Between The Books-Michael Clifford

Thirty Nine

"Thanks for waiting. I don't mind walking in the snow, though. It's peaceful you know? Everything's so quiet, still. Winter is my favorite time of year."

Michael and I are walking to his Jeep across the Oval. He was right about it snowing, it's coming down hard, but huge flakes.

"I like winter, but I like all the other seasons better." He says, laughing.

"Really?! Even summer? I hate summer, well maybe not hate. I just hate being hot, and the bugs and humidity. Fall and spring are better."

I really want to hold his hand. I reflexively tighten my grip on the strap of my bookbag. Be strong, Star.

"I hate humidity too, but the bugs don't bother me. When I was a kid I loved bugs. I'd be outside all the time catching them, putting them in one of those little cage things you can buy to catch lightening bugs in."

"What are lightening bugs?"

"Seriously? You know, the bugs that come out in the evening and light up." Michael's looking at me like I just landed from Mars....and smiling that perfect smile of his.

"Oh, fireflies. No, never caught bugs. We used to live in this house surrounded by elm trees. Did you have those, the worms?"

"Not sure I know what you mean." He reaches out and grabs my arm as we walk over a patch of ice.

Chills, and not from the cold.

I clear my throat, trying to get a fucking grip on my stupid ass self. "The silk worms that spin their silk threads from the trees, only elm trees as far as I know. They would dangle from the trees on their way to the ground. ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING. There was no way to get to or from my house without walking under the elm trees. I would walk like a zombie, the cheesy ones from before the good zombie movies came out, arms out in front of me, waving back and forth trying to feel for them. If you didn't, you'd always end up with them on you."

I shiver even thinking about it. My biggest terror as a kid.

"Wow. No never had those where I lived." He let's go.

"My biology teacher in the eighth grade, he had a side business of spraying the town for the silk worms. He would go around late in the evening, usually when everyone was home for the night, and spray this fog of insecticide that would kill the worms. Then the next day, there'd be all these dead worms all over everything. I'm not sure that was better, actually."

"Where did you grow up?" He asks.

"I'm from Wyoming actually. Really small town. We moved out here when I was fifteen. Where are you from?"

I can see Michael's Jeep. I wish it was parked on the other side of campus...or in Pennsylvania. I just don't want this to be over.

"Well, nowhere as interesting as Wyoming. I'm from Pennsylvania, New Hope. It's not far from New York City. Been there?"

"No, only Pittsburgh once on our way to State College when my brother was visiting colleges."

"OK, well it's also near Philly. Pittsburgh, that's a pretty shit town. Philly's better. How old's your brother?"

We start to cross the icy parking lot and Michael reaches for my hand. No gloves, either of us. I might pass out, his hands are so warm.

"Um, Seth. He's a year older then me."

I can't even think straight with him touching me.

"So he goes to Penn State?" He says, as we get to his Jeep. He let's go of my hand as he unlocks my door and opens it for me.

"Yeah." I say, climbing into the seat. He shuts the door and I take a huge breath, letting it out slow.

Calm your tits girl! Jesus, Leo and Tyler are right. You HAVE to stay in control. Just a couple weeks. Remember your rule you and Laney live by.

No cheating.

I won't. I won't do that to Jax.

Michael opens his door and gets in. He starts the car and turns on the wipers. They stick at first, then break free and swipe across the windshield brushing snow away. Under the snow is a layer of ice that the wipers can't remove. He turns on the heater and reaches across me, down on the floor, to grab the ice scraper.

He smells good. REALLY good.

"Just be a minute, sorry." He smiles then gets out and shuts the door.

I watch him scrape the windshield. His face is concentrated as he chips away at the ice.

So yummy.

Stop. You're like a damn teenager who just sees her crush at the grocery store. Slobbering all over yourself.

I'm sure I'm not slobbering...am I? I quick wipe my mouth just to be sure.

My phone buzzes and I reach into the pocket of my coat to pull it out.

A text from Jax.

*hey, i'm wasted thanks to nate. gonna crash. see u tomorrow. love you baby*

Relief. That's what I feel, followed by anxiety. I'm glad Jax is ok. I'm sure getting drunk with Nate was probably good for both of them, but now that means I have the rest of the night free. It's only 5:30. That's a lot of night.

A lot can happen in that much time. A lot that SHOULDN'T.

I won't cheat on Jax. I can control myself. I really want to stay with Michael....I mean we are friends, and Jax is ok with that. He trusts me.

Michael gets back in the truck. "It's cold out there, scraping with no gloves!"

I reach for his hands without even thinking. Holding them in mine, his hands ARE cold.

He looks from our hands to my face. So close we are right now.

He pulls away. Oh...ok.

"So, did you talk to Jax? I can drop you at his place or yours, wherever. I've got no plans other then eating and I think the boys are trying some new songs we've been writing, so I'll probably head over to Marcus's. Mack Hall and Lincoln are both on my way." He reaches past me and grabs my seatbelt, pulling it across my chest and hooking it. "Where to, Baby?"

He's looking at me. He's trying to be light, no mention of the serious chemistry happening between us right now. I see it though, in his eyes. He's aware of it.

"Michael...I want to go home with you. Look, I got a text from Jax. He's drunk with Nate and going to sleep. Laney's probably with Marcus anyway."

He's looking at me, at my lips...because I realize I'm biting my bottom one. Nerves. Filled with so many thoughts and feelings! I'm trying to stay in control, and I bite my lip usually when I'm freaking. In this case though...it probably only makes things worse for Michael.

He wants to kiss me.

Please just do it, Michael. Just one kiss.

He licks his lips then looks into my eyes. He smiles slowly, putting the Jeep in reverse and looking in his rearview mirror. He pulls out of the parking space, then puts it in drive.

"Ok, Let's go find everybody. You think we can pull this off, Star?" He says, looking at me again.

No. Not sure at all.

"Of course. We have to, right?" I say.

"Yep....we have to."