Between The Books-Michael Clifford

Forty Five

Star's POV

"Hey. You're still awake. It was a rough night for you." Michael says.

I can hear him taking off his pants. He's in the shadows, just out of the glow from the streetlight.

"I'm sorry I left you. I just was...I guess freaking out a little. Needed some time to think." I did, but all I've been able to do is lay here and think about Michael. Think about him holding my hands above my head. The way his mouth felt on my neck. The way he whispered "is this ok?".

Michael pulls down the covers and gets in bed beside me. "Come over here."

I roll over into him and he puts his arms around me. This is peace. All my nerves, guilt, worries, just disappear when I'm with Michael.

"How was he when you took him home?" I say.

"He was ok. Drunk and tired. He's hurting, Star, but he'll get through this. We'll all be there to help."

"You're really being very patient about all this. Thank you for understanding."

He rubs my arm softly with his hand. "I care about you, and about him believe it or not. I don't want to cause him anymore pain then he's already dealing with. Why couldn't you've been going out with some other guy? Of course it had to be Scutter's friend."

"As soon as I saw it was you, that night when Scutter was introducing us....I about died. How crazy was that?!"

"I know this sucks for you. I'm sorry for that." He kisses my head. "We have to be good until you talk to him. Whenever you decide to do it, I'll support you. Until then, this...is all we can do. I can't stay away, Star. I'm sorry, I just can't. I know it's my fault. I shouldn't have kissed you tonight. I let it go too far." He says.

"It's not all on you, Michael. I wanted this, wanted you, just as much. I agree though, we keep it friends...or as friendly as we can, until Jax and I are done."

"We can do this. Oh, so I do have something to tell you. Turns out I'm not going to be moving in across the street from you. Becca's moving in with Toby." He says.

"She is? So, are you staying here?"

"Yep. Gonna move all my stuff back tomorrow. What a pain in the ass."

"Where does Toby live?" I ask.

"Here! Didn't you know that?" He says.

"No, Jax said it was Scutter and Marcus's place, well Marcus owns it right?"

"Yeah. Toby and Scutter, and me. We all live here. I was gonna move in with Becca because her roommate dropped out and moved back home, sticking her for the rest of their lease at Lion's Head. Then he asked her to just move in here."

"So now everyone lives here. Including my roommate now it seems!" I say, laughing.

"Yep, good thing everyone gets along. You ok being by yourself in your dorm?"

"No it's ok. Laney was never there much anyway. Seems she was always at Nate's and Jax stayed with me...sorry."

"It's ok. I get it. You guys were together a long time. Are you gonna be able to avoid sleeping with him?" He says, quietly.

"Yes. I'll find a way. I'll fake being sick...or say I'm on my period. Something. I'm not having sex with him, Michael. That's why I ran into the bathroom and threw up tonight. Just him touching me like that, in that way...made me sick."

Even thinking about being with him now, after being with Michael like that...makes my stomach turn.

"Once you and I can be together....I mean I know we just started going out, I'm not asking you to move in....but I want you to know you can stay over whenever you want." He says.

"Oh yeah? So like, I could sleep here? At your house, in your bed? That's so nice of you, Michael!" I say, raising up on my elbow and looking at him.

"Cut it out."

"I'd probably need to have a few things here then...I mean of mine, for convenience." I say, smiling in the dark.

"Sure....I have plenty of drawers. You should probably have your own space."

"Really, Michael? A drawer?! I mean a WHOLE DRAWER?! Like, maybe just a little one...."

"Stop it."

"Just a SMAAALL one....in the CORNER or something?" I say, laughing.

"Star..."

"Like an old sock drawer or even a shelf..." I bust out laughing and can't stop.

"That's it, make fun! Forget it! Just forget it, Star! No drawer! Just carry your stuff around in a paper bag." He's laughing and starts tickling me.

I jerk away from him, trying to get up, and I'm laughing so hard that I can't even breathe...and then it just happens. I end up on top of him, his hands on my hips and my hair hanging down in his face. I reach up and pull it back and see him looking at me.

There's something so hot about only the glow from the streetlight, orange because of the stained glass, lighting us.

He's not laughing anymore. I'm wearing his shirt and just my panties, and he's in his boxers.

...and I could seriously devour him right now.

"Michael..." No, Star. Get off of him RIGHT NOW!

I feel his fingers dig into my hips. He's fighting it. "Shit...Baby, we can't. Jesus I want to."

I can feel him against my leg...harden, and I swear the rush of hormones that blow through me is enough to nearly make me pass out.

"I know....but, Michael..." Fuck, I want him sooo bad.

"No. Not until you're free. I want us to be together so bad, Star, but I don't want anything to fuck it up. It's not fair to Jax, and it's not fair to us. I don't want the guilt hanging between us because we shouldn't be together. I mean I know we already screwed up once, but that doesn't mean we can't try to make it right." He let's go.

I move off, laying back down beside him...trying to breathe, trying to get my stupid body to stop RESPONDING to him.

"Are you mad?" He asks, after about a minute.

"No. You're right. This is gonna be so hard, though. I don't know if I can do it." I say.

"Ok, well....I'll make sure we don't. Some fucking way." He says.

"It's so fucking stupid! Right now...I could absolutely attack you. I'm fighting it, Michael, and I won't do it, but you should know, I REALLY FUCKING WANT TO!" My breathing is fast and my heart is pounding!

"Fair enough...but if there was no Jax, I'd rip that shirt off, and pound you SO HARD into this mattress...Baby, you'd be screaming...and there wouldn't be a person on this street who didn't know my name."

Holy. Fuck.