bad timing

eighteen

The familiar pain returned to my chest as I drove down the interstate. I didn't know where I was going, but I didn't care. Although there was a chill in the air, my windows were all rolled down. I had my music as loud as it could go in hopes the sound would drown out my thoughts. It didn't work. Nothing ever did.

I should have been happy. I was living in Manhattan with what was supposed to be my dream job. This was all I had ever wanted. But for some reason, I had never been so sad. It had been nearly a month since I'd left my life in Michigan behind and moved to the Big Apple, and every day, things seemed to get harder and harder. I couldn't fight the tears back anymore. I let them fall from my eyes as I gripped the steering wheel, letting out a weak sob.

Living with my brother was one thing. We could hardly speak to each other without fighting. It had always been that way, and I had no idea why I thought things would be different now. I might have been able to put up with that if the stress of my job wasn't weighing me down as well. My entire team hated me because while they had all been in the architecture field for years, it was my first job, and I was in charge of the project. I tried explaining to them that it wasn't my doing, but they didn't care.

On top of all that, it was what Sam had done that really got to me. No matter how much I wanted to, I didn't understand why he'd done it. Everytime I thought about it, I felt like I couldn't breathe. If I wasn't good enough for him, the one person who knew me better than anyone, who would I be good enough for?

I nearly screamed in frustration when my music faded away, but instead, I took a deep breath. I looked at the screen on my dashboard to see what could have stopped it, and that was when the ringing started. Jake's name popped up over the blue background, under the words 'Incoming Call'. I tried to calm myself down enough to sound like I hadn't just been sobbing. I clicked the green phone icon to pick up the call.

"Alex!" Jake exclaims excitedly, "Hey, Jake." I say, wiping away my tears. "Is something wrong?" He asks, and I sigh. "No. I'm okay. What's up?" I ask, clearing my throat after I spoke. "I just wanted to tell you that me and Josh are in Pittsburgh for the night, I know it's kind of a far drive but we haven't seen you in weeks and-" He says, and I furrow my eyebrows as I see a sign overhead reading 'Exit Pittsburgh 10 Miles'. "Wait, did you say Pittsburgh?"

—

I knocked on the door to the hotel room, waiting for a response as I stood there. Seconds later, the door swings open. Before I could even see who it was, I was enveloped in a hug. "I missed you!" Josh says quickly, and I laugh a little, hugging him back tightly. "I missed you too. So so so much." I say, pulling away from the hug and walking inside. Jake wraps an arm around me, kissing me on the head before grinning. "So... care to explain why you're in Pittsburgh?" He asks curiously. I purse my lips, "I just... went for a drive." I mumble.

He pulls away, looking at me intently, like I'd just said I had killed someone. "What happened?" He furrows his eyebrows. "What do you mean? I can't just go for a drive?" I raise an eyebrow. "Do you remember what happened last time you 'went for a drive'?" He asks quietly, putting air quotations around the last part. I took a moment to think about it, then narrowed my eyes when I remembered.

4 years prior

My clothes were stained in red. Waves of pain rushed through my body like an ocean as the panic began setting in. Shattered glass surrounded me, puncturing multiple spots of my skin. I felt my body becoming weaker, my lungs fighting back as I struggled to breathe. I picked up my phone with the little strength I had left, dialing the only number I could remember in my panicked state.

"What's up?" Sam answers the phone, but I couldn't get out a response. I tried to catch my breath, hoping he would understand something was wrong. "Alex?" He asks, sounding like he was wondering if I had heard him the first time. I let out a weak groan, clutching one of the large wounds on my side. "I fucked up." I utter, my voice sounding coarse. "What happened? Are you okay?" Sam asks quickly, a panicked tone in his words. I tried to speak again, but nothing came out. "Alex. Talk to me." He exclaims, and I could hear keys jingling on the other end. "Where are you?"