bad timing

eleven

{chapter playlist}
remember the mornings - clinton kane
i love you - billie eilish

      "Just come to the show, Alex. Please." Josh says, and I scrunch my nose in protest. "I've seen you guys play, like, a million times. Can't I just wait till your next tour?" I ask, setting my phone on the counter so he could see me while I started a cup of coffee. "You can't avoid him forever, you know." He says, and I sigh. "Kinda wish I could." I mumble, staring at the coffee as it brews. "Is that Alex?" I hear Jake's voice on the other end of the phone, looking over as he comes onto the screen. "Hey, Jake." I smile, taking the creamer from my fridge and pouring some into my cup.

"You doing anything tonight?" He asks, and I shrug, picking up the phone to look at the twins. "Sophie was gonna come over. She has someone she wants to introduce me to." I explain, and Josh raises his eyebrows. "For a friend or for sex?" He asks, and I grin at him, squinting my eyes. "Why do you care? Are you in love with me or something?" I tease, just like old times. "You know it, darling." He winks, and I let out a laugh. "Well if it's just gonna be the three of you, we'll stop by." Jake says, and I furrow my eyebrows. "Why?"

I take my coffee to the couch, taking a seat and flipping through the channels on the television. "We don't have anything to do either. We'll be there at 6." Jake says, not giving me any room for protest before he hung up.

—

I watched with envy as Sam wrapped his arm around the blonde, laughing at something I wasn't paying close enough attention to hear. If I had known the twins were going to tell Sam they were coming, I would've told them not to come at all. And the fact that he brought her felt like some kind of sick joke. They were in Michigan for one week, since this was the week they had shows here, and I had planned on not seeing Sam at all. Every time I looked at them together on my couch, my stomach turned.

I didn't understand the feeling in my chest; the dull ache I got every time I looked at them. I had never felt so uneasy seeing him with another girl before. I tried to stop myself from looking at them, but I couldn't. I paid close attention to the way his fingers played with her hair, the way he laughed at her jokes that weren't funny, and the way he looked at her like she was the only girl in the world. He must have been mistaken about his feelings for me, because I could tell that this girl was the only thing he wanted.

Maybe I had never been good enough for him. Part of the reason I never voiced my feelings to him was because I knew I wasn't pretty enough. I wasn't as skinny as the other girls he'd dated, and it didn't help that the girl he was currently with had my dream body. He used to make fun of me for not smiling with my teeth, but the reason for it was that I was completely insecure about my smile. Of course, he didn't know that. He had no idea how insecure I was.

Maybe he was messing with me when he told me he loved me. I think him messing with me would have hurt less than what was happening now. I had never been a jealous person before, but in that moment, all I felt was jealousy. It should have been me, sitting there, laughing with him and kissing him, but it wasn't. It never would be. He would never want me as much as I wanted him. He would never love me as much as I loved him.

"Alex?" The girl beside me says, and I look over at her, "Hmm?" I ask, playing with my fingers. "I asked if you wanted me to go." She says softly, and I sigh, shutting my eyes momentarily. Sophie had brought one of her college friends over for me to meet. I guess this was her way of telling me to get off my ass and move on from Sam. "I just can't help feel but like you're a little distracted." She says with a small smile, and I chew on my lip. "I'm really sorry. It's been a long day. I'd love for you to stay, but only if you want to."

Sophie had left about ten minutes ago, although she hadn't warned me she'd be leaving me alone with her. Not that I was alone, because the brothers were there, but she was our mutual friend. Now I had to have an actual one on one conversation with her. I wasn't exactly upset about that, she did seem very nice from the few sentences we'd spoken to each other.