physiotherapy | awsten knight

37: toxic attention

tw: psychotic break

February 4th, 13 weeks after the incident

Her fingers were weaving through his freshly conditioned hair. She hummed against his lips, before she gently trailed her finger down his chest. He loved feeling her touch on him.

He looked down at her face in awe. Her hair was spread out onto the pillow like a halo and her arms held him close to her like he was her shield; to protect her from the world. She looked at him like he was her everything, too.

Awsten relished in the sensation; simply feeling her near jumpstarted his pounding heart.

Suddenly, she was separated from him. She was falling backwards into a dark hole. The void was threatening to swallow her completely, but Awsten was able to catch her hand. But the weight of it was too heavy.

Before he let go, he woke up in a sweat.

Awsten's heart was racing in his chest. It was just a dream, he kept thinking to himself. He sat up in his bed. His pillows were scattered messily and when he had moved around in his sleep, he had accidentally shoved his phone off of his mattress.

He bent down to pick his phone off the ground. His display lit up while doing so. Still no message from Cosima. His notification bar showed only a few unopened Instagram DMs from Jawn.

He had been checking his phone all day every day since he had last spoken to her. Which had been five days ago, but not like he was counting, right?

His obsession worked around the clock but made him feel anxious at most times. He couldn't help but feel disappointed any time he checked his phone to find no sign of her.

So, he shut it off.

He didn't have any place to be the next day anyway, so why bother.

He woke up again six hours later, at 10am. Before he could even get himself to open his eyes, the dark cloud over his head returned and the never-ending pit in his stomach settled in.

He stayed in bed for another hour, face buried into his pillow.

He sluggishly trudged into his kitchen. His eyes fell upon a picture on his fridge's door. It was from the day of Cosima's cousin's wedding. Each guest had gotten their picture taken and frankly, they had taken theirs together. Cosima had received it in the mail a couple of weeks later and promptly given it to Awsten who had then stuck it to his fridge.

Though when looking at it now, it made him sad.

Where had they gone wrong?

He had wanted it so badly. He had spent weeks, even months pining over her, just for it to go wrong right away.

Was he not enough?

He shut the fridge with a thud. He made himself cereal, but only managed to pick at it. He really wasn't that hungry.

Before he could even stop himself, he turned on his phone again.

1 missed call from 🍅

Awsten dialed Jawn's number, leaning his head against the cold window as he did so.