Yeah, well, I didn't want you to-" He begins, but stops himself.

"No. Go on." I cross my arms, clenching my jaw. He brings his hands to his face, rubbing his forehead before sighing. "Fine. I'll be the bigger person. I understand that I overstepped. I understand that I shouldn't have called Gabi. I'm sorry." I wasn't really sorry. I would've done it again if it meant he wouldn't break her heart for a second time. "Good." He says, and I laugh. "Are you kidding me?" I ask, my voice coated in frustration.

"'Good'? That's all I get? No 'sorry for using your dead parents in an argument'? No 'sorry for ruining our life long friendship'?" I was on the verge of tears now. "I have never once used my parents as an excuse to do the things I do. It wasn't even a valid argument. You brought them up just to hurt me." I exclaim, my voice breaking. I could see the exact moment the realization of what he'd done had set in.

"I didn't even talk to you about them. Not since the night I found out. You made it seem like I couldn't. You made it seem like you didn't wanna be there for me. You know the only person that was? Jake. Maybe that's why I kissed him. Because he was there. You weren't." I say quietly, a tear rolling down my cheek. I realized I had just admitted that he would've been the one I had kissed if he had been there, but that was the least of my worries.

"That's why you were so mad, right? Cause I kissed him? You were so afraid that something was gonna happen between me and him and it would end badly and ruin my relationship with you guys, that you went and ruined it yourself." He stood there, watching me with a pained expression. "That's not what I was afraid of." He mumbled.

"You were the one person I wanted to talk to, Sam. The one person I needed, and you weren't there for me." Tears fall from my eyes as I look up at him. "And please, please don't say I'm using my parents to win an argument right now." I sob, trying to get the words out, "Because I'm not arguing. I'm not mad. Not at you, at least. I'm just mad at myself for expecting so much from you. I should've known better." I say, holding my chest as I sob.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have come here. I'm overstepping again, this... this is your house, and your family, and..." Another sob breaks my sentence. "I'm really sorry." I say, genuinely, as I look up at him through my tear filled eyes. "I won't bother you guys anymore. I promise." I say, wiping my tears and turning to walk out of his room. I walk down the stairs quickly, avoiding looking at any of his family members so they couldn't see I'd been crying.

I put on my shoes, walking out the front door and realizing Jake had driven me there. I wasn't sure why that was my last straw, but I squeezed my eyes shut and sobbed in frustration as I began walking. My house wasn't far from here, just a few blocks away.

That was when I realized that it was my parents house I was thinking of. My dead parents house, that was currently being sold. I heard a voice come from behind me, along with two pairs of footsteps. "I got her." Sam says quietly, to whom I assumed was one of his brothers, but I didn't bother to look.