bad timing

fourteen

I let my eyes scan the crowd as I adjusted my gown, my heart racing in my chest as I waited for them to call my name. I wasn't sure why I kept looking. I knew there was nobody there for me. I had lost all of my friends, my girlfriend, and my parents. My brother lived in New York, and had no idea I was graduating since I was doing so two years early. I wish I hadn't, but I began thinking back to just a couple years ago when I had graduated high school.

"Stop!" I whisper as Sam tugs on the tassel of my cap. Since we had a relatively small graduating class, and my last name started with a J, he was right behind me. We stood, lined up with everyone else who was graduating. "Can you believe we're graduating?" He asks quietly, and I sighed, wishing the conversation could wait until after the ceremony. "No. It doesn't feel real." I say, turning and giving him a smile. "Well, actually, I can believe I'm graduating. It's you I'm surprised about." I grin, turning back around.

"Oh, really." He laughs quietly, and I nod. "You should be thanking me. I'm pretty sure you'd still be in the first grade if it weren't for me." I tease, "Why would I have done my own homework when you could have done it for me?" He raises an eyebrow, making me roll my eyes. "Oh, just shut up and let me graduate." I grin as they call my name. I walk up to shake their hands and take my diploma, and I immediately hear Josh, Jake, my parents, and my brother all hollering for me. Sam joined in too, which made me laugh. I quickly got off the stage and rushed towards the people I loved, cheering for Sam with them as I made my way over.

It was like my life had turned to gray. I had been so genuinely happy just a couple years ago, but now I had nothing. At the least, I was proud of myself for making it through college. With all of my hard work in high school, and taking 20 credits a semester, I was able to finish up just four semesters in. I imagined what I used to think this would be like. Graduating college. Such a milestone, such a huge thing to be proud of. But all I could think about was how my parents weren't there. I wished they could've seen me.

My name being called snapped me out of my thoughts, and I put on a smile as I made my way across the stage. I tried not to think about the thousands of people staring at me as I walked. I took my degree, thanking them all before shaking their hands. And that was it. I walked off stage, looking at my degree with a sad expression. I should've been happy. I should've been proud of myself. For some reason, I had never been sadder.

I looked around at all my fellow graduates as they hugged their parents and their friends, showing off their degrees. Never in my life had I felt so completely alone. I pulled my cap off my head, making my way back to my car. I couldn't watch all those happy families anymore.

"Alex!" I hear from behind me, but I knew it was probably another Alex they were talking to, so I kept walking. I figured that no matter how much I wanted them to, nobody would be here for me. That's when I heard it again. "Alexandra James!" This time, I turn around, since they had referred to me by my whole name.

I was greeted with the four people I least expected to see, rushing towards me. "We are so so sorry we missed it." Josh exclaims, "And don't start with that 'why did we come' bullshit. We're here because we love you and we are so proud of you." He grins, pulling me into a tight hug. I felt my bottom lip begin to quiver as he hugged me. Although we hadn't spoken in months, they showed up. I wasn't even sure how they knew when it was, but I had never been more grateful to see them.

Josh pulled away, giving me a frown when he saw the tears in my eyes. "Are you okay?" He asks softly, but Jake pushes past him to give me a hug. "I..." I say, a quiet sob cutting me off, "Everyone had someone. Parents, friends, whatever, and I just," I shake my head, hugging Jake back tightly. "I had no one." My chest ached as I spoke, and Jake rubbed my back. "As long as we're around, you'll always have someone." He says.

"I hate fighting with you guys." I cry, wishing I wasn't so emotional. Jake pulled away, rubbing my arm. "We hate fighting with you, too. If it's alright with you, we've made the decision to stop being dicks so we can be friends again." He grins, and I start laughing. "It's not all you guys. I mean, I started all of it." I shrug, glancing over at Sam and Danny. "Let's forget about all of that. At least for today. Today is about celebrating all your hard work." Danny says, and I nod. "That sounds nice." I smile a little.

"Can you guys give us a second?" Sam looks at the other three, who all nod quickly and disperse in different directions. I found it odd that they didn't all go the same way, but I decided not to think about it too much. "Hey." He says, looking down at the bouquet of flowers in his hand. "Are you talking to the flowers, or me?" I tease, raising an eyebrow. "Shut up." He mumbles, and I laugh a little.

In that moment, I didn't care about anything that had happened in the last year. I didn't care about all the fights. I didn't care about what we'd done to each other. I didn't care about being with him as more than a friend. All that I wanted was for us to be okay, if only for a minute. Not talking to him was even worse than fighting with him, but I would never tell him that. "I'm..." He starts, looking up to meet my eyes. "Well, these are for you, first of all." He says, handing me the bouquet and making me smile. "Thank you." I say happily.

"Also, I just," He lets out a soft sigh, running a hand through his hair, "I know things haven't exactly been great between us lately. I've been thinking a lot about it. We can talk about that a different time, if you want to," He rambles, taking a breath. I anticipated he was about to say more, so I didn't say anything quite yet. "I just need you to know that I'm really proud of you. I mean, really. You've been through so much, and you still graduated in half the time it takes the average person. I don't understand that, like, at all, but I seriously admire you for it." He says.

"I don't care if you still never wanna talk to me again, you don't even have to say anything. But I just have to make sure you know that I'm proud of you, and I love you so much." I could tell he didn't mean it in the way that he was in love with me, but instead, the way he'd said it to me thousands of times before. I felt like a million pounds had been lifted off my shoulders. "Thank you, Sammy. I love you too." I open my arms, and he steps forward. He wraps his arms around me tightly, resting his chin on my shoulder. It had been probably a year since we'd hugged, and it felt so good to do it again. He had always been an amazing hugger. "Are we okay?" I ask quietly, nuzzling my face into his shoulder. He takes a moment before responding in a soft voice, "I hope so."