Between The Books-Michael Clifford

Thirty Eight

"That's horrible, to not make it in time to see her. I'm sure he's hurting. You were right not to break it off with him, Star."

"I will, but not until after the funeral, maybe a couple weeks. Do you think that's long enough?"

I just want him to hold me.

"I can't make that call, Baby. You know Jax, what he needs. Do it when you feel comfortable. I completely understand and I don't want you to think I'm gonna bail because you're still with Jax." Michael looks around. Seeing we're alone, he reaches out and takes my hands in his.

"It's not like I'm with him, Michael. I won't sleep with him. I can't. I don't have those feelings anymore. I'll keep it friends only, but without him knowing."

I couldn't be with Jax like that now. It just would feel wrong.

"OK." Michael smiles. "You're a good person, Star. He's lucky to have you right now, even as just a friend."

"I knew his mom, Maggie. She was great. I'm going to really miss her."

"Of course. When's the funeral, we'll all want to be there for Jax...unless he'd feel uncomfortable with that."

"No, he'd like that. I'm not sure but I think Wednesday. I'll let you know. Laney and Jax are really close, Michael. He's gonna need her too. She and I are really all he has now. Will Marcus be ok with her being away for a few days?" I look up and see freaky Ronnie lurking.

I check my phone. Still have half an hour before I have to go downstairs, asshole. So go snarl at someone else.

"Oh, absolutely. He's gonna feel horrible for her, and Jax. Anything you guys need, just let us know, Star."

"I just want us to be together. I feel awful for Jax. I Really do, but I....I don't know how I can not be with you, Michael! Last night, it took EVERYTHING I had not to kiss you." I look into his eyes.

God his eyes!

His eyes change. I know he's in control, obviously more then me, but I know it isn't easy.

"I know. I feel the same way, but we can't. We can wait....we can do this, Star. Just think how amazing it'll be when we do get to be together." He grins.

Ok stop. Just stop doing....THAT.

"Stop. Stop that face, Michael! I'm going to work now, because if I don't, I'm going to attack you." I stand up, grinning.

"Sorry." He says, trying not to smile again. "Where are you tonight, after work? You going home with Jax, or..." Michael stands up, taking a step towards me. My heartbeat instantly speeds up.

Don't get CLOSER to me! The grin was bad enough, Michael.

"I don't even know. I don't think so. He said he was going to make some calls from his dorm, and that he'd catch up with me later. Probably I'll just walk back home after work. I don't know, I think Jax needs a little time. He went back to his mom's last night...after the hospital. I can't even imagine what that must've been like. He probably doesn't want to go back there right away."

I put my arms around his neck and he pulls me in for a hug. I wish I didn't have to work tonight, but it's probably best I do, or I might end up forcing myself on Michael. Plus, Ronnie already saw me, so I can't really call off sick.

I pull back, reluctantly. "Ok, talk to you soon." I say. "Feel bad for me, all night trying to avoid pervy Ronnie!"

He smiles. "Soon, Star." He says, watching me turn and walk away.

Kill me now.

I get back downstairs and see Leo just walking in. I wait for him by the main office door.

"Hey there, gorgeous! So, did you ever find Jax? Are you and Michael official now?"

"Shh, no. Let's sign in and I'll tell you the whole shitty story." I say, opening the door for him.

No Ronnie. So far so good.

........................................

"So you guys are going to just, what...stay away from each other until you and Jax are done?" Tyler asks, sitting down on his stool.

We've been ridiculously busy. More so then other Saturdays I've worked. This is really the first completely dead moment we've had all afternoon. Leo walks away from his desk and heads into Berry Cafe. I know he'll get me coffee, and thank God, I can use it.

"No, we can't really stay away from each other. I mean, before this happened we spent a lot of time with Lickit. If I suddenly find an excuse to stop going over there, Jax is gonna think it's weird."

I sit down on my stool and pull a hair tie off my wrist. I pull my hair up into a messy bun and take a deep breath. I think this is the first time today I've sat down, besides earlier with Michael, and it's almost time to go home!

"Yeah, I suppose that's true. That's gonna make it super awkward for you two, when you're all three together." Tyler reaches into his man purse, he calls it a messenger bag, and pulls out a Pepsi.

"Yeah, hopefully we won't have to do it too many times."

"So where's Mikey now? Did he go home after you talked to him?" He says, twisting off the lid.

"No, as far as I know, he's still here. He was studying for a test in his Roman Studies class."

"So you'll have to see him again today. Man, Star, not to be an asshole, but...there's no way you and Mikey are gonna be able to pull this off "

"What?! Yes we are, Tyler. You don't know what you're talking about." I look back towards the main floor elevators. He'll come down this way, it's the closest exit to where he parks his Jeep.

"Sure. You just looked back towards the elevators, Star. Listen, I'm not judging you, I just think you aren't being realistic about your situation."

"Hey, what did I miss? Fucking busy today, right?! Hope the rush is over. I'm ready to sit on my ass and do nada for this last twenty minutes." Leo hands me my coffee and smiles. "So has he come down yet?"

"Who?" I say, trying to look like I have no idea he's talking about Michael.

"Right. So no, he's still upstairs." Leo grins at me.

Asshole.

"I was just telling her that there's no way she and Mikey are gonna be able to keep their hands off each other until she dumps Jax." Tyler says, laughing.

I shoot him an evil look.

"Oh, no way! He's right, Star. From everything you've told us about the few times you and Michael have been together, you guys are about a minute away from ripping each others clothes off." Leo removes the lid from his coffee, steam instantly rising up. "Now you've both finally admitted your feelings and decided to be together, then this happens with Jax. Now don't get me wrong, I think you're doing the right thing holding off letting Jax go, but you guys will have to stay the fuck away from each other if you're ever gonna pull this off."

"Ok, I see why you'd think that, but we did fine today, and it wasn't even that hard." I say, taking the lid off my boiling coffee.

"Course it wasn't! You guys have been in THE LIBRARY! Ok, so I'll rephrase. You guys will be ok, as long as YOU'RE NOT ALONE TOGETHER."

"No. We're adults, Leo. We can make this work." I say, with more emphasis then was needed.

Just then Michael walks up to our counter. I totally didn't see him. I really have to get better at spotting him if I'm going to constantly be talking about him.

All of us are instantly speechless, looking at Michael.

"Um, hi guys." Michael says, looking at the three of us...being obviously weird. "Can you check this out for me? I can't study anymore today. I feel like my head's gonna explode. Can I give you a ride home, Star? It's snowing again."

Shit.