S.O.S. Monsters Within

Entry 1: In The End

"Ga...! Gar..!!! ...rri!" I could feel someone shaking me, though I want to open my eyes, they feel to heavy.

"Garri! Wake up!" Asides from a headache, and heavy eyelids, I feely terribly cold, though I could feel some radiating heat somewhere, enveloping me.

"Margaret!" at that, I finally opened my eyes.

"Thristan...?" I weakly asked as I tried to rub my eyes, but failed, since I am actually cocooned in my blanket. "What are you doing here?"

He sighed and plopped himself on my bed. Though I can't remember tucking myself for sleep. Even cocooning myself on my blankets.

"I told you, I knew something's off. I'm right." he said, gently putting his hands on my forehead. "I found you sprawled on the floor, running a fever, when I came back to check if I left my phone here, which I did." he stood up, got some water and medicine on his hands, and gave it to me, which I took.

"Then I told mom, after putting you on the bed, and tucking you in. After we had dinner, coz you won't wake up, and we decided to let you have your sleep, I came back to check you, while mom's washing the dishes, and found you, having bad dream and strangling yourself with the blanket." I gave him a look, are you kidding me, and he just shrugged.

"So, mom?" I asked.

"She's down there. I made it as less noise as possible. I, rather, we, don't want her to panic, like the last time."he explained, and I simply nod, agreeing to his decisions.

"I'll go back down to mom, here's the food. Leave the plates when you're done. I'll check you later on, so get some sleep and rest, okay? Call me when something happens." He said as he try to clean my room. He ruffled my hair, and bade me goodnight. I looked at the tray of food on my desk at my right, my bagpack, on the swivel chair.

Then I remembered the notebook I kept in there, camouflaged with my other notebooks in order to not look too suspecting. I get out from my bed, feeling wobbly and weak. I opened my bag, and took my black hard covered notebook. It looks like a vintage diary, though it was actually designed to look like that.

Inside, I left two blank pages infront, and the following page was folded horizantally, with an arrow pointing on the left side, where the paper's end that will unfold the folded is located.

----

Entry #78
I've already have written a lot, from when I started having hints about this depression, my attacks, my bad days, those times where I badly want to dissappeare, and some thoughts about life itself. I'm at the last thirty pages, but as I lost more pages to write on, it seems like I'm starting to fall in a deeper darkness.

I'm starting to wonder if this would really work.

Last year, I don't know if I've already written this, but when I mindlessly surf the net, unconsciously, I found my self in a tricky page. I have shamefully searched ways on taking one's life. And I have encountered this page, encouraging me to keep reading, for they would try to help. Not really interested in the helping part, I wondered in how will this page end. To let you know, it did end with possible helping solutions just like what it has suggested at the very beggining.

It has a lot of number that I could call for me to talk to. They even suggested for me to call the person whom I feel comfortable to talk to about my situation. But the one that caught my eyes were the one listed last. Them telling me to write a diary or what ever anyone want to call it.

Curiously, I did it.

And after sixteen entries, I started hearing voices, and every entry started to became darker. After my twenty eight entry, I did something predictable. And I didn't felt anything after that. Up to until now, well, asides from fear and depression, I guess.

Earlier, I had another attack. And when I wake up, my brother's shaking me awake, and stopping me from strangling myself. I don't think he knows, since I'm wearing a long sleeved shirt, I got another cut on my arm. Not too deep, but shallow enough to hurt. I'm not aware about it, And I'm quite sure that, she did it.

That's all for now. Hope that I could fill this notebook till the end. And when I did, I'll finally will make a desicion.

-----

I closed the notebook and put it back inside the back. As I settle back in the bed, coincedentally, my brother came to check me.

"Still up? How are you feeling?" he asked and gave me the thermometer.

"Not that hungry..." I told him.

"Well, that's not a good news." the meter beeped and my mom came in my room. She sat beside me and felt my forehead.

"How's my princess?" she asked.

"Sick..." I said as I cuddle in her hug.

"Awww. All you need is mum's hugs and kisses." She said as she cooed. I saw my brother roll his eyes as he took the tray.

I stayed in her embrace for I don't know how long, because eventually, I fell asleep.

Twenty eight more pages, Garri. I'll be taking over...