Between The Books-Michael Clifford

Thirty Five

I can't speak.

I need to say something.

"Michael, I was drunk, still am sort of. I like you and I want us to be together. I had every intention of talking to Jax, but I haven't seen him. I promise I will. Just don't say we have to wait. Don't say you won't touch me. You're not the only one fighting to stay in control."

"I shouldn't have kissed you, Star. That was wrong of me when you're still in a relationship with Jax. I know you want to be with me now, and I believe you." He just looks at me, and smiles.

He has a great smile.

"After all, you're here with me, not Jax. In my room. In my clothes, and you look really good in my clothes." He says, looking at his clothes on me.

I just can't sit here this close to him and not touch him. I move up and into his lap, straddling him. It's unplanned and surprises us both. He leans back, bringing his hands up.

"Star, we can't be together, not until you and Jax are over. It's not right." He says, looking at me. He's fighting this, I can see it.

"I'm breaking up with Jax. I'd do it right this minute, Michael, if I fucking knew where he was! It's just us here now, no one has to know. Jax won't know. Then tomorrow, I'll find him and talk to him." I reach up lacing my fingers with his. I feel him tighten his grip on my hands.

He wants this. I know he does, just as much as I do. He's looking down, trying to control it.

"I was in a relationship once, and she cheated on me, Star. Had been for awhile. I had no fucking idea and when I found out, it nearly destroyed me. From what I've seen of you and Jax together, you guys were good, happy. He's not gonna see this coming. I just don't want to add to that by messing with you....while you're still his girl."

He looks up at me now, his eyes filled with emotion. He's amazing. Really such a great guy. He's trying to do the right thing, and here I am throwing myself at him. He's struggling right now and instead of respecting his decision, I'm doing everything I can to make him go against it.

I let go of his hands. "I'm sorry. You're right, Michael. I'll talk to Jax tomorrow. If I promise to behave myself, will you let me stay with you tonight? I just want to be close to you, even if we can't touch."

He bites his lip and smiles. "I planned for you to stay, Star. I WANT you to stay." He pushes back some of my wet hair from my face. "I said I shouldn't have KISSED you, but I'm not perfect. I still want to touch you, we just can't let it go anywhere. Right now I'm gonna put my arms around you and hold you against me, but for tonight, that's all we can do." His hands move around my hips settling on my lower back, and pulling me close.

I put my hands behind his neck and just look into his gorgeous green eyes.

My entire body feels like Michael just flipped a switch and turned me on. He's not even touching my skin!

"I'm ok with this, for now, but can I just say you smell amazing?" I say, smiling.

"Thanks, and can I just say, your eyes are absolutely beautiful? That's the first thing I noticed about you that night in the library. When you looked up at me that first time when I was turning in my late books."

"I was just thinking YOUR eyes were gorgeous!" I can feel my cheeks heat up.

"You're blushing." He says, grinning.

"Stop. It's just hot in here." Isn't it?

"It is hot in here, but it's not the temperature of the room that's making you blush. The room is actually cold ."

"Jesus....I want so bad to kiss you right now." I know I shouldn't say that. It doesn't help our situation, but he's just...looking at me all fucking hot looking.

"Oh, Baby I get that. I feel the same way. Tomorrow ok? I can take you home in the morning, then I have some studying to do, so I'll just be at the library. You work tomorrow, right? I'll find you. As soon as you and Jax get things settled, we'll go out somewhere." He says, putting his arms around my waist and pulling me close.

"Ok, so....what are we going to do now?" I ask, with a million images of things we CAN'T do, going through my mind.

"We could shoot some pool?" He says.

"Nope, remember you said I'm terrible."

"Ouch! I did say that. Course you are." He smiles. "More coffee? We could see who's here. Laney's probably here."

Hmm, I don't think so. I Just wanna be with you. I know, five questions. Anything you want. The other person has to be honest."

"Ok, you go first." He says.

"Favorite food."

"Tacos."

"Mmm, I like tacos too. How old are you?"

"Twenty one. You? This doesn't count as one of my five."

"Nineteen. When did you start playing the guitar?"

"When I was eight. My folks bought me an acoustic guitar, book, and case. Had like, six or eight different picks. I was the shit. Got me plenty of girls too." He says grinning.

"I just bet it did! How's it working for you now?"

"I got you."

"Mmm, not because you're in a band. If you wanna know the truth...it was because you had the exact change to pay your library fine, and your hair was blue." I wink.

"Librarians are sooo sexy." He leans in, like he's going to kiss me, then stops. "Whoa! Sorry. Reflex I guess?"

"Oh, now YOU'RE blushing! You know, my reflex would've been NOT to have stopped you." I grin.

"Yes, I do know that. It's because I'm older, I have more self control."

"Sure, that's it. Course it was you that went in for the kiss." I say, one eyebrow raised.

"You wanted me to."

"Didn't ask you to."

"You're a librarian. Guys have a weakness for that, so not my fault." He smiles.

Damn he's cute.

"Four. How old were you when you first had sex?"

"All the way? Sixteen. I got plenty of other stuff starting around twelve, though."

"Wow! Twelve?! I was still into Disney movies when I was twelve!"

"Mmm, that's really hot, Star." He's laughing.

"Shut it. Ok five....big boobs or small?"

"Yours."

"You haven't seen mine." I say, grinning.

"Mmm, not yet, but I can tell by the way you fill out my T-shirt. How it stretches tight across, that they're just beggin' for me to take it off of you." He bites his lip and....that look.

Holy. Fucking. Shit.