S.O.S. Monsters Within

Entry 9: When You're Gone

Who's Nicholas Ford?
How did I met him? Who's he to my life?

He did a lot of things with me.... For me....

I met him back then when we're still a first grader. I'm alone, because I'm not feeling well, so I was not allowed to play. Then he came, with two game console with him, and then we played together.

He was transferred the next year because of his father's job but, I met him again at the school I was transferred after I am hospitalized.

After my experience from my last school, I've become a person with few words. I rarely speaks, nor recites, I even push myself away from the others. I'm satisfied with my phone and earphones as my company.

At first, he confessed to me, that he was really glad to see me again, but surprised when I didn't even tried to talk to anyone, even him. The jolly, talkative, and happy-go- lucky Marge was replaced with an anti-social and cold Garri.

At his first approach, Even though I'm listening, I never bothered to talk to him. Why should I? He do have friends to talk to, but decided to bother me. Though, time came where I finally opened up with him. He's usually the one talking, but I could at least somehow trust him. His friends warmed up to me, and I accepted them, the way they accepted my personality. They didn't judged me, just let me be if I want to. And I enjoyed that company.

Later on, I've realized that I'm slowly falling for Nicholas. Though I never admitted nor say it to anyone.First of all, I'm afraid to be rejected. What if when I confessed, we'll never treat each other like how it always is? What will happen next? Second, he has a lover.

Even if I did admitted that I like him, he can never be mine. I won't reach for things that's completely out of my reach.

So, I acted like how I always usually do when I'm with him. The quietly supporting friend I am... Cherishing every simple and memorable thing I share with him.

So far, things went as how it is supposed to be, but of course, life's cruel. It won't go the way you want it to.

His girlfriend confronted me one day, saying that I should stay away from Nicholas. Of course, I asked her why? Is it wrong to befriend someone, in the opposite gender with a lover, just because its lover doesn't seem feel right about it?

I've heard from her, Alice, that their fights were mostly about me. She said that they really love each other, and I'm in their way. Before leaving, she left me with things to think about.

"I won't hesitate to do anything for our relationship to keep going... Please keep that in mind."

I realized that, I don't really deserve Nicholas and his heart, if ever.

I can't keep fighting for him. I can't even confess nor accept it to myself. There's nothing that I could give for him to deserve me.

So, I agreed, and stay away, to all of them. Leaving me back with my old companions, I slowly made myself out of their group, that at first, I thought they never noticed. I mean, I'm not usually with them, I rarely talk, and they just let me be. Though when they decided to confront me, asking me why I'm building my walls again, those things they said to me, it made me so happy, that the reasons I made up doesn't make sense anymore.

I can't let go the treasure I've found after all those things. I've finally found someone who would accept me. So, I stopped minding what Alice said. I have friends that would fight with me, at that time, I realized that.

I still rarely talks, but unlike back then, I was able to show every side with me, and we enjoyed each others company.